


From This Day Forward

by AntarcticBird



Series: For Better or For Worse [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Arranged Marriage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-03 07:07:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 61,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1735604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntarcticBird/pseuds/AntarcticBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being matched up by the government may not be the most romantic way to start a life together. But after moving to New York City, Kurt and Blaine are dedicated to making it work. With moving into their own place, forming new friendships, and the creation of a punk band, they both have to learn to navigate the beginning of the rest of their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Arranged marriage AU. Dystopian. Sequel to For Better Or For Worse. Kurt is a musical theater student, with the assigned role of husband. Blaine is kind of a bad boy, assigned the role of wife, which essentially leaves him powerless in their society. This is their story. Because it doesn't end with a wedding.
> 
> So many thanks to my wonderful betas; [mailroomorder](http://mailroomorder.tumblr.com/), [wheretheshadowslie](http://wheretheshadowslie.tumblr.com/), and [flowerfan2](http://flowerfan2.tumblr.com/), I could not have done any of this without you. Seriously, you are all so awesome and I love you.
> 
> The wonderful lovely cover art for this was made by the amazing [charlie-of-oz-writes](http://charlie-of-oz-writes.tumblr.com/).

Even the biggest ceremonies room at Lima City Hall is still fairly small. Kurt and Blaine stand in front of the desk together, their families close behind, and Blaine had honestly thought he'd be a lot less fine with this.

But there's his mom delicately wiping the corner of her eyes with a handkerchief, his dad smiling at him in that dopey way that Blaine knows is supposed to convey pride, and there's his brother Cooper with his wife Tori, their little daughter Fiona the only one of his family who is paying no attention to either him or Kurt. Instead, she keeps making squealing noises, trying to grab onto her dad's nose.

Right next to them is Kurt's family: Burt with his arm around Carole's shoulders, Finn leaning against his mother's side with his eyes wide as saucers.

All of them together make up his family now, Blaine thinks. It's a weird feeling. Not necessarily a bad one.

Kurt reaches out to nudge Blaine's hand with his own, startling him out of the moment. “Hey, you okay?”

Blaine turns to him, meeting his fiancé's (in about two minutes to be husband's) eyes. And smiles. Kurt is stunning on any given day. Today, looking slightly nervous and like he took an enormous amount of care getting ready this morning and like he doesn't have any more of an idea of what they're doing than Blaine does – he's breathtaking. “So ready,” he promises. “Let's get this party started, shall we?”

Kurt nods shakily, taking a deep breath. “Yeah. Yes. Let's – let's get married.”

**

There's options for a City Hall wedding – everything from the simple signing of papers to a big elaborate ceremony complete with self-written vows.

Kurt and Blaine's is somewhere in between – because Blaine had known that this must have been part of Kurt's dream growing up, the part where he's holding someone's hands, gazing into their eyes, saying the words they've heard on television and in movies so many times. If he's being quite honest, it's been part of Blaine's dreams too until he'd adopted a more cynical worldview. But with Kurt – he kind of wants this. They'll only do this once. Might as well make it count.

They sign the papers first and then take each other's hands, and Kurt's are soft and strong in Blaine's, Kurt's thumbs caressing his knuckles the way they always do when they're watching TV or cuddling after sex or holding hands under the dinner table. It's familiar. It's comforting. It makes him remember why they're here, what they're doing. And what no one else knows – that this may have started out as something neither of them wanted, but that it has turned into something they weren't expecting. Something that might even be good. Because they're going to fuck with the system so hard by living according to their own rules, by being partners instead of being provider and nurturer, by making decisions together and respecting each other and being equal even if one of them is practically a slave.

Together, they'll beat the system, defy the rules, and find a way to be happy in this fucked up, insane world they're living in. They can do it. Together, as partners, they can do anything. He looks at Kurt and believes it.

Blaine squeezes Kurt's hands a little tighter and aches with gratefulness for this amazing man who cares about him enough to respect him. Kurt blushes under Blaine's gaze and Blaine knows he's staring kind of intensely, but he can't look away.

He repeats the words he knows from countless movies, for once not caring that they're of religious origin and have only been appropriated for civil ceremonies within the past sixty years or so. None of what they're saying or signing here really matters to him. All that matters is them, him and Kurt, and the promise they're making to each other.

“ … to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse -”

He thinks they have covered that last part already and whatever else comes, they can face that too, together. He's made being alone his mission since coming to McKinley. Being alone and a little weird and just not caring about consequences. But he is no longer alone. Maybe he never really was. He's always had his family. And now he has Kurt's family too. And he has Kurt. It feels good, having him, knowing he has someone this strong and caring and wonderful on his side.

Receiving that letter and reading the name Kurt Hummel, and then getting assigned the role of wife – he had expected Kurt to become the one to make everything difficult and impossible for him. He had expected Kurt to be the enemy. Instead, Kurt is the one making everything easier and so, so much better. Because Kurt is amazing.

“You may now kiss each other,” the officiator tells them, and Kurt smiles his adorable bashful little smile that always makes the corners of Blaine's mouth twitch up in an answering smile before leaning in.

Blaine meets him half way, heart hammering away in his chest as the enormity of the situation sinks in, lips touching Kurt's in an innocent yet lingering kiss, soft and warm and comforting.

Their eyes meet and Blaine can feel himself blush, not sure what to say right now. They're married.

And then his brother slaps a hand on his shoulder and his mom pulls him into a hug and Kurt is being hugged by his own family.

And Blaine never expected this to be a good day.

But it kind of really, really is.


	2. Chapter 1

“What is going to happen with your car once your dad takes it back home?” Kurt asks, looking at the black Prius with a gaze of such open longing, Blaine is actually starting to feel just a little bit jealous.

He shrugs. “Well, I thought the best idea would be for my parents to sell their car which is not as new as mine, and use the Prius instead. But my parents kind of insist on selling the Prius for me and giving me the money so that I can attend classes and whatever and buy some stuff we need for being actual adults now. I don't know. Probably like linens and shit.”

Kurt frowns, thinking about it as he leans back against the porch railing, taking another sip of his pre-Road Trip To New York morning coffee. “Actually, the money would not be a bad idea,” he says. “I'm sure you could use it.” He sighs. “It's too bad that we don't actually need a car in New York. But it would be both impractical and way too expensive to keep it, I guess.”

Blaine nods. “I agree. We can buy a car once you're done with college and we end up living wherever.”

Kurt gives him a sharp look. “You mean -”

“...Wherever is closest enough to Broadway, where you will be a famous and very well-paid performer.”

Kurt nods. “Exactly.”

“With the hottest lawfully wedded spouse in the state.”

“Mmm.” Kurt lowers his mug, leaning forward to press a smacking, coffee-flavored kiss to Blaine's mouth. “Try the country.”

Blaine pouts. “Not the planet?”

Kurt shakes his head. “Nope, sorry sweetheart. I hold that title. But you can have best ass.” He smacks his hand down onto the body part in question, grabbing on firmly. “Yup. Definitely. That title is _all_ yours.”

Blaine laughs, blinking his lashes at Kurt suggestively. “My ass thanks you very much and cordially invites your dick to elaborate on that once we're in the city and finally alone tonight.”

Kurt lets go of his buttock with a final squeeze and a sigh. “I'll try to fit it into my schedule.”

“Oh, I'm sure we'll find a way to – _fit it in_ ,” Blaine says, voice low and what he hopes comes across as sexy. From the way Kurt blushes, he's pretty sure he nailed it.

“Just wait until we're alone, I'll show you exactly how -”

“Hey, boys, you ready to go?” a voice interrupts from the direction of the door, and they jump apart as if they've been caught doing something illegal.

Blaine feels himself blushing up to the roots of his hair. “Yes, dad, we're – ready,” he confirms, doing his best to look innocent. He's pretty sure his parents know that he and Kurt are having sex – they've been married for a few weeks now and it had actually been their parents who had sent them on their honeymoon – as a wedding present. A week in LA, staying with his brother. Who had gifted them with a lot of unsupervised time together. They'd had a pretty good week.

“Just have to get the last few bags in the car,” Kurt confirms, quickly draining the last of his coffee. “And I think my dad is still on the phone with Rodney at the garage to make sure nothing falls apart during the three days he'll be gone.”

“You boys still okay taking the car?” his dad asks, and Blaine sighs audibly.

“Dad if you don't want us driving -”

“Hey, I didn't say that.”

Blaine pats his dad's shoulder in what he hopes is a calming gesture. “I'll start with the driving, and then we'll switch every two hours. We have the GPS. And two fully charged cell phones. We'll eat when we're hungry and take long breaks when we're tired and we'll make sure to be extra careful once we get to the city.”

His dad nods, still looking a bit nervous. “Sounds good. I'll just – go check on the truck.” And with that he walks off.

“Ugh.” Blaine slumps back against the railing. “He's been hovering for _days_. It's really starting to get on my nerves.”

Kurt smiles, a slow affectionate, understanding smile. “My dad has been the same. I think they're just sad about us leaving.”

Blaine nods, rubbing a tired hand across his face. “I know. Are, um.” He hesitates. “Are you? Sad, I mean?”

Kurt shrugs. “Well, yeah. I am, a bit. I'm going to miss my dad like crazy, and I'm going to miss Carole and Finn just as much. But I'm also excited about New York. How about you?”

Blaine bites his lip, lowering his eyes. “I'm – nervous,” he admits. “And, yeah, I am gonna miss my parents.”

“At least we won't be alone,” Kurt says, quiet, and when Blaine looks up, Kurt's gaze on him is warm and affectionate.

Instead of answering, Blaine lets his head fall forward to rest against Kurt's shoulder, reaching down with one hand to tangle their fingers together. He is excited to be living in New York. But still, he's so very grateful for Kurt. Sometimes, he just still has trouble expressing that properly.

Kurt, however, presses a gentle kiss against Blaine's curls and swings their tangled hands between them. And Blaine thinks that maybe he understands him anyway.

**

Kurt had said goodbye to Carole and Finn that morning before getting into the truck with his dad to drive over to Blaine's to load up the rest of his stuff. Now he stands aside, keeping close to his father as he watches Blaine being hugged by his mom, who isn't even trying to hold back the tears anymore.

They're clinging to each other for a long minute, before she steps back, ruffling Blaine's curls. “Call me tonight,” she reminds him. “Let me know you arrived safely.”

“I will, mom, I promise,” Blaine says.

“Good. And – I hope you like New York, Blaine. I'll -” she squeezes his shoulder. “I'll miss you a lot, you know that, right?”

He grins even though it's a little shaky. “At least now no one will leave their shoes lying around and forget to rinse out their coffee mugs.”

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll miss that too, though,” she says, then hugs him again, squeezing tightly for a second. “I love you, Blaineybear. And I'll visit as soon as I can, whether you want me to or not.”

“I love you too, mom,” Blaine says, then walks over to the car.

Kurt is about to follow when he's being pulled into a hug by Blaine's mom as well. “I'm glad he has you,” she says, meeting his eyes when she steps back. “Take good care of each other, okay?”

Kurt nods, not sure what to say. “I – yes. Of course.” And with another shaky smile, he walks around the car and gets into the passenger seat. It's time to get started on this moving out adventure.

**

Just as promised, they take turns driving. Blaine starts with the first shift, and by the time they are crossing the Lima city borders, they are singing along to the road trip playlist they put together in Blaine's bedroom the night before.

Kurt keeps sneaking glances at him, ready to offer to take over driving if Blaine isn't feeling up to it. Kurt is close with his family, but he has the feeling that Blaine is going to take it much harder, being separated from his. Maybe because he has less things to really be looking forward to in New York. Kurt is leaving with a purpose. Blaine – isn't. Not really.

“By the way, Mercedes asked if we want to hang out this weekend and check out some of the off-campus cafés,” he says while they're taking a singing break.

“Oh, I know,” Blaine says, nodding with his eyes fixed on the road. “Sam texted me.”

“He did?” Kurt is pleased. He had been hoping Blaine would continue hanging out with Sam so that he wouldn't be alone when Kurt was busy studying. “Awesome. So. Are we in?”

Blaine shrugs. “Would you like to?”

“I think it sounds great.”

“Then okay, let's do it,” Blaine says. “Maybe we can even check out some of the bars later, Puck gave me a bunch of fake IDs as a parting gift -” he falls silent and stares out the windshield.

Kurt looks at his profile and wishes he could hug him right now. He knows saying goodbye to Puck hadn't been easy for Blaine – for years Puck had been the only friend he'd had and now they were separated by an entire continent. And it's not fair, Kurt knows, because he got into his dream school and got to take his best friend with him. Blaine has nothing.

He reaches over to take one of Blaine's hands, tentatively, raising it to his lips to kiss his knuckles. He'll do everything he possibly can to make things as good as possible for Blaine in New York. Even if it means using a fake ID to sneak into some sleazy bar off campus. If it makes Blaine happy, he'll do it. Maybe not all the time. But he'll definitely do it. As often as Blaine needs him to.

**

It's Kurt's turn driving when lunch time rolls around and they find themselves a small diner, order a couple of sandwiches. They both use the time to text their dads and let them know where they are – getting a text back from Blaine's dad a few minutes later informing them of their whereabouts.

“We're ahead of them,” Blaine says proudly.

“Makes sense,” Kurt says. “Of course your beautiful, amazing car is faster than their truck -”

“Kurt, we _have_ to sell the car,” Blaine reminds him. “But if you want me to leave you two alone for just a moment -”

Kurt sighs, then lifts his head to grin at Blaine across the table. “No, but if we continue to be ahead of them like this, we could take fifteen minutes to pull over later. You know. Find a nice spot somewhere.”

Blaine frowns, not really knowing where Kurt is going with this. “Yes?”

“We could properly say goodbye to your car,” Kurt explains.

Blaine shakes his head. “And you need to pull over to do that, because -”

Kurt groans exasperatedly, then looks around quickly, making sure there's no one nearby, before saying in a low voice, “Because I'm _not_ gonna give you a blow job while either of us is driving, no matter how sexy that might sound.”

Blaine feels his eyes widen, finally catching on. “Oh. _Oh_! Of course. No, we can pull over somewhere later. Absolutely. Yes.”

Kurt smiles. “I knew you'd like the idea.”

“I love it,” Blaine promises. “Road trips are awesome.”

“I agree,” Kurt says, tangling their legs together under the small table.

**

Blaine continues driving after their 'stop' an hour later, Kurt curling up in the passenger seat as comfortably as the seatbelt allows, watching Blaine with a dreamy expression.

“What?” Blaine asks after a few minutes, laughing.

Kurt sighs contentedly. “Just – you're getting really good at that.”

“Oh.” Blaine blushes a little. “Thanks. I guess. I – like doing it.”

“I like it too,” Kurt says. “Especially in this car. Maybe we should rethink -”

“Oh my god, you just married me for the car, didn't you?”

Kurt grins. “It's possible.”

“We're still selling it.”

“I know.”

“Just get famous and rich soon and we can buy one just like it.”

Kurt shakes his head, staring sadly down at his knees. “It won't hold the memories this one does.”

“What memories?” Blaine asks. “That was the first time we ever had sex in this car. Or in any car, for that matter.”

Kurt laughs. “Yes, but don't you remember that time before we were dating and you bribed me into liking you buy letting me a have a look under the hood of this car? Or the time you picked me up for our – what was it, our third?”

“Fourth!”

“ - date. With this car. I just get emotionally attached, don't make fun of me.”

Blaine looks over at him, rolling his eyes. “Will you stop pouting if I tell you that we can use part of the money we get for selling it to buy the exact same coffee maker that my parents have?”

Kurt sits up straighter in his seat, beaming at Blaine. “Well, that changes everything. Let's get rid of this old rust bucket.”

“It's just over three years old and in perfect condition -”

“Yeah, whatever.” Kurt waves a hand impatiently. “How fast can your parents sell it, what do you think?”

“If I had known how fleeting your emotional attachments are, I would have never agreed to marry you,” Blaine says, sounding aggrieved.

Kurt pats his arm lightly before leaning over to kiss his cheek and getting his ear instead, stomach doing a little happy flippy thing at Blaine admitting that there is indeed an emotional attachment forming between them. “Oh, don't worry, honey,” he says. “You do have certain qualities I'm very fond of.”

Blaine is quiet for a second, a pleased smile on his face before he turns his head, squinting at Kurt. “Wait, you're talking about blow jobs, aren't you?”

“Hmm.” Kurt fishes the sunglasses out of the glove compartment, pushing them onto his face as he leans back in his seat. “You really are good at that, you know?”

“What have I gotten myself into?” Blaine sighs.

Kurt turns his head to look out the window for a bit, smiling to himself. So far, he's really enjoying married life.


	3. Chapter 2

They had seen pictures of the dorms online, so their expectations hadn't really been very high to begin with. However, nothing could have really prepared them for how tiny their room turns out to be once they arrive and get their key. It really is small, at least when it has to be shared.

Kurt still thinks it looks great. Because for now, it is theirs. And they are able to do in it whatever they want.

Also, they have their own bathroom and a tiny little kitchen, which he knows Blaine's parents are paying extra for. And he is very grateful for that, very glad about the fact that they are willing to go to any lengths to make their son's future as good and as comfortable as possible.

Mercedes has already texted him pictures of her and Sam's room and their version of a kitchen is a hotplate and a microwave next to a small sink in the corner next to the door. Compared to that, he and Blaine will be living in luxury.

“It's nice,” Blaine says, standing next to him in their new home. It sounds genuine, and Kurt feels a rush of fondness for him, smiles.

“I think we can definitely make something out of it,” he agrees.

Blaine nods. “Let's go and check out the bathroom.”

**

They get coffee from a kiosk on campus while they wait for their dads to arrive with the rest of their stuff – they don't have that much, just a new mattress for the bed frame, a few boxes, Blaine's various instruments, an old armchair and several more boxes. Still too much for a car.

Coffee in hand they head back to their 'apartment' where they sit cross-legged on the floor of their room, windows open to let in some fresh air, and just – enjoy finally being in New York. This is their life now, their very tiny space in a very big city, and Blaine kind of likes the idea of it. However lost they get out there, this will be home, and it will be small and safe and cozy (once they get to the decorating and making it theirs).

“This is seriously good coffee,” Blaine comments, inhaling the aroma from the paper cup in his hands. It smells really good.

“Not as good as -” Kurt starts.

“Oh my god, I know,” Blaine interrupts, laughing. “My parents' coffee maker was better. But it _is_ good, right?”

Kurt nods. “Yes. It is. We should check out a few pizza places next. I see a lot of take out in our future.”

Blaine raises his cup. “I'll drink to that!”

Kurt takes a look around the room, taking in the sparse furniture with a frown. “I think we'll have to buy another bookshelf for you. And that one dresser is never going to be big enough if we have to share.”

Blaine nods. “I guess you're right. Yet another reason to sell the car.”

Kurt bites his lip, a look of concentration on his face as if he's already busy planning. “Yes. I guess we can share the desk -”

“I won't need it much,” Blaine interrupts.”

“ - And we can get those hooks for guitars? So you can hang them up on the walls, that way we don't have to make room for guitar stands on the floor.”

“Plus, it looks cool,” Blaine throws in.

“Exactly.” Kurt beams at him. “I think this is going to work out nicely.”

“Mmm.” Blaine leans across to place a wet, coffee-favored kiss on Kurt's lips. “I like it here.”

“Have you decided what you're gonna do with your time?” Kurt asks carefully.

Blaine nods. “Meeting up with Sam next week to check out a few things. We thought we might want to do something together. You know. Pottery class or whatever.”

“Oh, that sounds great,” Kurt says, face lighting up with relief. “I mean, not pottery. Unless you're into that kind of thing. But -”

“Definitely not pottery,” Blaine assures him.

“Oh thank god, I was already trying to think of ways to dispose of the dozens of misshapen ashtrays you were gonna bring home,” Kurt jokes.

Blaine shakes his head, grinning. “It'll probably be something more like – I don't know. There actually is a book club I'd like to check out. And maybe something with music? I haven't decided yet.”

“I'm sure Sam would appreciate something music-related,” Kurt agrees with him. “And if the stuff they offer here isn't any good, you can always do your own thing.”

“Yeah, and he plays guitar too, and his taste in music isn't too hideous. So maybe we'll play together. You know. The start of my very own band.”

“Exciting,” Kurt says. “You should apply for a rehearsal room.”

“One step at a time.” Blaine laughs, then picks up his phone which is vibrating with a text on the floor next to his thigh. He checks it quickly. “Looks like our dads are just now looking for a parking space outside the building. We should head out and meet them.”

“Great,” Kurt says, scrambling off the floor. “Time to move in!”

“Finally,” Blaine replies, accepting the hand Kurt holds out for him to pull him to his feet.

**

Unloading the truck doesn't really take long at all. But it's a fairly warm day and Kurt definitely does appreciate the way Blaine's shirt clings to his chest and can't help but stare at the single droplet of sweat running down the side of his neck to disappear beneath his shirt collar when they walk back to the truck for the third or fourth time to get some more boxes. He'd never known he had a thing for sweaty guys, but Blaine just makes it look incredibly hot, all the heavy lifting that makes his damp curls stick to his temples and makes his arms flex in all kinds of delicious ways.

Eventually he forces himself to look away and focus on the task at hand instead. They still have work to do and their dads are still here. He'll have him all to himself soon enough. They'll have so much uninterrupted time. And he's really looking forward to it. Classes don't start before next week and they'll have to meet up with Sam and Mercedes some time and explore the campus and New York a bit. But if their honeymoon was any indication of what happens when they're left alone, Kurt thinks he's right to expect the next few days (and nights) to be epic.

They put everything in the room, just taking the time to push it against one wall to have it out of the way before they all go out to dinner together. After all, there's no rush setting everything up and unpacking. And Kurt thinks it's better if they take their time anyway. He wants everything to be perfect. It may just be a tiny shitty little dorm room, but it's also his and Blaine's first home together and he wants it to be nice.

**

After driving and carrying heavy boxes all day, they're all hungry. So they go out for burgers and fries, nice and greasy food, sitting in a booth together with Blaine and his dad on one side and Kurt and his dad on the other.

“I want cheesecake,” Kurt decides once all their food is gone, leaning back in his seat. “Anyone else?”

Blaine nods enthusiastically. “Share? Or two slices?”

Kurt gives him a _look_ across the table. “Don't you know me at all by now, Anderson?”

Blaine grins. “Two slices. Do you guys want anything?” He asks, looking between their fathers.

Burt shakes his head. “I'm good. But you two go ahead.”

“No thanks,” Blaine's dad agrees.

“Okay. Suit yourselves,” Blaine says, then slides out of the booth to go and get their cake. “Fruit topping or no fruit topping?” He asks Kurt before walking off. “And what fruit? Strawberry?”

Kurt rolls his eyes at him. “I'm going with you, dummy. That way we can pick up more drinks for everyone.”

Blaine nods at him, nudging their shoulders together as they head for the counter. “New York burgers are way better than Ohio burgers, am I right?”

Kurt moans. “So much better, oh my god. I can't wait to try their cake -”

**

That night, they only put sheets on the bed and unpack some clothing, put shower supplies and their toothbrushes in the bathroom. Kurt really wants to get started on setting everything up, but they've been driving all day and it had been exciting and Blaine looks so cute after his shower with his drying curls all over the place and lying on the bed on his stomach in nothing but a towel, book open in front of him, face scrunched up adorably as he reads something apparently very suspenseful. Kurt closes the bathroom door behind himself, leans back against it as he just watches him turn the pages, eyes moving rapidly as they move down the lines on the page.

“Feel free to join me here any time,” Blaine says eventually, jolting Kurt from his silent observation.

“I didn't know how much more you had left of your chapter.” Kurt walks over, holding the towel around his hips with one hand to keep it from dropping. “I didn't want to disturb you.”

Blaine looks up, eyes traveling over Kurt's body appreciatively. “Feel free to disturb me any time if you're looking like this.”

Kurt lets out a nervous little laugh, sits on the edge of the bed – _their_ bed. And from here on out, he's not quite sure what to do anymore. Should he get dressed in pajamas? Or just keep the towel until it inevitably comes off?

He's fairly certain that they're going to have sex in the very immediate future. He's hoping it'll be sooner rather than later because it's been a long day and the last two days before they left they had been so busy with packing and had hardly seen each other, so it's been days without sex and dammit he's _horny_. But is it … politer, more romantic, whatever, to pretend like they're just going to go to sleep and then let things progress naturally?

So far, sex has always pretty much just happened between them. Heated moments leading to the realization that they also had the required privacy to do what they want, and the next moment they'd been naked and fucking. But this is – sort of new. They don't have a limited time window before one of them has to go home. They never have to worry about anyone hearing anything embarrassing, so no time constraints there either. And with all this freedom they suddenly have, Kurt feels himself suddenly lacking the kind of confidence to just initiate sex right there and then just because he wants it.

“Hey,” Blaine says, closing _Paper Towns_ and dropping it to the floor before he heaves himself up, kneeling on the bed before Kurt. “Why so quiet?”

Kurt chuckles, lowers his eyes. “I was just – thinking.”

“Oh?” Blaine reaches out to take one of Kurt's hands, gently rubbing his thumb over Kurt's knuckles. “Anything interesting?”

Kurt meets his eyes, fights down the blush that's rising to his cheeks. They're hardly virgins anymore, the things they've done already … “You look good in just a towel,” he says.

Blaine blushes, eyes darting away from Kurt's as he smiles adorably. “Yeah well, so do you.”

“You'd look even better without it,” Kurt continues, grinning at himself for using such a _line_.

“Oh my god!” Blaine laughs, dropping Kurt's hand and shaking his head firmly. “That was so awful. I can't believe you just said that. Just for that I shouldn't have sex with you tonight.”

“But you're still going to, right?” Kurt asks, and suddenly it's easy. It's just them, him and Blaine, and they know how to do this. This part, they definitely know.

Blaine sighs, shrugging his shoulders. “Well, if I must.” He lets himself fall backwards onto the mattress, stretches out his legs and arms, looks up at Kurt with a slightly bored look on his face. “Do you mind doing all the work, though? I really am so very tired -”

Kurt practically pounces on him, covering Blaine's body with his own and capturing his lips in a deep, hungry kiss. “Shut up.”

“Ohh, bossy.”

“Fine, I have ways of making you shut up.”

Blaine laughs into the next kiss, blinks up at Kurt challengingly when they pull apart for breath. “Okay then. Do your worst.”

“Good thing I unpacked the lube already,” Kurt tells him, diving back in for another kiss, one hand sliding down to unwrap the towel from Blaine's hips.

He does have his ways of shutting Blaine up by now, or, well, at least make him sort of incoherent. And he thoroughly enjoys doing just that.

It's been a long day and they're both somewhere between exhausted and impatient – Kurt knows it's not going to take much for either of them, but he wants it so badly. And he can tell how much Blaine wants it too from the way he rips the towel from Kurt's hips, spreading his legs for Kurt, dragging him fully on top of him.

“Can you – I want -” he starts, breaks off with a moan as Kurt bites lightly at his neck.

“What?” Kurt asks, settling between Blaine's thighs, rolling his hips just enough that their cocks slide and catch between their bodies, the friction making little sparks of arousal flaring through him. “What do you want?”

“Fuck me,” Blaine breathes, wrapping a leg around Kurt's waist to rub up against him. “Please.”

“Yeah,” Kurt agrees, a little breathlessly himself. “Yes, yes, of course. Just let me -” He tears himself away from Blaine with some difficulty – everywhere their skin touches feels alive with low-thrumming energy and he just never ever wants to stop touching him, being touched by him – and scrambles off the bed to stumble across the room, picking up the lube from where he'd left it on the floor next to one of their boxes earlier.

He wastes no time getting back to Blaine, who's watching him hungrily across the room, one hand stroking his hard cock in a firm rhythm as he waits for Kurt to get back to him.

Kurt climbs back over him, straddling his thighs, catches his wrist to still the movement of his hand. “Somebody's impatient.” He grins, feeling playful and bold.

Blaine huffs out a breath. “You were taking too long.”

“You want it fast?” Kurt asks, uncapping the bottle of lube and coating his fingers. “You can have that.”

“I'm only hearing a lot of talk there, how about you follow it up with some – _hahh_ , oh fuck, ah, _ahh_ -” he breaks off as Kurt slides two fingers inside of him immediately.

“You were saying?” he teases, giving Blaine just a second to adjust to the intrusion before he starts thrusting his fingers in and out, spreading them slowly to stretch him wider. He knows Blaine can take it.

“Fuck,” Blaine repeats eloquently, eyes squeezed shut and hands gripping the sheets, his hips starting to rock up with the movement of Kurt's fingers. “Oh god yes, more, fuck, need more -”

Kurt complies, adding a third finger, biting back an impatient little whimper as Blaine moans out loud and unashamed, opening his legs wider for better access, one hand reaching for his cock again. Kurt stops him with his free hand, gripping tightly around his wrist. “No,” he tells him, voice a little hoarse with want. “Not yet.”

“Then get on with it already, god, I'm ready, I'm ready -” Blaine complains, and Kurt has to close his eyes for a moment, taking a long, controlled breath to keep himself from just ramming himself inside of Blaine and fucking making him _take_ it. His own dick is throbbing with need, aching to be touched, to get some friction, anything.

Instead, he crooks his fingers inside of Blaine, searching, searching, until -

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Blaine moans, arching off the mattress, hands scrabbling for purchase wildly as Kurt massages his prostate. “Oh, oh _god_ , oh fuck, _ahh_ , right there right there _yes_ -”

Kurt removes his fingers abruptly, ignoring Blaine's cries of protest as he lubes himself up, unable to wait any longer. He's burning up with arousal and he needs to fuck Blaine, he needs, he needs -

Hooking Blaine's legs over his shoulders, he leans forward, almost folding Blaine in half, pushes into him in one smooth, hard thrust. There's no way he can hold back the low moan that escapes his throat as his dick finally, _finally_ sinks into the tight heat of Blaine's body, nothing has ever felt better in his _life_ , and he pushes in in _in_ until he can't go any further.

“Oh my god,” he breathes out once he's in as deep as he can go, Blaine's hole fluttering and clenching and adjusting around him – Kurt's cock is significantly thicker than three fingers and he knows he needs to hold still for just a minute to let Blaine get used to this, just a minute. They both do like it a little rough, but he doesn't want to hurt him in the process.

He lowers his head to Blaine's, rests their foreheads together. Blaine's is sweaty, as is his own. It's another thing he's never really expected to like as much as he does; sex is sticky and filthy and a little gross, but there's nothing he enjoys more than the feeling of Blaine's sweat-sticky skin against his own.

“Move, _move_ ,” Blaine tells him eventually, sounding impatient, and Kurt doesn't need to be told twice.

He rocks his hips forward hard, and again, and again, a sound between a whine and a sob tearing out of his throat as his arousal spikes up sharply, and then he can't stop anymore.

Blaine's hands cling to Kurt's upper arms as Kurt fucks him in a frantic, unyielding rhythm, the mattress squeaking beneath them with the force of his thrusts.

“Yes, yes, fuck, oh fuck, oh god, like that, yes,” Blaine babbles, fingers digging into Kurt's skin hard enough to bruise, but Kurt doesn't care right now. He'll gladly take a few bruises for something this amazing, something as _hot_ as Blaine so desperately turned on underneath him.

“So good,” he manages to get out, increasing his tempo as his body strains harder for that delicious peak, pressure growing rapidly at the base of his spine.

“Close,” Blaine gasps. “God Kurt please I'm close, I'm – oh god -”

Kurt slides his hands under Blaine's shoulders to grab onto him for better leverage, snapping his hips forward relentlessly and as hard as he dares, his rhythm faltering as his balls go tight, every cell in his body burning for release.

Blaine cries out as he comes, hands cramping around Kurt's arms, eyes squeezed tightly shut as his mouth falls open, body tensing and spasming as his orgasm takes over control of his muscles.

Kurt whines, grips him tighter, thrusts into him again, again, again, until the pressure snaps and heat floods his body, scorching hot, needle-sharp pleasure exploding all the way through him.

Blaine is clenching around him and it makes everything better as he rides out the quick, white-hot flares of blinding release, muscles seizing and toes curling and hands clutching at Blaine helplessly; he always comes so fucking hard from this.

**

“I think I need another shower,” Blaine comments, head pillowed on Kurt's sweaty chest.

“We really didn't plan this very well,” Kurt agrees. “But I guess we're going to get better at – everything.”

“Kurt.” Blaine lifts his head, grinning. “If we get any better at this, I might actually not survive it. Because that just now, that was – oh god, I mean, you know what I mean. You were there.”

Kurt smiles. “Yeah, I know what you mean. It was pretty spectacular. And you're really – bendy.”

“Yeah. Though I think I actually pulled something.”

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry!”

“Nuh-uh.” Blaine leans up quickly, kissing him on the lips. “Worth it. Totally worth it.”

“Do you need me to get you anything?”

“I'm good,” Blaine assures him. “I just need us to not leave this bed for a while. I'm sleepy now.”

“Yeah, me too,” Kurt agrees. “But that was a good first night in our new place.”

“The best,” Blaine says, resting his head on Kurt's chest again and cuddling in closer, allowing Kurt to play with his hair as he falls asleep.


	4. Chapter 3

Blaine is still in his boxers when Kurt picks up his book bag, impeccably dressed and hair carefully styled, to start his first official day as a college student.

“I'll see you tonight,” he says, cheeks a little pink with excitement, hands gripping the strap of his bag tight enough to make his knuckles go white.

Blaine laughs, rises onto his toes to kiss him, half-naked and still a little sleepy and so happy to be in New York, even if he'd really like to go to class too. “Have fun,” he says against Kurt's lips before kissing him again. “And no flirting with hot boys.”

Kurt smirks, runs his hands over Blaine's naked chest. “No need. I have a very hot boy of my own at home.”

Blaine waits until the door has closed behind him before walking back over to the bed in search of his phone. Maybe he'll get Sam to hang out with him. They had tentative plans for today anyway. They can check out the campus for themselves, maybe finally find something to occupy their time with. He shoots Sam a text and then goes to take a shower, contemplating the idea of signing up for a few activities. It really doesn't have to be pottery class. The more he thinks about it, the more he kind of likes the idea of maybe joining a singing group. Can't hurt to meet a few new people, right? And people who are into music are usually cooler than people who aren't, judging from experience.

By the time he's showered and dressed, Sam has responded, and they agree to meet by the cafeteria which is halfway between their buildings. Blaine slips into his shoes, grabs his keys, and closes the door behind himself. Time to see what New York has to offer for someone like him.

**

“I don't think there's anything good going on on Monday,” Sam says, tossing the brochure they've been looking through for what feels like hours onto the grass.

Blaine stretches out on his back in the middle of the quad, folding his hands behind his head. “Who would have thought.” He laughs. “Guess we'll have to make our own fun. At least on Mondays.”

Sam shrugs. “Unless we do want to reconsider joining the swim team?”

Blaine snorts. “No, thank you. I mean, don't let me stop you. If you want to, go ahead, I don't mind. It's just not really so much my thing.”

Sam sighs. “Yeah no, it's not like I really want to either. It's just – what are we even supposed to do with our time now?”

“I don't know.” Blaine closes his eyes against the sun, enjoying the warm, sunny day. “But I'm glad I'm not stuck in class anymore.”

“Definitely,” Sam agrees. “Oh man, I was so glad to be done with school for good.”

“Yeah.” Blaine takes a deep breath, lets it out again. It really is a beautiful day. He could just go to sleep out here on the grass. “I think I want a tattoo.”

Sam lies down next to him. “Yeah? Of what?”

“No idea.” Blaine thinks about it. “I just want one.”

“I think you need to pick something first. I guess that's sort of how it works.”

“I guess.”

“And, like,” Sam pauses. “Where would you get one? Like, which body part?”

“My ass,” Blaine says immediately.

“Seriously?”

He turns his head, blinking his eyes open to look at Sam. “No. Not seriously. Of course not. I have no idea. I just – thought I wanted one. I haven't figured out the details yet.” He shrugs.

“I could totally get one too,” Sam muses. “I just don't know if Mercedes would like it – I should ask her.”

Blaine just keeps staring at him. “You need her approval for getting a tattoo?”

Sam stares back. “No. Of course I don't. I'd just like to know what she thinks of it before I go ahead and get one. And it's not like I wouldn't do it if she didn't like it. If I really wanted to, I'm sure I could talk her into it. It's just – what, you wouldn't talk to Kurt about something like this?”

“Um, no?” Blaine says, incredulous. “Seriously, why would I?”

“Because he's kind of the one who has to look at it? Or just because it'd be interesting to know if he's even into that kind of thing?”

Blaine laughs. “It's _my_ skin, though. Not his. And I'm pretty sure he'd still fuck me even if I had, like, the Cookie Monster tattooed onto my lower back.”

Sam's eyes widen. “That's actually a really great idea for a tattoo.”

Blaine thinks about it. “You know what? I think you're right.”

“By the way, if we want to start that band you've been talking about, we should put up fliers,” Sam changes the topic.

“Oh, so you're in?” Blaine asks, delighted. “Awesome.”

“Yeah, sounds like fun,” Sam says, pushing a pair of sunglasses onto his face. “I'm also thinking about letting my hair grow out a bit. Make me look more rock'n'roll. What do you think?”

Blaine ponders the idea for a minute. “I think you should,” he says, an awesome idea crossing his mind and suddenly he knows exactly what he wants to do with this boring Monday. “I think we should both do something with our hair.”

**

Kurt is pretty happy to find that he and Mercedes will actually be sharing a lot of their classes. It makes him less nervous to know that he's not going to be on his own for this. They end up sitting together but still make a point to talk to as many people around them as possible – making new friends can't hurt, after all.

They go to lunch with a guy named Elliott who's in their voice class, and Kurt is pretty happy to find that he's in his acting class too, since Mercedes is in a different one – they walk there together after he's hugged Mercedes and made her promise to text him as soon as she's done for the afternoon.

Elliott tells him about growing up in New Jersey and actually getting to marry the boy he'd been with since they were fifteen – his entire face lights up when he talks about him and Kurt thinks of Blaine and has to smile along. So maybe their story is different. But he does think that they're making it work nicely.

“I mean, I know we were lucky,” Elliott finishes his story. “Most of my friends actually weren't. But for us, I don't know, I guess it worked out well enough.”

“He wasn't pissed about having to stay home and take care of the kids?” Kurt asks, tentatively.

Elliott laughs. “He wasn't thrilled. But we had talked about both possible outcomes. A long time ago, actually. And he didn't take it personally when I got to be the husband. We've agreed to share the responsibility anyway. Once kids are in the picture. And right now he's busy securing us a rehearsal room and getting started on the fliers for band mates.”

“You have a band?” Kurt asks, intrigued.

Elliott nods. “Planning on having one. With both of us in it. And if we ever make it big, it'll be his success too and no one can say anything if I want him there and we'll still find a way to take care of the kids. But we can totally still both have a life, you know?”

“That's -” Kurt shakes his head slowly, impressed. “Wow. That sounds amazing.”

“So, you interested?” Elliott tilts his head at him, smiling.

“What?” Kurt asks. “Oh, you mean -”

“The band. Do you think you want to audition?”

Kurt thinks about it. “I'm actually more Broadway-bound,” he admits. “I mean, it sounds really amazing and everything -”

“Hey, no problem,” Elliott says. “It's not for everyone, I guess.”

“Can I think about it?” Kurt wants to know. The more he lets that idea settle, the more he feels like maybe it might be something he's actually into.

“Sure.” Elliott gives him a slap on the shoulder, grinning. “Just let me know. We haven't even found a rehearsal space yet. Let me ask you again once we have a time and a place for auditions.”

Kurt grins back. “Sounds perfect.” He's pretty sure he's already made a friend. One who wears eyeliner just like Blaine. He doesn't even know why that fact is important, but somehow, it is.

**

He meets Mercedes for a cup of coffee after his last class of the day, both of them talking at each other at the same time about all the things they learned and saw and did today. And Mercedes made a friend too, apparently, and Kurt is happy for her and thinks maybe it's a good thing they have separate classes or they'd never meet anyone new and just rely on each other.

Eventually though he starts feeling really tired, and he misses Blaine and wants to go home ( _home!_ ) to him and kiss him and have dinner and cuddle on their bed and talk about their days. And then maybe do more than cuddling. He thinks he's not going to get tired of sex any time soon, he almost gets hard right there in the middle of campus just thinking about all the things they could do later that night.

Mercedes is impatient to go by this point too, it's been a long day and they have an early class tomorrow. So they say goodbye and Kurt gets his phone out of his pocket, dials Blaine as he starts walking slowly.

“Hey,” Blaine answers on the second ring, sounding cheerful.

“Hi,” Kurt replies.

“So. Are you a Broadway star yet?”

There's something so affectionately teasing in Blaine's tone, it makes Kurt's heart beat just a little faster. “Oh, yes,” he says. “I was cast on the spot. Didn't even make it to class before I was discovered. We'll be rich within the week. You'll need a makeover now, you have to be a pretty little trophy wife.”

Blaine laughs. “Get your ass back here already, I've been home for half an hour and I'm bored. I want to make out.”

“No dinner?” Kurt asks. “I am actually calling to ask if you wanted me to pick something up on the way home.”

“Oh, no, I bought Chinese, if that's okay? It's probably cold by now, but we can totally heat it up when you get here.”

“You're perfect,” Kurt tells him, smiling. “I'll be there in ten.”

“Cool. See you in a few,” Blaine says, and hangs up.

Kurt hurries across the quad and toward their dorm, really impatient now to get back. He really is hungry and just hearing Blaine's voice always makes him so eager to see him – and they live together now, which is a concept that's still so very exciting to him. It feels so grown up, going home after a long day and calling each other about dinner, having someone there waiting for him, waiting with food and ready to greet him with a kiss as he walks through the door...

He hurries through the hallways up to the third floor, unlocks the door to their room and quickly slips inside, letting his book bag slide to the floor right there next to Blaine's shoes, kicks his own shoes off as he struggles out of his light jacket. “Hi honey, I'm -” he starts, then stops, one foot still stuck in a shoe, arms tangled in his jacket behind his back as Blaine walks out of the kitchen, grinning brightly.

“Kurt!”

“You -” He can't quite get the words out, knows he's staring, knows his jaw is probably hanging open, eyes wide as saucers. “What -”

Blaine gives him a questioning look, taking a step closer. “I put our dinner in the oven, it should just be a few minutes. And then we can – _What_ is wrong, why are you staring at me like that?” he bursts out, looking confused.

Kurt just shakes his head, taking a shaky breath. “Your hair,” he breathes. “What happened to your _hair_?”

Blaine still looks confused, then his face lights up as if he has just now understood what Kurt is staring at. “Oh. Right. That.” He runs a hand over his head where the curls used to be and shrugs. “I shaved it off.”

Kurt finally manages to free himself from the jacket, hangs it up carefully as he tries to get over the shock. “You shaved it off.”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Why?” Kurt wants to know, unable to completely keep the desperate tone from his voice.

“Because I felt like it?” Blaine responds. “I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time, I guess? New city, new look, you know?”

“You shaved your head because you felt like it,” Kurt repeats, still unable to take his eyes off of Blaine's head. All that beautiful _hair_ -

“Hey, what's the matter with you?” Blaine laughs. “You were always on my case about messy curls and proper hair care and all that, you should be relieved they're gone. One less thing for you to be losing sleep about.”

“But I loved your curls,” Kurt says, swallowing heavily. It's not that he's really upset, it's just … he _loved_ those curls.

“You did?” Blaine asks, clearly taken aback. “Since when?”

Kurt blushes, lowering his eyes. “Since always, I guess.” He lets out an embarrassed laugh, shaking his head a little. “They were sort of the first thing I noticed about you. Before we even knew each other. You just looked so – I don't know. Cute. Just a bit dangerous too. I don't know. It's silly.”

“Oh.” Blaine takes another step closer, looking pleased. “I didn't know.”

“I never said.”

“I thought you hated them. Or at least I didn't think you'd mind when they were gone.”

Kurt shrugs. “I don't mind, exactly. It's just – god Blaine, you _shaved your head_!” He reaches out to slap his arm. “What were you even _thinking_?”

“I just really wanted to! Can we eat now?”

“That's not even a reason! And I don't know, do you think dinner's heated up yet?”

“It totally is a reason,” Blaine insists. “And yeah, it wasn't even all the way cold yet. I guess we're good.”

“Watch an episode of Gilmore Girls while we eat?” Kurt asks, letting the thing with the hair go for now.

Blaine nods. “Sounds good. Let me get the food. Can you grab us a few sodas?”

He turns to go, but Kurt catches his wrist, spins him back against his chest. Blaine crashes into him with a little shriek and a laugh.

“Hey, what's -”

“I forgot something,” Kurt interrupts.

“What's that?” Blaine asks, blinking up at him playfully.

“I was promised making out.”

“You said after dinner. Remember?”

“Just one kiss?” Kurt pouts.

“Oh, fine, whatever.” Blaine rolls his eyes, leans in to press his mouth to Kurt's.

Kurt kisses him back, lets himself sink into the hug as Blaine's arms circle around his waist, and slips his tongue in between Blaine's lips, one hand cupping the back of Blaine's head, fingers searching to tangle in the curls that are no longer there.

He sighs into Blaine's mouth, lets himself be kissed deeper, and at least the feel of him, his scent, the way he presses his body to Kurt's as the kisses get more hungry, at least all of that is still the same. And Kurt thinks, at least he knows with absolute certainty that life with Blaine is never going to be boring.


	5. Chapter 4

They're sitting out in the quad to have coffee, Kurt leaning back on his hands, sunglasses on his nose and face turned up toward the sun. Blaine is sitting cross-legged next to him, _Franny and Zooey_ open in his lap, nibbling on a cookie while he's reading.

If Kurt has learned one thing about Blaine since they started getting to know each other, it's that he's a very cute eater. He can eat an entire cronut in one bite and Kurt has seen him do that on more than one occasion over the short time they've already spent here. He's rather fond, actually, of the little bit of belly fat that has started popping out just above Blaine's belt. Even if right now, his bald head is sort of really distracting. But besides seeing Blaine inhaling baked goods, Kurt has also seen him try so hard at Friday night dinners with Kurt's family once he warmed up to them, has seen him sit up straight at the table and smiling and actually using a knife and a fork in a way that somehow looked more civilized than what either of them were doing, and he'd pulled it off wearing eyeliner and a t-shirt with a ripped neck. And then there's what he's doing now, nibbling on a cookie like a little squirrel while he's engrossed in a book and Kurt wants to lean over and kiss the crumbs from the corner of his mouth.

“Stop watching me,” Blaine complains without looking up, grinning a little. “You keep doing that. And it's creepy.”

Kurt moves his foot on the blanket so he can kick Blaine lightly in the shin. “It's totally all your fault. I can see my reflection in your shiny, shiny head. And I look awesome today.”

Blaine snorts, puts his book down to pick up his abandoned coffee. “Oh my god, will you stop it? It'll grow back!”

Kurt sighs in relief, sitting up and grabbing for his own coffee to take a sip. “You're letting it grow back?”

Blaine shrugs. “I don't know yet. I guess. It's a bit cold like this.”

“Are you just letting it grow back so you can dye it pink?” Kurt asks, only half joking. He knows Blaine.

Blaine's eyes light up as he seems to ponder that idea. “That actually sounds kind of awesome.”

“You're so lucky you're hot,” Kurt groans.

“No, _you're_ lucky I'm hot,” Blaine shoots back. “I know you only married me for my body.”

“Your ass, mostly,” Kurt agrees. “But that's okay, because you just wanted me for my body too.” He reaches for his phone which is buzzing with a text, unlocking the screen with a swipe of his thumb.

“Mercedes?” Blaine asks.

Kurt shakes his head, reading over the text. “Elliott. I told you about him, remember?”

“The band dude with the epic high school romance story.”

“That's the one.”

“Anything interesting?”

“Apparently he's found a rehearsal space for his band,” Kurt tells Blaine. “Wow, that was fast. He just told me about his plans two days ago and he didn't even know where to look then.”

“Impressive,” Blaine agrees. “Sam and I haven't even finished drawing up fliers yet.”

“He wants me to audition,” Kurt says, biting his lip and sliding his sunglasses off of his nose. He's still not quite sure about this, but maybe it is a good idea. He could use something to do besides going to class and he likes Elliott. He thinks it would be nice, to be friends with him. And the idea of singing in a band – that's something for the resume too, isn't it?

“Are you going to do it?” Blaine asks, taking another sip of coffee, watching Kurt over the rim of his paper cup.

Kurt shrugs. “I'm seriously considering it. It sounds like fun.”

Blaine is quiet for a second. “Yeah, but … a band? Really? Is that what you want?”

“What do you mean?” Kurt gives him a confused look, lowering his phone to his lap.

“I just mean, aren't you kind of dreaming of Broadway? A band just doesn't really seem like your kind of thing.”

Kurt tilts his head at Blaine, a little taken aback by his reaction. “My kind of thing? What's that even supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, _god_.” Blaine rolls his eyes at him. “I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just confused I guess.”

“You're confused that I want to sing with my friends?” Kurt asks. “You do remember that I was in glee club, right?”

Blaine huffs out a breath. “Glee club is hardly the same thing as a band.”

“I know it's not the same thing, I just -”

“You _belonged_ in glee club. You're a total show tunes kind of guy, you know? I just don't really see you in a band.”

Kurt presses his lips together, trying to get his emotions under control before he answers. “I didn't know I needed your approval. But maybe you know me better than I do. You seem to have a very clear opinion on this.”

“Why are you taking this so personally?” Blaine asks, looking as if he's the one being wronged here. “I'm just trying to help you figure this out.”

“There is nothing _to_ figure out, Blaine,” Kurt explains, trying so hard to stay calm when he's really just _pissed_ at this point. “I made a friend and he asked me to audition for his band. And it's something I really want to do, so I'm going to. I don't understand why you're being so weird about this.”

Blaine lets out a bitter laugh. “You knew I was weird when you married me. This is hardly a surprise. What did you expect?”

Kurt shakes his head firmly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Don't you dare start with this crap again. Don't play the _I'm so misunderstood_ card. I thought we were past that, Blaine. And frankly, it's childish. Obviously you have a problem with something and I'm asking you to please be an adult about it and tell me so that we can talk about it.”

“Forget it, okay?” Blaine almost yells, crumpling up his empty paper cup in his hand and scrambling to his feet. “I'm done with this. I don't need this.”

And with that, he walks off, decidedly not in the direction of their dorm.

Kurt watches him go, completely at a loss for words. He has no idea what that just was and he's _angry_. He did _nothing_ wrong. He'd just like to know what the fuck Blaine's problem even is.

But yes, he's definitely going to audition for Elliott's band now. If he needed one more reason in favor of it, he just got it. Because someone believing that he couldn't do something has always just made him want to achieve it that much more.

**

Blaine just walks. All the way across campus, and when he reaches the edge of it, he just keeps walking, down the street and off toward – he doesn't even know yet. They haven't been here that long. He doesn't know his way around all that well yet. Which is okay, he thinks, these things take time, and no one can expect him to just be at home here from the very first minute.

Except – some people apparently manage just fine. Some people go to class and make wonderful new friends who fucking _invite_ them to audition for their wonderful new bands. While other people who have been dreaming of making music for-fucking- _ever_ just get nothing.

It's not fair. It's just not fucking fair that Kurt has this after just a few days without even having to do anything for it, and he never even _wanted_ it, and Blaine is still arguing with Sam about what kind of things to put on their flier. They haven't been lazy, they have been taking this seriously, and fuck it, the band had been supposed to be _his_ thing.

Kurt gets everything else, does he really need this too? Does he really need to succeed in everything he touches while Blaine watches from the sidelines?

He stops at a huge intersection, stands at the curb with his breath coming too fast and his eyes stinging and his head getting cold because he's not used to having no hair on top of it. It's just not fair.

For a moment, he just breathes, stands there, lets the noise and chaos and life of New York happen all around him. And he realizes that he doesn't really have any idea of where exactly he is. It doesn't matter right now.

He walks down the smaller of the two streets, makes a left into the next smaller street he comes across, and sits down on the steps of an old brownstone. It's getting late and the sun is beginning to set and he just feels … lost. Lost and insignificant and so angry and why can't he ever have the things he wants? What has he ever done that he just gets shoved aside and ignored and overlooked and beaten down every time he starts enjoying himself?

And the worst thing is, he's happy for Kurt. He wants Kurt to make friends and to have nice things. But does he really have to go for the one thing that Blaine wanted? He knows, rationally, that there's no reason they can't both be in bands. He also knows that this is something that Kurt can put on his resume, something that might actually help his career at some point. It just sort of stings that he just gets it handed to him while Blaine has to work for it every step of the way, as usual. To be completely honest, it also hurts that Kurt knows about this new band looking for singers and never thought to suggest Blaine for an audition.

He sighs, hugs his knees to his chest and lets his head rest against them. He's not even mad anymore, not really. He never was. Sometimes it just hurts to be him. Sometimes it just hits him so hard that he's the one stuck at home while Kurt does amazing things, and that that's the way it's always going to be.

**

Kurt paces their room from the bed to the bathroom door and back; it's getting dark outside and Blaine has been gone for hours and he's starting to get seriously worried.

It's not that he isn't still mad, because, _god_ yes, he is. He still doesn't really know what Blaine was trying to say or why he reacted the way he did, and he has no idea, not the slightest idea where all of that even came from. And to be honest, he hadn't expected it at all. He's never seen Blaine quite like that before. Even when they were still getting to know each other, even before Blaine let him in, back when he still didn't take Kurt seriously, he'd never been like that. He'd never been so openly dismissive of something that Kurt liked.

And while he's still very much angry at Blaine and would really very much like to find out what the fuck is wrong with him, he's also just really, really worried at this point, because Blaine isn't answering his phone and it's getting late and this is New York, and Kurt doesn't even want to start thinking about all the things that might have happened.

It's almost completely dark outside now and he has texted Mercedes several times to try and make her tell him everything Sam knows, which doesn't seem to be much, Blaine hasn't been in touch with him either. He's just about to call his dad and ask him what to do when he hears the quiet scratch of a key outside, the faint click of the door opening.

He spins around, eyes wide as Blaine walks into their shared dorm room, looking tired and just kind of drained.

“Blaine!” It comes out on the end of an exhale, relief flooding every cell of his body, and he hadn't even really realized just exactly how tense he'd been this entire time.

“Hi,” Blaine says quietly, closing the door behind himself.

“Where have you been?”

Blaine shrugs. “I've been walking.”

“For five hours?” He doesn't know whether he wants to laugh or cry. Blaine is okay. He's unhurt, and he's home. He's also still kind of an asshole.

“I got a little turned around,” Blaine explains, not quite meeting Kurt's eyes. “Had to pull up a map on my phone to find my way back.”

“And that took five hours?”

“I also just needed to – be alone. For a while.”

Kurt nods, anger bubbling up inside again. “You couldn't have responded to just one of my texts?”

“I'm back now, okay? Can you just let it go already?”

“What do you mean, already?” Kurt asks. “You just got home!”

“Exactly, I'm home. Everything's okay. Calm the fuck down, okay?” Blaine shoots back.

“I was worried, you asshole,” Kurt almost screams. “Do you get that? Do you even know what you did to me? I thought – you just walked away and I didn't know -”

Blaine deflates a little, rubbing a hand across his tired face. “Fuck. I'm sorry. Okay?”

“No, not really,” Kurt answers, lifting his shoulders as he lowers his eyes, tries to reign in the feelings that still want to make him yell. “But whatever.”

“No, not whatever.” Blaine sighs, walks over to sit down heavily on the bed. “Fucked that up too, didn't I?”

Kurt looks at him looking so exhausted and … sad? And he can't yell at him. He doesn't even want to. He's still hurt, but something is obviously wrong, and the past few hours hadn't been fun for either of them, and Kurt just wants to let it all go and curl up under the covers and sleep for a week, even more than he wants an apology. “What happened, Blaine?” he asks. “This afternoon. I don't know what I did. I don't understand what happened.”

Blaine shakes his head, doesn't meet his eyes. “I don't know,” he admits. “I was – I don't know. You did nothing wrong.”

“I've been thinking and thinking about it,” Kurt tells him. “Is it the band thing? I mean, we were having a normal conversation about -”

“That was a fight, Kurt.”

“It wasn't, though, not until you stormed off,” Kurt points out. “I mean, yeah, maybe it was headed in that direction, but only because I didn't really appreciate the way you were being so dismissive of something I wanted to do.”

“It felt like a fight before that,” Blaine says. “And I wasn't being dismissive. I was surprised that it was something you wanted.”

“And then you yelled at me and walked away. And I'd really like to know why. Because I don't understand -”

“I'm sorry, okay?” Blaine says, a slight annoyed edge to his voice. “Go and be in a band if you want that so much.”

Kurt tilts his head at him, tries to figure him out, doesn't really manage. “You _are_ pissed about this. Why?”

“I'm not,” Blaine says, anger fading from his face to be replaced with a serious expression. “Kurt, I'm not. Not about this. I swear.”

“About what then?”

Blaine shrugs. “I'm trying to figure it out, okay? That's the best I can do right now.”

Kurt nods, bites his lip. “I'm sorry too, by the way. I tend to get – offended, when people imply that I'm not the _type_ for something. I've just … heard that so many times, you wouldn't even believe it.”

“I never meant to imply that you weren't -”

“I know,” Kurt interrupts. “I know that. And I should have been more patient this afternoon, I guess.”

“So we're both sorry?” Blaine says, a small tentative twitch at the corner of his mouth, the shyest attempt at a grin Kurt has ever seen from him.

He walks over to the bed, sits down next to Blaine to nudge their shoulders together. “We are. So where does that leave us?”

“Can it leave us ordering dinner together?” Blaine asks. “I've been walking all day and I'm starving.”

Kurt smiles at him. “Okay. Yes. Pizza okay? I'm really hungry too.”

“Pizza is perfect,” Blaine agrees. “Do you want me to -”

Kurt cuts him off with a small peck to the lips, and god it feels good to kiss him after being so worried about him, even if he's not quite over his anger yet. “Go take a shower. I'll order.”

“Thank you,” Blaine says, and his smile looks genuine.

Kurt sits on the bed and watches Blaine walk off to the bathroom, waits until the door closes behind him before he lets out the breath he'd been holding.

They're okay. For now. But he can't shake the feeling that, whatever this was this afternoon, they're not quite done with it just yet. And maybe they should have talked it out right here and now, maybe that would have made that tiny ball of hurt feelings that's still knotting up his stomach go away. But it's too late now, he doesn't want to go back to fighting now that they get along again.

He's never been one to avoid conflict, but all this fight has really done is remind him of how fragile this balance is that they've struck up between them. He's not sure he wants to risk upsetting it.

Why can't anything ever just be easy? He _likes_ Blaine. He really does. And he doesn't want to be upset with him. But you can't always have everything, right?


	6. Chapter 5

“If we can't find anything we want to join, we should just start our own groups,” Sam suggests, sitting cross-legged in the middle of Blaine's dorm room floor. “I talked to this girl who lives down the hall, her husband is a sophomore, and she said it's pretty easy to get permission. There's this form we can get at the -”

“What kind of group would that even be?” Blaine interrupts, looking up from his spot opposite Sam, laptop open in front of him as he's putting the finishing touches on their band flier. “Like, a superhero club?” They'd discovered their mutual love of comic books when they were still in Lima, and Blaine knows Sam even has a costume and everything in his closet. He likes to tease him about it mercilessly, in fact.

Sam's eyes light up. “That's a great idea, actually.”

“Yeah, no.” Blaine shakes his head, scrunching up his nose. “It was a joke.”

“But why? It could totally be fun!”

Blaine thinks about it. “What's the point of it though? And do you think we could actually get a permit for that? I mean, most of the other classes are more like cooking classes and sewing classes and art club and stuff like that. Do you think they'd even go for something that's just for fun?”

“We could try,” Sam insists. “What's the worst that could happen? They could say no. So then we don't do it. But if they say yes it might really be a lot of fun.”

“I still have no idea what we'd even do,” Blaine says. “Do we dress up? Or is it more like a book club, only for graphic novels?”

Sam shrugs. “We can still figure that out. I'll get one of those forms tomorrow if you want.”

Blaine sighs. “Okay. Fine. Why not.” It's not like he has so many other things keeping him occupied. He also thinks it's the kind of stuff he might have done with Puck if Puck were here – he finds that he really misses their video game nights. And he thinks they were pretty much on the same level of nerdiness as superhero club is going to be.

“By the way, cooking class starts in half an hour, I should go,” Sam states, getting up from Blaine's floor. “Don't want to be late for the first lesson, I'll end up being the only one who doesn't know how to turn on the stove.”

Blaine frowns. “Is Mercedes making you go to cooking class?”

Sam laughs. “She isn't making me do anything. But, I don't know, I guess it can't hurt to learn how to cook? Once we have kids, they'll definitely need food, and even now I don't want us to rely completely on take-out and the dining hall crap. Also, I'd like to be able to prepare the occasional romantic dinner for her, you know? I think she'd like that.”

“What is she doing for you in return?” Blaine can't help but ask.

It's Sam's turn to frown. “What do you mean?”

Blaine dismisses it with a wave of his hand, deciding it's not worth it to get in a fight over with his new best friend. “Forget it. And have fun! If you learn to make any cool desserts you should totally invite Kurt and me over for dinner some day.”

“You could join me,” Sam suggests. “I don't know if there are any open spots left, but I'm sure we have room for one more. You can share my stove. I don't mind.”

Blaine shakes his head firmly. “No thank you,” he says. “You go and have fun. I'll go and get these fliers printed up so we can distribute them around campus.”

“Awesome,” Sam agrees, offering his fist for a fist bump.

Blaine complies, grinning. “See you later.”

“Totally.”

**

He's walking around campus putting up his band fliers in all the spots he thinks people will see them when he sees Kurt at the other end of a hallway – and he's so happy at first, so excited to see him. He's still a bit shaken from that fight they had the day before, and he's already starting to walk down the hallway to greet him, steal a quick kiss before Kurt has to rush off to his next class or whatever it is he's doing today.

But then he sees that Kurt is not alone – and he has little doubt about who the guy standing next to him is. Tall, awesome hair, tattoos on his arms and piercings in his face – Elliott. And _dammit_ he's sort of really good looking and _tall_ and he sort of dresses like a more fashionable version of Blaine and Blaine really doesn't know why realizing that feels like such a punch to the gut. Maybe because of the way Kurt is smiling at him, the way Kurt is letting him touch his arm as they talk as if they're old friends instead of people who met four days ago.

Maybe it's because of the way the two of them are looking so good together, because if Kurt had to end up with someone so radically different than himself, it should have been someone who has his life together and finds a rehearsal space for his band in two days instead of needing a week to even get the fliers finished.

And suddenly Blaine doesn't feel like walking up to Kurt anymore. He doesn't want to face this tall and handsome version of what he could have been and watch Kurt smile at him in that way that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle. Blaine is so _fond_ of that smile. It makes him angry to see Kurt wasting it on someone like that guy.

He's about to turn and walk away, but then Kurt turns his head, sees him standing there, and if he'd been smiling before, his face just lights up with the most delighted smile that Blaine has ever seen on anyone, body jolting forward as if he's being pulled toward Blaine. And he waves at him, a large and enthusiastic wave that startles the guy next to him and makes Blaine grin with how ridiculous it is.

“Blaine!” Kurt calls, and it sounds so pleasantly surprised, Blaine can't help the way his stomach sort of swoops at the sound of it.

He shoves his hands into his pockets as he walks over to them, keeps his eyes on Kurt, purposefully ignoring this Elliott guy who's still standing next to Kurt. Next to Blaine's _husband_.

“Hi,” Blaine says, having to suppress a pleased little grin at the way Kurt grabs for him, pulls him in for a kiss as soon as he's within touching distance. He kisses back, relatively chaste but with obvious purpose, enjoys the flush high on Kurt's cheeks as they pull apart.

“Hi,” Kurt breathes, eyes a little dazed, smiling as if he just can't not. He doesn't take his eyes off of Blaine and Blaine can't help but smile back, proud to have gotten such a reaction to his mere presence. He's not quite used to someone being actually genuinely happy to see him.

“Why aren't you in class?” Blaine teases. “You're supposed to be getting an education so you can support the lifestyle I have chosen for myself.”

“I want you to meet someone,” Kurt says, hand sliding down Blaine's arm until he can slide their palms together, tangling his fingers with Blaine's. He pulls him in close to his side, leaning into him in that familiar way that Blaine has already gotten used to. “This is Elliott,” he says, waving at his new friend with his free hand that isn't holding Blaine's. “Elliott, this is Blaine.”

Blaine looks Elliott up and down, offering a nod while Elliott smiles at him pleasantly. He's not really sure what to say. He does seem like a cool dude up close, but something about the way he wears his eyeliner just sits wrong with Blaine. Something about the fact that the first friend Kurt has made is this guy just … doesn't go over well with him at all.

Elliott, however, extends a hand, looking nothing but friendly and open and like the kind of guy you'd have a beer with after a punk show. “Blaine,” he says, and it's obvious he's heard the name before. “So nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Blaine says, taking the offered hand because he knows these things are important to Kurt and he doesn't want to start another fight. Also because he doesn't really dislike Elliott, if he's being honest. He doesn't even really know him. He just thinks he'd like him better far, far away from Kurt. From _them_.

“We were going to grab a quick coffee between classes,” Kurt says. “Do you want to come with us?” He looks at Blaine with so much excitement in his eyes, so much affection, and Blaine just – panics.

“Can't,” he lies. “I promised to meet up with Sam in a few minutes. He has an idea for this club he wants to start and I kind of said I'd help him.”

“Text him and tell him to join us too,” Kurt suggests.

But Blaine shakes his head at him. “We have things to discuss. And we wouldn't want to bore you with all of that. I'll see you tonight, okay?”

Kurt pouts at him. “Are you sure?”

Blaine laughs, kisses him again quickly. “Yes. Now go get your coffee.”

“Fine.” Kurt sighs, squeezes his hand before letting go. “I won't be later than five.”

“Awesome,” Blaine says, watching them walk away, his husband and this guy he can't figure out and isn't quite sure he likes. Turns out Kurt has a thing for bad boys after all, he thinks. Only now he has found one to hang out with who won't keep fucking up everything he touches.

**

Kurt comes home to Blaine sitting on the edge of their bed, playing his guitar rather aggressively, probably something punk that Kurt doesn't know.

“Hi,” he calls over the sound of the song, dropping his bag next to the door.

Blaine looks up, stops playing and puts the guitar aside on the wide mattress. “Hi yourself. How was class?”

Kurt grins. “It was awesome. How was your day?”

Blaine shrugs. “Not bad. You know. Hung out with Sam. Talked band stuff. Started looking for a drummer. Decided to co-found a superhero club. The usual.”

“Hmm.” Kurt walks over to him, leans down over him to kiss Blaine on the lips. “Sounds exciting. Are you hungry?”

“Starving.”

“How about we go to the dining hall? We can meet up with Sam and Mercedes.”

Blaine nods, because yes, that actually sounds a lot better than staying in and being faced with awkward conversation. “Sure. Do you want me to call Sam?”

“That would be awesome,” Kurt agrees. “I really need to pee.”

Blaine laughs, cups the back of his neck with one hand to pull him down into another kiss. “Go do that, and I'll set up our double date for the night.”

Kurt grins. “Sounds kind of awesome when you say it like that. Maybe next time we can invite Elliott and his -”

“Sure, okay, we can do that,” Blaine cuts him off, a little irritated that Elliott has to sneak his way even into their conversation about dinner.

“Oh, speaking of Elliott,” Kurt says, and Blaine does his best not to groan. “I told him all about your musical ambitions and he's cool with letting you audition for the band too, if you want. Actually, I think you're pretty much in if you want in.”

Blaine gapes at him. “He – what? Why?”

Kurt shrugs. “I told him how good you are. He's really excited to hear you sing, actually. I might have spend like half an hour gushing about your voice and your stage presence.” He blushes adorably and Blaine is completely lost for words.

“That band is your thing though,” he says. “Why would you want me to be in your band?”

Kurt looks at him as if he can't believe him. “First of all, it's Elliott's band. And also, I haven't even decided if I want to be in it yet.”

“I don't know if I want it either,” Blaine says, and Kurt's face falls.

“Oh, okay.”

“No, no!” Blaine shakes his head emphatically. “I really appreciate this. It's just -”

“You want to do your own thing,” Kurt finishes the sentence for him, and Blaine nods.

“Kind of? But thank you! I mean, I'm not even ruling it out. Just – can I think about it?”

Kurt nods. “Of course. Auditions are on Saturday. I'm going. You can just come with me if you want.”

“Awesome,” Blaine agrees, accepting Kurt's kiss before leaning back on the bed, waiting until Kurt has gone into the bathroom before he reaches for his phone to call Sam about dinner.

This entire band thing is just giving him a headache by now. But he does feel the tiniest bit bad about the way he'd been so angry at Kurt the day before. He hadn't expected him to go ahead and offer this to Blaine, he's just never had opportunities offered to him like that before.

He dials Sam's number and wonders why he can't be happier about the fact that Kurt tried to do this really nice thing for him. There's still just something about it all that sort of bothers him. But he decides to not think about it for the rest of the night. Maybe things will look better in the morning.


	7. Chapter 6

“Blaine didn't want to come?” Elliott asks, looking at Kurt over his shoulder as he's packing up his things after the audition.

Kurt sighs, lifting his shoulders in a helpless shrug. “I tried convincing him. But he – I don't know. I guess he wants to do his own thing instead. He said he'd think about it, but I don't think he wants to. I'm sorry.”

Elliott nods thoughtfully. “It's really too bad,” he says. “He seems like a cool dude and from what you told me, I'd have liked to hear him. But I think I get it.”

Kurt laughs. “Really? Because I _don't_ get it.” He shakes his head. “I mean, you and Gil are doing this together. I thought it might have been fun for us too.”

“Yes, but Gil and I have had years to figure out how we'd live our life together, no matter who got assigned what role,” Elliott explains. “We've been together pretty much our whole lives and that's just different, you know?” He shrugs. “ I think Blaine probably needs to feel like he can still do his own thing and you'll let him.”

“He was really upset when I told him I wanted to do this in the first place,” Kurt points out.

“You are kind of doing what he wants to do,” Elliott says. “Maybe that's the problem.”

Kurt thinks about it. “So I should quit the band to make him feel better? I mean, provided I'm even in the band?”

Elliott slaps his shoulder. “You're in. Don't worry. And no, you should totally do your thing, if you ask me. I don't think you'll be very happy in the long run if you keep each other from doing things. You can't hold him back, but don't let him hold you back either,” he says.

Gil shows up next to him, leans up to kiss Elliott's cheek. “Baby, stop annoying all of our new friends with your stupidly insightful wisdom.” He looks at Kurt, heaving a dramatic sigh. “I have to apologize for him, he does this to everyone. He means no harm though. He just wants to play.”

Kurt laughs and Elliott grins at Gil affectionately, nudging their shoulders together. “Thanks, honey. Ready to go?”

“Absolutely,” Gil confirms, before turning to Kurt again. “Wanna join us for a cup of coffee? Or several? I mean, _you're_ in, obviously, but we need to go over all the other candidates and make a decision. And you should get a say as our newest band member, and also I could really use someone who appreciates my sarcastic commentary. Elliott is just way too nice all the time.”

Kurt hesitates, but only for a moment. It's Saturday and maybe he should see if Blaine is home yet after hanging out with Sam, and he thinks they should probably do something together. Like Sam and Mercedes and their regular date nights. On the other hand, he's making new friends here and he really likes both Elliott and Gil, and maybe Elliott had a point when he warned Kurt to be careful about not holding each other back. And this is important. Making friends is important.

“Okay,” he agrees. “I'd love to.”

“Awesome,” Elliott says, handing him a stack of sheet music. “You can carry this.”

Kurt grins back at him and follows his two new friends out into the hallway.

**

Blaine smiles at his laptop as he closes out of his email tab, lifts his eyes to look at Sam across the table. “Seven so far,” he says, “And counting. Some of them even sent videos or mp3s of themselves. We can hold auditions early next week and we'll have a band by next Saturday.”

Sam looks pleased. “Awesome. Now they only need to approve our superhero club and we're on our way to owning this campus.”

“Yes!” Blaine agrees. “We should celebrate.”

“We could get cake,” Sam suggests.

Blaine nods. “Cake is good. I like cake. But we could also break out the fake IDs and go to a bar. There has got to be something nearby, this is a college.”

Sam frowns. “I kind of have plans with Mercedes tonight,” he says. “Date night, you know? We're gonna see a movie and stuff. But maybe some other time?”

Blaine sighs, but it's not like Puck always had every night free to hang out with him either. And Sam and Mercedes are so fucking functional and balanced as a couple, he figures there will be a lot of instances where he's going to be left to make his own fun when Kurt isn't around. Kurt is going to be back later tonight though, maybe even in time for dinner, and Blaine thinks hanging out with him is definitely not a hardship. They haven't had enough time for each other lately anyway, and to be honest, he misses him. A lot. He's gotten so used to always having him around. “It's cool,” he assures Sam. “Some other time then. Let's go find some cake?”

**

He sends Kurt a text once he gets back to their room and finds it still empty. _Dinner plans for tonight? Home or dining hall?_

Then he kicks off his shoes, flops down onto the bed, picks up _Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist_ and goes back to reading. He's distracted, though, and ends up reading the same sentence several times before he gives up, closes the book and rolls over onto his back to blink up at the ceiling. Kurt has been attending classes for a week now. They've been living together for two weeks. And – it _is_ working, sort of, isn't it? This marriage thing. He thinks they're definitely getting kind of good at it.

So, they fight, occasionally. He thinks that's probably normal. He's seen his parents fight so many times over the years and he's never doubted that they were happy together. And all things considered, he thinks that he and Kurt are happy too. He kind of really wants them to be. Because everything else would just suck. And also, Kurt is awesome and so nice and sometimes a little weirdly distant, but Blaine is sure there's a logical reason for that, and most of all he just really really likes Kurt. And he's so grateful that Kurt didn't give up on him, he's so happy to be here in New York with a really hot and really amazing husband and to have the opportunity to kind of sort of do at least some of the things he wanted to do.

He can't really figure out what it is that's bothering him about – everything. He sighs, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes and groaning in frustration. At least he'll have something to tell his new therapist with whom he'll have his first session on Monday. He's a bit annoyed that his parents are still making him go (and succeed in still making him go even from several states away). But then, it hadn't been too bad in Lima. Maybe he'll find a way to deal with it here too. It's just a bit embarrassing that he has to go in the first place, but at least Kurt is so very supportive of it, and everyone else never ever has to find out if Blaine has anything to say about it at all.

Finally, his phone buzzes with a text and he eagerly unlocks the screen. He _misses_ Kurt. He just has too much time for silent brooding when Kurt isn't there to distract him and look at him as if he's something special.

_Elliott and Gil are asking if we want to have dinner with them at the dining hall, come join us?_ Kurt has texted.

Blaine drops the phone back onto the bed, clenching his jaw hard as irrational anger bubbles up inside of him. _Elliott_. Of course.

He sits up on the bed, his gaze falling on the laundry basket full of clean laundry that they never got around to putting away yesterday. With a sudden fierce determination, he gets up, walks over, and starts folding up everything in the basket, carefully making sure to mix up all of Kurt's socks so that he only ends up with mismatched pairs.

He feels better once he's done, walks back over to the bed to pick up his phone, texts back, _Sorry I was doing laundry. And yes, sure, be there soon!_

**

Dinner turns out to be fun – Blaine finds himself liking Elliott almost against his will and Gil is funny and quick-witted and sarcastic which is something Blaine can totally work with. He almost wants to ask for his number so he can invite him along if he and Sam ever do get to have their long-planned off-campus checking-out-the-local-clubs night. But he doesn't. He has Sam to hang out with. That's quite enough for now and also, he doesn't even really know this guy, he might turn out to be weird, and it's not like he needs to make friends with Kurt's friends, he's fine being on his own. He has a lot of practice with that.

Blaine almost forgets to be pissed at Kurt for wanting to hang out with other people on a Saturday night – it's not as if Blaine had given him any indication that he wanted to do something with just the two of them. Also, Kurt is so sweetly affectionate toward him, holding his hand and pressing their thighs together under the table and looking at him with so much warmth and fondness in his eyes. On top of that he's glowing with happiness in the middle of his new little group of friends and Blaine can't help but smile every time he looks at him – Kurt is the cutest thing in the world when he's happy and excited like this.

By the time they get home his anger has all but evaporated; it's difficult to stay angry anyway when, as soon as their door closes behind them, Kurt goes from being affectionately attentive to kissing him with purpose, hands roaming all over his body, being so sweetly, adorably horny and needy and desperate for him.

Blaine loves it when they are like this, when Kurt all but ravishes him, clings to him, pushes him down onto the bed and makes those high breathy noises that go straight to Blaine's cock, leaving him hard and intensely aroused underneath Kurt.

“Blaine,” Kurt breathes, straddling his thighs, face pressed against the side of Blaine's neck, hand under Blaine's shirt seeking out all the skin he can touch.

“Don't stop,” Blaine almost begs, sliding his own hands down to Kurt's ass, pressing them closer together. “Please -”

“I want you to fuck me,” Kurt tells him, a little breathless but sounding so sure about it.

Blaine shivers, a hot wave of arousal piercing through him. “Yes. Yes, oh god, _yes_ -”

Kurt goes about undressing them with the same determination he has for everything important in his life, then flops over onto his back, spreading his legs for Blaine eagerly and shoving the lube at him. Blaine has no idea where he even got it from that fast, but takes it anyway and sets to work.

He manages minimal preparation before Kurt gets too impatient, writhing and cursing and babbling underneath him.

“Fuck, Blaine, I'm ready, I'm ready, just fuck me already, do it, fuck me, I want it -”

Blaine slides his fingers out of Kurt, wipes them on the sheets before he lubes himself up, Kurt flipping over onto his belly in the meantime, still babbling at Blaine to _hurry the fuck up_.

He knows Kurt likes it a little rough, doesn't like to be stretched too much, prefers it if Blaine just shoves it in and fucks him. It still leaves him shaking and a little overwhelmed every time, to have this kind of power over Kurt, to be trusted to make him feel good like this – it feels like too much every time, he's not sure how to handle all of this, not sure how to handle _Kurt_. But _god_ he wants him, he wants him so much, is so fucking hard for him, he doesn't know how long he's even going to last like this. But he'll make it good for him first, he'll make it so so good for him because Kurt trusts him to do this. And he wants it so so much.

He carefully lowers himself down over Kurt, starts pushing in, forehead pressed to the soft skin of Kurt's back and eyes squeezed shut as he moans low in his throat, because _fuck_ Kurt is so tight and so hot and _god_ this is going to be over embarrassingly fast -

“In me, come on, need you in me Blaine,” Kurt groans, pushing back against him to make him sink in the entire rest of the way, and Blaine curses, fingers curling into fists against Kurt's hips as he breathes through the sharp flare of pleasure that sets his skin on fire.

“Fuck,” he breathes, pressure already growing at the base of his spine, and he needs to move, god he needs to just fucking ride out those waves of good that are clawing at his insides.

Fortunately, Kurt seems to be in a similar state, whining at him to “ _Move_ , Blaine, oh my god, _fuck_ me.”

And Blaine does, rocking into Kurt with sharp, forceful thrusts that make the bed shake and squeak and make him cry out with the shocks of near-ecstatic bliss every time he pushes in.

Kurt moans and curses underneath him, grinds himself back against Blaine, one hand sneaking underneath his body and Blaine watches the muscles work in his back and shoulder as he jerks himself off furiously.

“So good,” Kurt gasps. “Blaine, _Blaine_ , so good, oh my _god_ -”

Blaine digs his fingers into Kurt's sides, hips snapping forward again again again in a hard, barely controlled rhythm, and he's just about ready to tumble over the edge, he can't hold back anymore, he can't, he has to let go, he has to -

Kurt clenches hard around him all of a sudden, body tensing, his mouth falling open around a sound somewhere between a moan and a scream as he comes.

It takes Blaine a handful more thrusts before he follows him, ears ringing and the world going white as his own orgasm tears through him, pleasure exploding hot deep within and shaking him to the very edges of his body.

He collapses on top of Kurt, gasping for breath and feeling fucking _wrecked_ and blissed out and trembling with the aftershocks that won't stop sparking under his skin.

“Holy shit,” Kurt pants, and Blaine kisses his sweaty shoulder, laughs breathlessly.

“Yeah,” he confirms. “Fuck.”

**

They clean up halfheartedly and cuddle up under the covers, and Blaine feels the day – the past week – catching up with him again as his body starts coming down off the incredible high.

It's just – god, they're _good_ at sex. Like, _really_ good. Kurt is so beautiful and Blaine just wants him so fucking much all the fucking time and he knows, he knows, deep down, that he's never going to stop, Kurt is _amazing_. And yet he can't really ignore the fact that not everything has been awesome since they came here, that not everything between them is as simple as fucking or kissing or cuddling in front of the TV.

And a lot of it is probably his fault because he's just kind of fucked up and incapable of just accepting his role in this life and nothing about being here is quite as easy as he'd hoped it would be. Maybe he should have prepared himself better, made plans like Kurt had, maybe he shouldn't have left it all to chance figuring he'd just find something here.

But he thinks about it and he doesn't know what to do – he doesn't want to lean on Kurt too heavily to find his place here because Kurt had promised him his independence and he's not giving that up for anything. But being here and seeing Kurt achieving while he just – can't … it's not exactly satisfying either. And he's so worried that they'll fall apart because of this, because when will Kurt realize that Blaine is never gonna not be this fucked up sort of asshole who can't even be grateful for the little things in his life?

He's so glad he gets to be the little spoon tonight – he's not sure he'd actually have had the guts to hold Kurt after this, after this weird week of distance and the intensely intimate sex at the end of it. It's all just too much and he doesn't know how to handle it.

And he's so glad that Kurt is here holding him, he's so grateful for Kurt's arm around his waist, Kurt's breath hot and wet against the back of his neck, the comfort of their skin pressed up against each other. He's so grateful that Kurt can be the one holding him, because he's not sure that he could, but the truth is, he needs Kurt. And he hates himself for it just a little bit, hates himself for being this weak, for having to admit to himself that to a certain extent his happiness now depends on another person. It scares him how much he needs him. How much he wants him, not just as a best friend, not just to fuck or to make out with. He just wants – Kurt. All of him. And he's so, so scared of that, because he's Blaine. And he just knows that he'll screw it up eventually. And what will happen to him then?


	8. Chapter 7

They make that Sunday their day. Whether Kurt senses that something is a little off with Blaine or whether he's just missed him too, he cancels even his lunch plans with Mercedes, instead kisses Blaine back into the sheets when he attempts to get up and ventures out to grab them breakfast.

He returns fifteen minutes later with bagels, Blaine waiting for him with two freshly brewed cups of coffee from their own tiny kitchen.

They have breakfast in bed, TV on in the background, but they pay no attention to it. Instead, they talk like they haven't talked all week, about their days and about Blaine's band and about Kurt's band and about Blaine's plans with Sam and about Kurt's classes. And Blaine laughs more than he has laughed in days – this is what he'd been missing, this easy, effortless flow of conversation between them, this comfortable sort of energy they'd shared almost from the beginning.

Once the bagels are eaten and they're done drinking their coffee, he tackles Kurt back onto the mattress, kisses him with the pent-up longing of a week filled with doubts and setbacks. Kurt kisses back just as eagerly and soon enough they're both naked and grinding together on top of the rumpled sheets, panting and clutching at each other and still giggling and kissing and having _fun_.

There's cuddling after sex, gross sweaty sticky naked cuddling with each other's come drying on their chests and stomachs and Blaine plays with Kurt's hair while Kurt absentmindedly runs his fingers over the stubble on Blaine's head. His hair is growing back fast and he's not really sure that he wants to shave it off again. It's just way too time-consuming to keep up with it, and also, he misses his curls.

“You're going to let the curls grow back, right?” Kurt asks, as if he's been reading Blaine's mind.

Blaine laughs, kisses Kurt's chest right above his heart. “Why, are you gonna divorce me if I don't?”

Kurt punches his shoulder. “Shut up. You looked so adorable with the curls. I miss them.”

“Yeah, I do too.” Blaine sighs. “My head gets cold like this.”

“That's what you get for doing stupid impulsive stuff like shaving your head.”

Blaine looks up at him, grinning. “Be glad I didn't go and get a giant Yoda tattoo on my butt!”

Kurt shakes his head, looking a little taken aback. “That would be distracting in certain situations. I'm not entirely sure I could still … you know … if he was looking at me the entire time.”

“Well, that's why I'm not going to do that,” Blaine explains. “At least not in that exact location.”

“What location were you thinking of, then?” Kurt asks.

Blaine shrugs. “I wasn't really thinking seriously about it at all. Until now.”

“Oh.” Kurt cuddles closer to him, laughing a little. “Yeah, well. Maybe let the hair grow back out first. Or maybe one day I'm not even going to recognize you anymore.”

**

Blaine actually leaves first on Monday morning – he has plans with Sam to look at a few possible rehearsal spaces around campus. The college rents out the practice rooms to wives' clubs after hours, and since it's still so early in the semester, a good number of them are still available.

Kurt doesn't have class before eleven, so he lets Blaine kiss him goodbye and stretches out on their big, comfortable mattress, rolling into the spot Blaine has vacated to breathe in his scent and doze off again for a few more minutes.

When he eventually drags himself out of bed, he has a text from Mercedes asking him to meet for breakfast before class, and he confirms, takes a quick shower, and starts putting together his outfit for the day. It's not until he gets to the socks that he stops, frowns, starts rummaging through his drawer to examine all the pairs in there.

“Blaine,” he hisses, shaking his head. They're all mismatched. All of them. Every single pair. And he owns a _lot_ of socks. He sits down on the edge of the bed, not quite knowing whether to laugh or be annoyed. It's such a Blaine thing to do. In the end, he finds two matching socks that also happen to match the rest of his clothes, puts them on, and gets ready for his breakfast with Mercedes. But a plan for retaliation is already brewing in his mind. He'll have to go shopping after class. Maybe he'll get Mercedes or Elliott to come with him.

**

Blaine and Sam take the first practice room they see. It's still free Tuesday and Thursday nights which works perfectly for them since they don't really have any standing appointments so far, and while they're filling out the paperwork for that, they're also told that their superhero club has been approved and they get a choice of locations for that too. So they take care of both things in one morning, and then grab pizza for lunch to celebrate.

Sam brings his laptop so they can email people for auditions the next day now that they have a space. And for the first time in days, Blaine actually feels excited about something. This is really happening. He's starting to actually make a life for himself here and he'll get to make music, which is seriously all he's ever wanted to do.

After that, Blaine has to leave for therapy and Sam has another cooking class, but they make plans to meet up early the next afternoon to set everything up and maybe jam a bit before auditions.

Blaine walks to the subway by himself, hands in his pockets and a spring to his step that hasn't been there in a while. He's hardly even nervous about meeting his new therapist anymore. Just a few days ago he'd had so much he knew he should probably find the will to talk about, but now it feels like he's already on his way to probably being okay.

So, being a wife is still mind-numbingly boring most of the time and he can't deny the fact that he's really incredibly jealous every time Kurt leaves for class or talks excitedly about all the cool stuff he'll have to learn. But whatever, right? He can't change his situation anymore. That ship has sailed long ago. And he's never been the type to linger on the negative for too long. He'll be fine. On days like this one, he can really and truly believe it. Maybe he should call his mom later and let her know he's doing okay. He knows she always worries about him.

**

Kurt gets home first even though he'd been out shopping with Mercedes after class, which, luckily, didn't take long at all this time. So after putting away his things he decides to use the time to himself to call his dad. They haven't really spoken in too long and he misses him.

“So how is everything?” Burt asks. “Are you settling in okay?”

Kurt thinks about it, then grins even though his dad can't see him. “Yes,” he says. “I like it here.”

“I'm glad,” his dad replies. “So classes are good? And how are things with Blaine? I know you were worried about him last time we spoke.”

Kurt sighs. “Classes are good. Interesting. I think it's going to be a lot of work eventually, but we're just getting started now.” He hesitates before continuing. “And Blaine is – I think things are better, dad. I hope they are.” It's not like he's ever told his dad every detail of his relationship with Blaine, but he had mentioned their fight the previous week in an attempt to make sense of it.

“That's good,” Burt says. “You know none of this can be easy for him.”

“I know that. But I think he's finding his place. Slowly. He's hanging out with Sam a lot. I've tried to get him to take a few classes, but he doesn't seem to want to.” Kurt sighs again. “Sometimes he's so -” He shrugs, trying to find the words. “Sometimes he makes me forget why I was ever worried about us working out, you know? It's just – most of the time, it's so easy with him.” He takes a deep breath, shakes his head as he thinks about his next words. “He's my best friend, dad. I don't even know when that happened, but it did.”

“I'm really happy for you, Kurt,” his dad says.”That's a good foundation for a relationship. Any relationship. And I think you guys really do have something special or you wouldn't have made it this far.”

“He's just so unhappy sometimes.” Kurt flattens his palm on the bed, smoothing out the covers carefully. “And I don't know what to do. I think getting involved in some of the activities around here might be good for him and I really want him to feel at home here. But -”

“You can't make him do anything,” Burt falls in. “It's his decision.”

“I know. And I promised him I'd never get involved in his personal life choices.”

“And you can't. You can be there when he needs you, but you can't make his choices for him.”

“I just hate seeing him unhappy.”

“Because you care about him.”

Kurt nods, breathes, feels the truth of those words deep in his chest. “Yeah. I do.”

“I know you do. And all you can do is make sure he knows it too.”

“How?” Kurt wants to know, because this is seriously something he's been wondering about lately. They work so well together, and they get each other, and to Kurt, the way they tease each other and laugh with each other and even the way they fight is just an indicator of how comfortable they are with each other. He hopes Blaine sees it the same way.

“Let him know that he matters,” Burt says.

“That's not really very helpful,” Kurt points out.

“Sorry, kid, I'm afraid you have to figure out the rest on your own.” His dad laughs warmly. “You'll be okay. And if you need anything, you know you can always call me.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“You're welcome.”

“He mixed up all of my socks. I only had mismatched pairs this morning.”

Burt laughs a that, out loud and for about a minute. “Oh man,” he comments. “I like that kid.”

**

He's just hung up when Blaine walks through the door, humming something Kurt doesn't recognize under his breath and smiling.

“Hey you,” Kurt greets him, getting up off the bed where he'd been sitting and walking over to him.

“Hi,” Blaine says back, leaning up for a kiss. “I'm hungry!”

“Dining hall?” Kurt asks. Slapping Blaine's ass playfully as he's walking off to the kitchen to grab something to drink.

“Are we meeting someone there?” Blaine calls back over his shoulder.

Kurt follows him, leaning against the tiny counter while Blaine gets a soda from their tiny fridge. “Nope. But we could if you wanted to. I could call Mercedes or Elliott -”

“Can we just stay in?” Blaine asks. “I'll even whip something up for dinner. My cooking is at least as good as the dining hall stuff. It's just – I've been running around all day and I just kind of want to spend time with you.”

Kurt feels his stomach swoop pleasantly at Blaine's words, kisses him again, smiling into it. “Of course. Yes. That sounds great, actually.”

“Awesome.”

“Gives me time to sort out my sock drawer too, if we're not going out.”

Blaine grins. “You noticed that, did you?”

“It was hard _not_ to notice. What were you even thinking, Blaine?”

Blaine shrugs, hands on Kurt's hips, eyes sparkling with amusement. “Why? Did I do something wrong? I'm trying my _best_ , Kurt, I mean, I cook and I clean and I'm doing everything, and you're not going to hold this _tiny little_ mistake against me, are you?”

Kurt kisses his nose, grins back at him. “Oh sweetheart, of course not. In fact,” he reaches for the bag he's set on the counter earlier, pulls out the ugliest, frilliest apron he'd been able to find on short notice. “I got you this to let you know how much I appreciate everything you do for me.”

Blaine's eyes widen in shock as he takes in the monstrosity, and then he bursts out laughing, collapsing forward so his forehead is resting against Kurt's chest as he shakes with it. “Oh my god. You _didn't_.”

“Do you mean you don't like it?” Kurt asks, hardly able to keep a straight face himself. He pats the short stubbly hair at the back of Blaine's head affectionately, sighs. “I don't know what to do with you sometimes.”

Blaine looks up at him, wiping tears from his eyes as he hiccups with laughter. “Just for that, I'm going to let you take care of dinner. I'm definitely not cooking tonight.”

Kurt pouts. “I was looking forward to seeing you wear this!”

“Why don't _you_ wear it instead?” Blaine suggests. “Because I'm not going to!”

“Are you sure about that? It might look very hot on you! It could distract from the entire – hair situation.”

Blaine snorts. “You're unbelievable.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Kurt asks, tilting his head at Blaine.

“Oh, it's a good thing,” Blaine assures him, sliding his arms around Kurt's waist and pulling him in closer until Kurt hugs him around the shoulders, smiling. “It's a very good thing,” he repeats, going in for a kiss that's slow and drawn-out and deep and makes Kurt's toes curl against the kitchen linoleum.

“I thought we were going to make dinner,” Kurt whispers when they pull apart.

Blaine shakes his head. “Making out first, dinner later.”

“I approve of your priorities,” Kurt says, starting to walk them backwards toward the bed.

“I knew you would,” Blaine says happily.

**

They end up reheating leftovers once it's already dark outside and they eat sitting on the floor in their underwear, Blaine telling Kurt about the new rehearsal space and Kurt asking questions about the people they invited to audition.

He remembers his dad's words from earlier about making Blaine understand that he mattered, and as he listens to him talk about his day and his plans for the week and his music and Sam and just _everything_ , he thinks that letting Blaine know that he matters should be the easiest thing in the world. Because he _does_. He matters to Kurt, so very much.

“I'm so excited about your band,” Kurt tells him.

Blaine gives him a surprised look. “You are?”

Kurt nods. “Of course I am. I can't wait to hear you play for the first time.”

“That's – really nice, thank you,” Blaine says, sounding pleased.

Kurt shuffles a little closer to him, cuddling up against his side, happy when Blaine hugs him in close immediately. “You are exceptionally talented and should be on stage all the time,” Kurt tells him, and means it. “I can't wait to stand in the front row and point up and tell everyone that they can't have you because you're married to _me_.”

Blaine pulls him closer, presses his lips to Kurt's cheek in a gesture that's so sweet and gentle Kurt feels his breath hitch in his throat. “You're amazing,” Blaine says, voice a little hoarse.

Kurt wraps his arms around him and holds him close and feels so safe and content he has no choice but to hide his smile against Blaine's warm chest. “So are you,” he answers. “Doesn't that work out perfectly?”


	9. Chapter 8

“I'm thinking of getting a job,” Kurt tells Elliott over a shared plate of fries, taking a long sip of his soda. “I mean, it'll take time away from studying and band practice and Blaine, but -”

“Yeah no, I get it,” Elliott says, nodding. “I've actually talked it over with Gil too. His parents have money and he wants me to focus on college and let his folks pay for us. I mean, they know me, I practically grew up at their house. But -” he shrugs. “I'd like us to have our own money. And it's not like Gil can go and get a regular job.”

Kurt laughs. “I know. How stupid is that though? I haven't actually talked about it with Blaine yet, but yeah, I know he'd probably prefer it if he could actually go and earn us money while I'm stuck in class. It doesn't make sense that he can't.” He pauses, not sure if it's safe to say, but he's pretty sure by now that Elliott's view of the world is similar to his and Blaine's. “Doesn't make sense that he can't go to class either.”

Elliott sighs, lifting his shoulders in a helpless gesture. “Oh man, I feel so bad sometimes that I get to do all of this and Gil can't. It's just not fair, is it? He's smart. He could be – I don't know, a teacher, or a scientist, or an astronaut or whatever. Instead he'll be stuck at home taking care of the kids we'll have eventually. Not that that's a bad thing, not just anyone is good at raising kids, and I think he will be when the time comes. But he could honestly be our next president or something if he had the chance.”

“Yes!” Kurt leans forward in his seat. “I mean, Blaine too. He's _so_ smart. He reads, like, all the time, I swear sometimes he reads two books a day. I have never seen anyone read that fast before. And he remembers everything. Back in high school, he hardly ever even showed up to class and yet his grades were always really good, I don't even know how he did it. And you should see him play the piano, he listens to a song just once and then just plays it from memory, and it's usually even better than the original. God, he could be – he could be whatever he wanted to be, if he had the chance. He's _amazing_ ,” Kurt finishes, a little breathless. But it's true. The world doesn't even know what it's missing by keeping Blaine from realizing his full potential.

Elliott gives him a look, half amused, half touched. “Wow.”

“What?” Kurt asks, still grinning at the thought of Blaine and everything that he is and everything that he does.

“Just – Blaine is a very lucky guy, to have someone who believes in him like that.”

“I do believe in him,” Kurt says. “And it's funny, but when he first showed up at school, I didn't even really look at him twice. I mean, I never even really entertained the thought that there was even the possibility of something there, you know?” He shrugs. “When they paired us up together, I was so angry, because I just – I couldn't believe we could ever have anything in common.”

“And now?” Elliott wants to know.

“And now I wish the whole damn world could see him the way I do,” Kurt continues. “With everything he's been through, all that crap, and now this – I just really admire him,” he admits. “And he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel so safe, and I -” he lowers his eyes to the table top, his smile small and shy. “I'm so grateful for him,” he says. “He's so amazing. I've never met anyone like him before.”

“Oh Kurt.” Elliott reaches across the table, patting his shoulder. “Sounds like you really are lucky too.”

“I am,” Kurt breathes. “I really am.”

**

Auditions run until after ten on Tuesday night and Blaine hangs back to chat with Sam about potential candidates, eventually deciding to make the final decision the next day. There's no reason to rush anything, and it's nice to have options.

By the time he makes it home to his and Kurt's dorm room, it's almost eleven, and he's feeling wide awake and excited and just too full of energy to even think about sleep. And it's not even like he has any plans the next day; he could just tell Kurt he's going out again and see about maybe finding a bar somewhere, preferably one with a band playing that night.

But then he opens the door and finds Kurt sprawled across their bed wearing nothing but sweatpants, laptop on the mattress next to him and the quiet sounds of a movie drifting through the room. He looks comfortable, sleepy, too beautiful to be real.

“Hi,” Blaine says, closing the door behind himself and walking over to the bed, leaning down to kiss Kurt's lips softly.

Kurt blinks slowly up at him, closing the laptop and smiling lazily, opening his arms for him as Blaine lowers himself down onto the mattress to curl up in his husband's arms. “Hi,” he says. “How did it go? Do you have a band? Do you have a band name yet?”

Blaine laughs against Kurt's chest, lips brushing his soft skin. “Not yet. But we're going to, this time tomorrow. Well. Maybe not a name. But a band, yes. First official rehearsal on Thursday.”

“That's great,” Kurt says, kissing the top of Blaine's head. “I'm so happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Blaine shuffles around a bit, content where he is but still so restless with the excitement of the night coursing through him.

“We should celebrate,” Kurt suggests, but makes no move to go anywhere, obviously suppressing a yawn before he continues speaking. “We could go out. Do something fun.”

“It's late,” Blaine points out. “And you're tired, and you have class tomorrow.”

“But this is a huge thing,” Kurt protests. “And I want you to know – I want -” he yawns openly this time, belatedly bringing a hand up to his mouth to cover it. “Sorry. I want to do something with you to commemorate the moment.”

Blaine runs his palm up and down Kurt's side, grinning happily. “Thank you. But we don't have to do anything right now.”

“But I know you want to!”

“I don't want you falling asleep during dance class tomorrow.”

“No, that would suck.”

“How about -” Blaine muses. “How about I just go and make us some tea, and we can watch something?”

Kurt hums, arching into Blaine's touch. “Or you can grab the bottle of sparkling cider that I bought earlier today for this very occasion. It's in the fridge. And then you can tell me everything about every single person who auditioned tonight.”

“When did you have time to go to the store?” Blaine asks, delighted at Kurt's thoughtfulness.

“Oh, just – earlier,” Kurt explains like it's no big deal. “I wanted to have something for you when you got back.”

“Thank you,” Blaine says, and kisses him again before getting up to get the bottle and some glasses.

**

The next few weeks are easier. Blaine keeps busy with his band – he writes songs; some alone, some with Sam, and he actually makes friends with his fellow band members, all of them wives, which is a coincidence, but one Blaine rather likes. Sophia is the awesomest bassist he's ever heard in his life and Daisy can't sing for shit but once they'd heard her play they hadn't even paid much attention to any other drummer who auditioned. It may not be legally possible for them to be productive members of society, but they can still rock.

Things with Kurt are great – Blaine is even warming up to Elliott a little because, seriously, he's a nice guy and obviously a good friend to Kurt. Also, Gil is kind of awesome, a bit like Kurt but even more sarcastic, and also more punk rock than Broadway, which is something Blaine can definitely work with. And soon enough Blaine and Sam invite him along on most of their trips off campus to explore the neighborhood and New York in general. Sophia and Daisy usually tag along as well, and Blaine hasn't had a group of friends like this since he was fourteen – it's a bit overwhelming sometimes, but it also feels really, really good.

By the time they're two months into the semester he never eats lunch alone anymore – even if Kurt is busy with classes and his own friends, Blaine always has Sam or Gil or Daisy or Sophia to hang out with. He meets Daisy's husband Leo at their second band rehearsal when he shows up to listen to take her out to dinner after they're done and he's a really nice guy – a bit nerdy and a bit shy but obviously very supportive of anything Daisy does with her own time. Sophia never talks about her husband and he never introduces himself to her new friends, but Blaine doesn't think much about it, until he finds himself at lunch with only Sophia on a Wednesday in the dining hall.

“You seem distracted,” he tells her after she's dropped her fork into her salad for the third time.

She laughs a little nervously. “I'm not sure I can make rehearsal tomorrow,” she says.

“Oh?” He tilts his head at her. “That's too bad. Any exciting plans?”

She shakes her head, staring down at her hands. “Caleb has a thing. I need to go with him.”

“A game?” Blaine asks, since he knows her husband is here on a football scholarship.

“No.” She bites her lip. “It's just a party. But it's like – everyone brings their wives. I kind of have to go.”

“Well, then, have fun,” Blaine tells her. “I have to say I'm a little surprised that there aren't more parties on campus all the time, I was kind of led to believe that that was what college is all about.”

Sophia laughs, but it doesn't sound amused. “Yeah, it probably won't be fun, but thanks anyway.”

“Not a party person?” Blaine asks. He can totally relate to that. Bars and concerts are his thing, parties are crowded and more than half the people in attendance are usually lame and stupid.

“No I love parties,” she says. “I just hate Caleb's friends. And getting him drinks all night and being shown off like a fucking trophy isn't my idea of a good time.”

“He makes you get him drinks?” Blaine shakes his head. “Man. That kinda sucks. I mean, you're not his servant or anything, he should get his own damn beer.”

“He makes me do lots of things I don't want to do,” she says, eyes widening as she realizes what she just said. “Forget I just said that,” she tells him, almost panicked. “I didn't mean it.”

Blaine watches her carefully, the way her hands are shaking ever so subtly, the silent fear in her eyes that she's trying so hard to hide. “What does he make you do?” he asks, suddenly feeling very protective of his new friend.

“Nothing,” she insists. “Seriously. He's not – I didn't mean anything by it, it just sucks that I can't be there tomorrow. I really shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?” he says, finding he means it.

She reaches across the table, squeezing his hand, smiling. “That means a lot that you're saying that, thank you,” she tells him. “But I'm fine. Honestly. I swear. I'm just upset about missing rehearsal.”

He doesn't believe her, but lets it go for now. He knows he wouldn't talk about something deeply personal if someone was trying to make him, and he assumes it might be the same for her. Still, he makes up his mind to keep a close eye on her from now on, just in case.

**

“I'm worried about Soph,” he tells Kurt once they're curled up in bed that night, his feet tucked safely against Kurt's, head resting on Kurt's chest.

“What's wrong with her?” Kurt wants to know.

“She said some things about her husband,” Blaine says. “Well, she implied some things. When I tried asking her directly, she said everything was fine.”

“We've never met him, right?” Kurt tries to remember.

“No.” Blaine shakes his head. “And she doesn't talk about him much.”

“Maybe they just had a fight,” Kurt suggests. “What exactly did she say?”

Blaine sighs. “Not much. Just that he's making her do things she doesn't want to. But she might just have been referring to the party he's making her go to. She has to miss rehearsal because of it.”

Kurt is quiet for a moment, absentmindedly stroking the back of Blaine's head, playing with the still stubbly hair there that is slowly growing back. “It still doesn't sound nice when she said it like that,” he finally says. “I get why you're worried.”

“I know right?” Blaine looks up at him, unable to stop thinking about what it could have meant, knowing he's probably blowing a simple comment way out of proportion. But if he's not... “You just hear all of those stories about matches gone wrong and abusive husbands and she's my friend and I just – what do I do?” he asks. “I mean, what if I'm making too big a deal out of this?”

Kurt shakes his head slowly. “I don't know,” he admits. “I mean, do we have any kind of evidence that – you know ...”

“No,” Blaine says. “But does that mean we just let it go?”

“You know her better than I do,” Kurt points out. “And if you're worried, I think you should just – be her friend? Try to let her know that you're there if she needs you.”

Blaine bites his lip, trying to voice the thought that's been going around his head all afternoon. “I don't have much experience with that kind of thing though,” he finally admits. “I've never had to – be there for anyone like that. What if I can't do it?”

“Blaine.” Kurt hugs him closer, takes his hand and brings it up to his mouth to place a kiss in his palm. “I know you don't believe me when I tell you this, but you're one of the sweetest and most caring people I've ever met.”

“Do you even know me?” Blaine laughs. “Because that doesn't sound like me at all.”

“But it does,” Kurt tells him, sounding determined. “Don't you know that you're the best friend I've ever had? I would tell you anything because I'd know it'd be safe with you. I trust you. And you know me well enough to know that that's not an easy thing for me to say.”

Blaine feels tears sting his eyes and he has to hide his face against Kurt's chest for a moment. “I -” He takes a deep breath, makes his voice as steady as he can when he says, “I feel the same way. About you. You know that, right?”

Instead of a response, Kurt rolls them over so Blaine is on his back underneath him, and kisses him long and gentle and deep.

And Blaine holds onto him and feels, for the first time really, that he's been really incredibly lucky.


	10. Chapter 9

Kurt’s phone buzzes with a text as he’s walking home across the quad, and he fishes it out of his pocket and unlocks the screen.

It’s from Blaine, and simply says: _I’m cooking!!!!!_

He frowns, almost stopping in his tracks as he ponders the implications of that text. From anyone else, he’d assume they were preparing dinner. But this is _Blaine_. Who definitely _can_ cook and makes awesome pancakes, but otherwise insists on take out and dining hall food on principle. Also, Kurt can’t deny that the overuse of exclamation points makes him worry just a bit – this is more than a statement, more than ‘hey, I’m making food so don’t pick anything up on the way.’ This is – weird.

He hurries the rest of the way home, a bit nervous about what he’s going to find there.

What he finds as soon as he enters the door is the sound of Frank Sinatra blasting through their dorm room and Blaine’s voice singing along from the direction of their tiny kitchen. He just lets his bag and jacket drop onto the floor right where he stands and makes his way carefully over there, torn between dread and curiosity.

And there’s Blaine in the kitchen, stirring something in the largest pot they own, shimmying and bobbing his head to the music. He’s wearing the frilly apron Kurt bought him as a joke. And nothing else.

Kurt stands rooted to the spot, taking in the sight of Blaine’s bare ass, jiggling a little with his dance moves, the straps of the apron slung across his back and tied into neat little bows in the front. He wants to say something, announce his presence somehow, but all that comes out is a sort of squeak when he opens his mouth.

Blaine hears him though, turns around with a bright smile on his face. “Honey, you’re home,” he says, voice overly sweet as he scuttles over to Kurt, pressing a close-mouthed kiss to his cheek. “How was your day? Please sit – do you want a foot rub?”

Kurt shakes his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts, opens and closes his mouth a few times. “What are you doing?”

Blaine pulls back, blinking up at Kurt innocently from underneath his thick lashes. His eyeliner is, for once, applied perfectly. “Making dinner for my hard-working man,” he explains. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“What are you _wearing_?” Kurt specifies, voice a little hoarse. “Are you cooking naked?” He knows it’s a rather stupid question, but he can’t say that he’s really having a lot of capacity for rational thought right now.

Blaine’s smile is wide and flirty and a little unsettling, keeping up the perfect Stepford act in spite of being practically naked. “I wanted to look nice for you!”

“Thank you,” Kurt says lamely, and then does the one thing he can think of, which is hug Blaine in close, sliding his hands around his back and down to grab two fistfuls of his ass, and kiss him.

Blaine kisses back, smiling into it, laughing when Kurt pulls back. “You bought me this thing, so I’m wearing it,” he tells Kurt, motioning down his front to indicate the apron. “Problem?”

“Mmm.” Kurt slides his hands over Blaine’s back, all that naked skin, presses a series of kisses down his neck to his shoulder. “Not at all. But I’m still hungry. Are you actually making dinner or was that a joke?”

Blaine tilts his head to the side, giving Kurt better access to his neck. “No, I’m making a stew. Old family recipe. Should be ready in about five minutes. And don't get used to it, I'm just making it because I wanted to eat it.”

“So that means sex will have to wait?” Kurt asks sadly, lifting his head to meet Blaine’s eyes, pouting. “Tease!”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Blaine says, and there’s that grin again. “Would it help if I didn’t put on any clothes for dinner?”

“Yeah, actually, it would,” Kurt tells him.

“Okay then.”

Kurt squints his eyes at him, Blaine’s happy smile making something twist pleasantly in his stomach. “You like being naked, don’t you?”

“Oh god, the freedom, Kurt!” Blaine exclaims. “It’s unbelievable. I might start wearing aprons only from now on.”

“We’ll get kicked off campus.”

“Dammit.”

“You look – you’re in a really good mood, aren’t you?” Kurt asks softly.

“Yeah, I am,” Blaine agrees. I don’t know, it’s just been a really good week.”

“I found a job,” Kurt changes the topic, mentally kicking himself when Blaine’s smile dims a bit. It’s sort of a sore spot for him still that he can’t.

“That’s nice.”

“You know we need the money.”

Blaine sighs, apparently not letting their inequality ruin his mood tonight. “I know. I know. Set the table while I finish up here?”

Kurt kisses his lips, gives a playful slap to a bare ass cheek, and nods. “Okay.”

**

“So, you coming with us tonight?” Blaine asks Sophia as they're packing up after rehearsal. “It's in this awesome little club and actually walking distance from campus and there are loads of bands playing. And, I don't know, we thought maybe we could check it out and if we like the place, we could try to get them to let us play too one of these days. They have punk shows like twice a week at least.”

Sophia shrugs her shoulders, seems to think about it. “I'll have to ask Caleb. Can you wait while I call him?”

Blaine smiles at her. “Sure. Not a problem.” After his suspicions about her husband and his conversation with Kurt, his overactive mind immediately wants to read into this, find something wrong with the fact that she has to call him for this. But then, he'd call Kurt too if he decided to go out spontaneously; he wouldn't want him to worry. On the other hand, he wouldn't ask Kurt for permission. He'd _tell_ him. And Kurt would be okay with it.

“Is Kurt meeting us?” Sam asks, suddenly appearing next to Blaine. “Mercedes just texted me that she'll be here in five minutes.”

Blaine nods. “Yeah, he said he -” Kurt chooses that exact moment to walk through the door and Blaine can't help the way his face lights up as he sees him. “He's already here,” he says, smiling widely as Kurt walks over to him, leans up to accept the quick peck on the lips.

“Hi,” Kurt says. “Ready to go?”

Blaine nods. “We're waiting for Soph to make sure she can join us, but then we're good, yes.”

“My guy is meeting us there,” Daisy speaks up from the corner of the room, shaking a few strands of pink hair from her face as she looks up from her phone. “Apparently he has a super important math problem that's still defying him.”

“But he'll show up, right?” Sam asks.

Daisy laughs. “Yeah, trust me, he will. He needs to get out sometimes. Plus he loves me and I told him I expect to see him there.”

Sophia walks back into the room, phone clutched in her hand, grinning brightly. “It's okay, I can go,” she says. “Caleb has a thing with his team mates tonight so he doesn't expect me home any time soon.”

“Great,” Blaine says, seeing the way Kurt frowns at her statement. He takes his hand, squeezes it lightly. “So, let's go?”

Mercedes meets them outside and Sam hugs her around the shoulders as they start walking. Blaine is still holding Kurt's hand, but is about to let go to walk with Sophia so she doesn't have to be on her own surrounded by couples, when Daisy walks up to her instead, taking her arm as they walk and starting to talk excitedly about something Blaine can't hear.

He relaxes, looking over at Kurt to find him already looking at him with a soft expression in his eyes. “What?” he asks.

Kurt shakes his head, lowering his eyes. “Nothing,” he says, and Blaine lets it go for now.

**

The club is actually pretty cool – small and just a little filthy and with a rough kind of charm, and with reasonably priced drinks that they manage to buy with their fake IDs. The first band is just wrapping up their set as they arrive and even Mercedes seems to enjoy herself dancing to the music she doesn't even really like, and Sam looks very happy. Daisy dances with Sophia while she's waiting for her own husband to show up and Blaine lets Kurt pull him in close for a moment at the edge of the dance floor, lets himself be kissed thoroughly in the middle of dozens of bodies pushing and shoving all around them.

“What was that for?” he asks in the momentary silence of the band clearing their equipment from the stage.

“I hadn't seen you yet today,” Kurt explains as if it makes perfect sense. “And I missed kissing you.”

Blaine grins, heart thumping happily in his chest, and captures Kurt's lips in another long kiss. “I missed you too,” he says.

Kurt laughs. “I said I missed _kissing_ you. Not that I missed you. Just your mouth.” He slides a hand down Blaine's back, squeezing his ass in a way Blaine knows he wouldn't be doing if the club was better lit and if people weren't focused on pushing towards the bar right now anyway. “And other parts of your anatomy.”

“You have such a dirty little mind,” Blaine tells him. “It's disgusting. I'm a respectable young man.”

Kurt snorts. “Go play with your friends, sweetheart. I'll be at the bar if you need me.”

Blaine grins, turns to walk away, fake-glaring at Kurt back over his shoulder when Kurt slaps his ass. He knows he's in for a fun time later if Kurt is already in such a playful mood before the night has even really started.

Daisy, Sophia and Sam are waiting for him near the stage, excited for the music to start. Those are mostly college bands playing here tonight, so they'll get some idea of how good they are compared to everyone else. Mercedes is pushing her way back to the crowd to hang out with Kurt at the back of the room – Blaine knows there's not going to be any way to get either her or Kurt into a mosh pit and that's cool; at least they're here and that means a lot to both him and Sam. Daisy waves excitedly and Blaine turns his head to see her husband standing near the door waving back at her, looking a little lost in the middle of the punk rock crowd. Kurt is already making his way over to him to no doubt invite him to hang out with him and Mercedes.

It's going to be an awesome night.

**

Kurt sits at the bar with Mercedes and Daisy’s husband just watching and listening as the band plays. It’s too loud to really talk over the music and he enjoys just sitting back and letting the night happen around them. He’s still not a fan of the music in general, it’s too loud for his taste and he doesn’t really see the appeal, he’ll just stick with what he knows. But he does appreciate the energy at these concerts, the joy and the playfulness and the way no one here takes themselves too seriously. And he enjoys watching Blaine the way he always is at these events.

They’ve been to a few punk shows together so far; Kurt makes it a point to go with him every now and then because he knows this is important to Blaine. And even if this isn’t his kind of music, it is always worth it to see Blaine so happy, to see Blaine dancing and shouting and laughing like nothing could ever be better than this.

Right now Blaine is yelling something at the stage, earning a wave back from the singer. He throws his head back and laughs, then hugs Sophia enthusiastically as the two start talking with their heads close together and their arms around each other.

Kurt smiles. He doubts that Blaine even realizes what he’s doing by sticking to Sophia’s side like this all night and being so randomly affectionate with her. But he’s sure it’s sending the right message to Sophia – the offer of a safe space and an open ear should she ever need it. And if she doesn’t, they’ll both have made a great friend regardless. He wonders if Blaine will ever stop surprising him. He hopes not.

And he can’t stop staring at him, and he can’t stop being amazed that this is the thing that’s making him happiest most of the time – this guy in the cut up jeans and band t-shirt with his hair that will soon be long enough to curl again at the top of his head, eyeliner still smudged around the edges and the faint glimmer of sweat on the back of his neck after dancing all night. Sometimes, Kurt thinks about it, about what would have happened if they’d gone through with their appeal back when they first got assigned to each other. He’d never have gotten to know what a wonderful person Blaine is and how well they work together, despite all of their occasional difficulties.

Mercedes pokes him in the side and he turns his head to look at her. She leans in close so her mouth is close to his ear, shouts over the noise of the music. “Are you having fun?” she asks.

Kurt thinks about it, then nods at her, grinning. He is definitely having fun. College is awesome. And so is being married to the most unpredictable boy he’s ever met.


	11. Chapter 10

It's getting cold outside and Kurt is wrapped tightly in his jacket, walking next to Mercedes across the quad in the direction of the dining hall with their arms linked.

“Is Blaine joining us for lunch?” she asks. “Sam should be there already.”

Kurt shakes his head. “No, Blaine is out with Sophia. I'm not sure what they're doing, something about picking up a guitar amp somewhere?” He frowns. “Anyway, no, he's not joining us.”

“Your boy's keeping busy.” Mercedes laughs. “I haven't seen him in, like, a week.”

It's true – Blaine hardly ever meets them for lunch anymore and over the past weeks they've had only a handful of dinners together. When Blaine isn't out with Sophia, he's hanging out with Daisy, or even Daisy's husband, or with Sam planning stuff for their ridiculous superhero club that no one but them has even joined yet. He's also been hanging out quite a lot with Gil lately and Kurt has to admit that if he didn't know how Gil was very much in love with Elliott, he'd be a little worried. Blaine is more relaxed and open around his new friends than Kurt has ever seen him.

“I'm glad he's settled in so well,” Kurt admits. And he means it. That doesn't stop him from kind of missing Blaine when he doesn't show up for lunch. “Besides, I need to talk to you and Sam about his birthday anyway, so it's kind of good that he isn't here today.”

“Got something big planned?” Mercedes asks excitedly.

Kurt shrugs. “I'm just hoping he'll have time for me at all. But it's a Saturday so I don't have classes and I cleared my shifts at the diner, so I was hoping to just spend the day with him and maybe throw him a surprise party that night? Something wild and fun, I don't know.” He laughs. “You know what, I even called Puck to ask him if he could fly all the way across the country to show up.”

Mercedes shakes her head at him. “And what did he say?”

“He doesn't know if he can make it.”

“Well, it's the thought that counts,” Mercedes tells him. “He's going to love everything you do anyway.”

Kurt sighs. “I hope so. I hope he doesn't have other plans already.”

“What do you mean? What other plans would he be making for his birthday?”

“Whatever.” Kurt dismisses it with a wave of his hand. “I'm just being overly dramatic. It's just that we haven't really seen a lot of each other lately and I'm really happy that Blaine has Sam and Sophia and Daisy and Gil, but -” He breaks off, grimaces, embarrassed.

“You miss him,” Mercedes fills in the blank, sounding almost smug about it.

Kurt frowns. “Well, yeah. He's my best friend.”

“Your best friend who you also sleep with.”

“We're married.”

“You're missing the point,” Mercedes tells him.

Kurt laughs, bumps their shoulders together playfully. “You're being dumb.”

Mercedes gives him an exasperatedly amused look, but doesn't say anything else until they reach the dining hall and start discussing food options.

**

Blaine and Sophia have been in the record shop for maybe half an hour when the others join them, Daisy arriving first, followed closely by Sam. With the four of them inside the small shop is already rather crowded, but there isn't anyone else in it and the bored looking girl with the blue hair behind the counter isn't even acknowledging them, instead reading a comic book while absentmindedly fiddling with her lip ring.

“How did you even find this place?” Blaine asks Sophia, looking around at the walls covered in band posters. The floor is dusty, the light coming from a naked light bulb in the middle of the ceiling and there's only a bit of sun filtering through the grimy shop window on a rainy day like this one.

“Yeah, it's awesome,” Daisy agrees, browsing through a stack of records.

“Pretty cool,” Sam says, hands in his pockets, and Blaine smiles at him gratefully. He knows they're all probably a bit more punk rock than Sam had expected or is strictly comfortable with. But he seems to be getting into it more and more, judging from the purple streak in his blond surfer hair.

Sophia shrugs. “Dumb luck I guess. I was trying to find a shortcut to the bakery Caleb likes and took a wrong turn.”

“I want to live here,” Blaine decides. He loves record shops, especially the ones that have character like this one. Sophia smiles happily.

“So about the gig,” Daisy says, getting down to business immediately, turning around to face the others. “I got an email from that club we checked out last week offering us a slot on Thursday two weeks from now. At eight. Which means we'll be mostly playing to an empty house before the real crowd shows up, but hey, we're new. I think we should take it.”

“They honestly liked our stuff?” Blaine asks, incredulously. They had recorded themselves in the rehearsal room with crappy pieced together equipment they got off eBay. It hadn't even sounded good to his own ears and he'd written the song.

Daisy grins. “Enough to let us play.”

“Two weeks.” Sophia shakes her head. “That's – soon.”

“I think we can do it,” Blaine says.

Sam nods. “We put together competition numbers in glee club a day before the competition. And we're better than a high school glee club, right?”

“Nerd,” Sophia says affectionately, and Daisy laughs at him.

“I like your enthusiasm,” she says.

“So, we're doing this?” Blaine says.

“We are,” Daisy decides. Everyone else nods in agreement.

Blaine can't keep the grin off of his face – he has a band and they have their first gig. Things are really happening for him now. “Wait,” he says. “What about a band name?”

Daisy blinks at him. “Haven't we settled on _Bionic Bird_? I've already started drawing band logos for that one.”

“That was a joke,” Blaine says. “But we can keep it if you want. I like it.”

“Awesome,” Sam says. “I like it too.”

“Then it's settled.” Daisy smiles, brushes her pink bangs from her face. “It's warm in here after the fucking freezing rain outside,” she says, slipping off her jacket.

“Hold on.” Blaine takes a step closer to her. “Did you get a new tattoo?”

She twists her upper body a bit so they can fully see the back of her shoulder. “A few days ago. Leo got one too this time.” On her skin, there's a picture about the size of Blaine's hand of Tigger with a green mohawk.

“Oh my god, I love that,” Sophia says.

“You got Leo to get one too?” Sam asks. “ _How_?”

Daisy laughs. “I have my methods of persuasion. Though he got a Star Trek communicator on his chest. That nerd. And he fainted at one point.” She scrunches her nose. “He's the most adorable thing in the world, I swear.”

“Where did you get it done?” Blaine asks, fingers hovering over Daisy's skin to trace the outlines of the happy little punk rock tiger.

She looks at him over her shoulder. “Why, want to get one too?”

He nods. “Actually yes.” His curls are slowly growing back, and he's grateful for that. He feels more like himself like this. Maybe a tattoo is a better, more permanent sort of statement. Besides, he's always kind of wanted one.

She smiles. “Let's swing by once we're done here. You can have a look around and if you like it you can make an appointment.”

Blaine grins. “That sounds awesome.”

**

“So how come you have time to hang out tonight?” Elliott wants to know, letting himself fall onto the couch next to Kurt, handing him a can of soda. “Didn't you say Wednesday was your date night this week?”

Kurt shrugs. “It was, yeah. But Blaine had other plans.”

“Yeah, I assumed as much.” Elliott bumps their shoulders together. “You've only mentioned like five times that you were hanging out with him tonight. So I guess I'm just surprised, is all. You two were so serious about making time for each other, it was kind of cute.”

“I'm still serious about that.” Kurt frowns. “I just don't think Blaine is.”

“He just canceled your plans for tonight?”

“It's not that we even really had any concrete plans,” Kurt admits. “We usually just stay in and watch a movie and cuddle and -” he looks down, waving his hand in an embarrassed little gesture. “Um. You know.”

“Have sex?” Elliott finishes the sentence for him.

“Uh. Yeah.” Kurt laughs. “And, well, I understand how that's a bit – boring? I guess.” Kurt shakes his head, feeling just the tiniest bit sorry for himself. “I mean, for someone like Blaine, that's probably not what qualifies as a good time. He likes to be spontaneous. It's just that I have class all the time and my shifts at the diner and the band – by the way, are we serious about _Pamela Lansbury_?”

“I like that name.”

“Okay, just asking. I like it too. But anyway, I'm tired a lot. And if Blaine wanted to go to a concert or a club or whatever I'd go with him, I don't have an early class on Thursday. But he never said. I don't know. He didn't even ask. I would have been fine with whatever he wanted!”

Elliott looks at him for a long time. “If Blaine didn't say anything, maybe he's not actually unhappy with what you do?”

Kurt sighs. “And yet he canceled the one night we had set aside for hanging out together this week.” He bites his lip. “I see him less now that we're living together than I did when we were still in school.”

“And that bothers you.”

“Yeah? Of course it does! I mean wouldn't you mind if you only saw Gil for ten minutes over breakfast every day? And usually these days I spend those ten minutes watching Blaine sleep while I have my coffee. He is always out late with one of his new friends and doesn't get up before lunch.”

Elliott smiles at him. “But you were worried about him not making any friends and being lonely. Isn't this a good thing?”

Kurt makes a wailing noise, slapping his hands across his face. “Stop making so much sense! I want to be childish and immature and whine about how my boyfriend isn't making enough time for me!”

“You're actually married to him, Kurt,” Elliott reminds him.

“Right.” Kurt laughs a little breathlessly. “The problem remains the same though. Please indulge me and let me feel sorry for myself?”

Elliott chuckles softly. “If you insist. But I think if you just tell him that you miss him that will actually resolve this entire issue. He cares about you. Anyone can see that. Maybe you should just let him know that he's actually allowed _and_ welcome to do so.”

Kurt picks up a pillow from the couch, hitting Elliott over the head with it. “That's it. I'm going to leave now and go to find dumber friends. You're so annoying with your damn logic and insight.”

Elliott wrestles the pillow from his hands, hits Kurt back with it lightly across the face. “Good. Go. Leave. I don't like you anyway and I'll have you know that I'll be glad to be rid of the burden of your friendship.”

Kurt growls, picking up another pillow and attacks, and within seconds they're wrestling on the floor next to the coffee table like ten-year olds. Gil chooses that moment to walk back into the room, giving them a long, aggrieved look.

“Should I be worried?” he asks.

Elliott looks up at him, pinned underneath Kurt who is straddling his chest and holding his wrists. “This is not what it looks like. Also, ew, seriously? If I'd ever cheat on you it wouldn't be with this gross stupid dumbass.”

“Hey!” Kurt laughs, purposefully slapping Elliott's shoulder before climbing off him, sitting with his back to the couch. “Like I'd ever even look at you twice, have you _seen_ my guy? Sorry sweetheart, not a chance. I can leave you to sob about that in private if you want.”

Gil laughs, nodding at Elliott. “He's right you know? Blaine is a hottie. I'll take him if you and Kurt want to start a secret affair behind our backs.”

Kurt glares up at him, putting on his best threatening face. “Don't you fucking dare, Gil Gilbert,” he tells him. “You stay away from my Blaine. That ass is mine. _Mine_ , do you hear me?”

Gil shakes his head sadly, shrugging his shoulders. “Looks like we're stuck with each other, Elliott.”

Elliott gets up, sighing dramatically as he walks over to him to kiss his cheek. “Oh no. Whatever are we going to do? I guess we'll have to learn to live with it.”

Kurt hugs both of them long and hard before he leaves that night. He misses Blaine terribly now that they're both so busy. But having friends like these two makes everything easier. Everything.

**

He wakes up when the bed dips next to him and blinks his eyes open, barely making out Blaine's shape climbing under the covers next to him.

“Hey,” Kurt mumbles sleepily, brain not quite caught up to being awake.

“Hey yourself,” Blaine says softly, sliding down until his head touches the pillow.

Kurt rolls into him, throwing a leg over both of Blaine's, pulling him into a half-hug and nuzzling his face against the soft fabric of his sleep shirt. He smells faintly of cigarettes and sweat, and he's warm and solid and comforting next to him. “Missed you.”

Blaine's arms wrap around him securely, chest rumbling a little as he laughs. “You're so adorable when you're sleepy.”

“Mmm, sleep,” Kurt comments, already feeling his eyes drift closed again, feels himself drifting off again, unable to stay awake any longer. “Sleep is better with you here,” he says, tiredly, snuggling up closer to his soft, warm, wonderful Blaine who is seriously the best ever at sleepy cuddles.

If Blaine responds, he doesn't hear it, just feels gentle fingers caressing his shoulder, feels the comforting warmth of kisses against his forehead. And he goes back to sleep feeling safer and more content than he had all day.


	12. Chapter 11

On the morning of his birthday, Blaine wakes up from a hand in his hair, a mouth sucking kisses into the skin of his neck. It feels awesome.

“Morning,” he mumbles, not even bothering to open his eyes, instead tilts his head to the side to give Kurt better access, feels himself already hardening in his soft sweat pants he wears to sleep.

“You're awake,” Kurt says happily, kissing his way up Blaine's jaw until he reaches his mouth, prying his lips open with his tongue and kissing him deep and hungry and yet gentle enough for Blaine's sleep-muddled brain to send pleasant shivers all through his body. “Happy Birthday!”

Blaine grins up at him, humming contentedly. “I like being woken up like this.”

“I like waking you up like this.”

“Any particular reason for the early wake up call though?” Blaine asks, squinting at their alarm clock. It's just after nine, and usually Kurt likes to sleep in on Saturdays as much as he does.

Kurt grins back at him, nodding enthusiastically. “I couldn't wait to give you your first present of the day,” he says. “It's a birthday blow job! In case you were wondering.”

Blaine laughs, a little breathlessly, cock swelling to full hardness at Kurt's words, and also at Kurt's hand sliding down and rubbing teasingly over his inner thigh, over the fabric of his pants. “What a lovely idea. Get on with it then.”

Kurt pinches his thigh, chuckling. “Impatient.”

“It's my birthday! I'm allowed!”

“You're cute,” Kurt tells him, then throws off the covers and slides downwards until his face is hovering right above Blaine's crotch where his sweatpants are rather impressively tented. “Cute and sort of steaming hot, a very good combination.”

“Right back at you,” Blaine says, lifting his hips a little as Kurt tugs at his pants to free his dick. “And I like how enthusiastic you are about oral sex, I think it's adorable that – _oh_ , ohh, okay, _ahh_ -” he breaks off as Kurt sinks his mouth down over him as far as he can go, swallowing around him several times.

They might be relatively new to sex. But honestly, Kurt is already a fucking expert at giving blow jobs. Blaine curls his fingers into Kurt's hair, hips pinned to the bed by Kurt's strong hands, and writhes underneath him as the pleasure builds so quickly he feels on fire with it.

If Kurt is this good after only a few months of doing it, Blaine is really looking forward to everything the future holds for them.

**

They're lying panting and sweating in a tangle of limbs, and Blaine feels absolutely boneless and still tingling with aftershocks – everything is always that much more sensitive in the morning.

“That was the best way to start a birthday,” he says.

Kurt kisses his chest, nods his head so his cheek is rubbing against Blaine's naked skin. “We should make it a tradition.”

“Sounds good to me. Although now I feel bad that I didn't give you a blow job for your birthday,” Blaine remarks.

“Honey, we'd been dating for two hours on my last birthday,” Kurt reminds him. “It's not like I would have _let_ you give me a blow job.”

Blaine warms a little at the pet name, grins stupidly. “We still had a pretty amazing make out session in your back yard,” he remembers.

“Yeah that was pretty amazing,” Kurt agrees. “And I'll gladly take that offered blow job for my next birthday.”

“You'll get two,” Blaine decides, hugging Kurt closer. “To make up for the last one.”

Kurt laughs, then pokes him in the ribs. “Okay. I think I've recovered enough. Time for part two.”

“But I don't want to get up yet,” Blaine whines, giving Kurt his best impression of a kicked puppy. “It's early and it's my birthday and you know how I always get sleepy after sex.”

Kurt gives him a short peck on the lips, then braces himself against Blaine's chest to push himself upright. “Good thing you have time for another nap then. While I prepare your breakfast in bed.”

Blaine beams up at him. “You're the best husband ever!”

Kurt nods, a playful grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah. I know.”

**

“We never got around to the touristy stuff,” Kurt says, swinging their joined hands between them as they walk through Central Park. “And I know that this would have probably been prettier in summer, but I just thought -”

“I actually think it's really pretty now,” Blaine says, squeezing Kurt's hand. “Fall is my favorite season.”

The smile Kurt gives him is surprised, almost a little shy. “Huh. Mine too. Who would have thought.”

It's amazing, Blaine thinks, how much they can still learn about each other. They've been married for months, they've been in New York for months, they're living together. And yet they're not even done getting to know each other. It's exciting. “This was a great idea, to do this today,” Blaine says. “I love my birthday so far. Thank you!”

Kurt blushes adorably. “I thought that maybe we could make that a tradition too,” he says.

“Walking through Central Park?”

Kurt shakes his head. “Making time for each other on our birthdays. Doing something we wouldn't usually be doing. I mean, we don't have much money now for big presents, and who knows what the future holds in that respect, there's no guarantee that I'll ever be more than a struggling actor getting by with shifts at the diner -”

“Um, yes, there is actually,” Blaine says. “You're incredible, Kurt. If anyone is going to make it, it's you. I'd bet everything I have on it.”

Kurt stops walking to tug Blaine closer, placing a firm, lingering kiss on his lips. “Thank you. I mean it.”

“So do I.”

Kurt lowers his eyes, shakes his head as he bites his lip to hold back the pleased smile spreading across his face. “Anyway,” he says eventually. “I thought this was something we could always promise each other, you know? On our birthdays, we spend time together. Just us. No matter how busy things get otherwise.”

“I like that idea a lot,” Blaine says, lowering his eyes, breathes out slowly before his next words. “I like _you_ a lot.” They don't often address their feelings, it's all still too new, too raw, too fragile. But this is something he believes Kurt should know.

Kurt takes a step closer, gently touching a hand to Blaine's cheek until he raises his head again, meeting his eyes. Kurt looks so happy it takes Blaine's breath away for a second. “I like you a lot too,” Kurt tells him, voice quiet, quivering just a little. “You know that, right?”

“I had a hunch,” Blaine whispers, laughing out loud when Kurt fists both hands in his battered old leather jacket to haul him against his body forcefully, nudging his nose off Blaine's.

“You're adorable.”

“You're hot.”

Kurt grins before he leans in to kiss him, and Blaine lets his head fall back, opens his mouth for Kurt and lets himself be kissed, long and deep and dirty in the middle of Central Park.

It is a really great birthday so far.

**

Kurt keeps texting as they're walking back to the subway, slowing them down a bit, but it gives Blaine a chance to have a proper look at his surroundings. Most of the things he's checked out so far in New York City had been clubs and coffee shops and record stores, usually with Sam, Gil, Sophia and Daisy in tow. He hasn't really had the opportunity to do much else and he likes that Kurt planned this for them today.

Eventually, Kurt slides his phone back into his jacket pocket, reaching for Blaine's hand again. “Sorry about that. I'm done now, I promise.”

“Was that Elliott?” Blaine asks. He has long ago stopped feeling jealous of Kurt and Elliott's relationship – he knows now that they're only friends. He no longer feels threatened by their close friendship. After all, he has sort of the same thing with Sam, just nerdier.

Kurt shrugs, raising an eyebrow at him. “There are some things that birthday boys are not allowed to know about just yet.”

“Ohh, mysterious.” Blaine laughs, bumping their shoulders together. “Fine. I won't ask again.”

“You'll find out soon enough anyway,” Kurt promises.

**

It's just after four by the time they get back to the apartment, and Blaine can't deny that he's definitely curious about what the rest of the day will bring. Kurt is fiddling with his keys in front of their door, suddenly looking nervous.

“What's wrong?” Blaine wants to know.

Kurt shrugs, laughing. “God, nothing, I hope. It's just – I hope you like the surprise I prepared for you. It's a bit – I mean, I think I know you pretty well by now and I thought maybe you would like – I mean, on your birthday of all days -”

“Kurt.” Blaine places a hand on his arms, staring up at him. “I'm sure I'll like it, but I'm kind of really curious now, so open the fucking door, please?”

“Right.” Kurt shakes his head, grins. “Of course. Here goes.”

He opens the door, which Blaine notices hadn't been locked at all, which is a little weird, but then Kurt pushes it all the way open, gesturing to Blaine to step inside first. Blaine is feeling a little nervous now – he just hopes Kurt's surprise isn't that he's had someone paint the walls pink in their absence. He wouldn't put it past him.

But then all thoughts of what could possibly be going on leave his head when he enters their small college dorm apartment and there's his mother standing in the middle of the room, beaming as she sees him, opening her arms for a hug.

“Surprise!” she calls out. “Happy birthday, Blaineybear.”

He sucks in a breath, something stinging behind his eyes, and in just a few steps he's across the room and in his mother's arms like a little kid, letting her hug him tight and sway them from side to side. “Mommy,” he manages, hugging back, and god yes, this is a _wonderful_ birthday present. It may be seriously uncool or whatever, but dammit he's _missed_ her these past few months, so very much.

Eventually, she lets go of him only to take a step back, putting her hands on his shoulders to give him a scrutinizing look. “You look good,” she says. “Not too thin. I was worried about that. And you still haven't learned how to not smudge your eyeliner, I can't believe it.”

“What are you doing here?” Blaine finally asks, grinning so widely it makes his cheeks hurt.

His mom shrugs, waving in the direction of the door. “Kurt set everything up. Called me weeks ago to make plans and even sent this nice young man to pick me up from the airport -”

“Who?” Blaine asks.

“Elliott something or other. Very polite. You've made nice friends here, apparently.”

“Elliott is cool,” Blaine agrees, then turns his head to look over at Kurt who's still standing by the door, looking very pleased with himself. “You did this? And you never said a word?”

Kurt rolls his eyes at him. “Not giving anything away is kind of the whole point of a surprise, Blaine.”

Blaine smiles at him, feels his heart hammering in his chest, warmth flooding him as he meets Kurt's eyes. “Thank you,” he says, entirely serious. “Really. Thank you, Kurt.”

Kurt lowers his eyes, that shy little smile flickering across his face again. “I thought it might be a good surprise.”

Blaine grins back at his mom, feeling – safe, cared for, more at home than he has been feeling in a long time. “It is,” he says. “Best birthday ever!”

**

Kurt gives them some time to catch up, says he has some last minute errands to run anyway. Blaine sees him to the door while his mom busies herself making coffee in their kitchen – they still haven't bought the fancy coffee maker Kurt wants, but they have a fairly decent model that makes entirely acceptable coffee.

“I can't believe you invited my mom,” Blaine tells him, stepping out into the hallway with him for a minute.

Kurt lifts his shoulders, taking Blaine's hands in his own. “I wanted to make you happy,” he says. “And I know you miss her.”

Blaine lets himself fall forward, resting his face against Kurt's shoulder. He's feeling too much to respond right away. “You don't have to leave, though,” he says eventually. “I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you stayed and had coffee with us, she likes you. And I certainly wouldn't mind,” he adds quietly.

Kurt cards his fingers through Blaine's hair, tugs at his still short curls until Blaine lifts his head to look at him. “I really do have some things to take care of,” he says. “I'll be back in an hour or so. So go hang out with your mother, and we'll proceed with part five of your birthday as soon as I get back, okay?”

“You're amazing,” Blaine informs him. “I don't know if I say it enough. I mean, I'm not really good with – you know. Words and shit. But you really are awesome, Kurt. I hope you know that.”

“Mmm, yes, I'm well aware,” Kurt jokes, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to Blaine's lips, before giving him a playful slap on the ass. “Now go back inside. I'll see you in a bit.”

Blaine kisses him one more time before walking back into their apartment, joining his mom in the kitchen where she's setting out cupcakes on a plate.

“You brought cupcakes?” Blaine asks eagerly.

She huffs at him. “Of course I did!”

“Home-made?”

“Is there any other kind?”

“You are the best mom in the history of moms,” he tells her.

“I have wonderful sons,” she responds. “That makes it sort of easy. Oh, and your dad really wanted to be here too, but he just couldn't get any time off work. He was very sad about that, so you should be expecting a lengthy phone call later today, as soon as he gets home.”

“That's okay,” Blaine says. “I didn't expect either of you to show up, actually.”

“Well, you definitely have your Kurt to thank for that,” she says, grinning. “I would have been too afraid to be intruding, but he was quite adamant about this being a good idea. Even offered to chip in for plane tickets.”

“He did?” Blaine asks, chest swelling as tears prickle behind his eyes again; he doesn't even know why all of this makes him so damn emotional.

“He cares about you a lot, Blaine,” she says. “It's very obvious.”

Blaine just nods, and can't speak for a moment.

**

Part five of Blaine's epic birthday extravaganza turns out to be a surprise party – Daisy and Leo have volunteered their apartment which is one of the bigger ones on campus thanks to Leo's numerous science scholarships. Even Blaine's mom joins them for a while and makes friends with Sophia and Gil within minutes, sitting and talking with them in a corner while the party goes on around them – relatively tame due to the adult supervision.

It's a little after nine when she finally gets up, hands Gil her empty paper cup, and walks over to Blaine. “I'm gonna leave you to it now,” she says. “I know there are probably things planned that cannot happen as long as I'm here and I don't even want to know, so don't say a word. But I'll be here two more days, I thought we could explore the city together a bit if you'd like. I haven't been in New York since I was about twenty. I'm eager to have a look around.”

“I'd love that. Yes.” Blaine hugs her, walks her to the door. “Do you need help getting to the hotel? I could -”

“Already taken care of,” Kurt says, pressing the end-call button on his phone. “I've called a cab for you,” he says to Blaine's mom. “It's gonna be right outside the main entrance, do you want me to walk you there?”

“Oh no, you boys have fun,” she insists. “I can find my own way.”

She hugs Kurt, then Blaine, ruffling his hair as she pulls back. “I love you, you weirdo,” she tells him.

Blaine laughs, shaking his head at her. “Love you too, mom.”

**

The party definitely gets louder once Blaine's mom has left, and someone has even managed to purchase beer, and Blaine spends the entire night surrounded by this awesome new family he has found in this city – Sam, his best buddy, one of the funniest guys he has ever met. Mercedes, who sometimes scares him a little, but who is bursting with talent and Blaine is so glad to be able to call her a friend. Elliott who he's warmed up to considerably, Gil who is seriously awesome and who sometimes almost makes Blaine believe that being a wife can be okay, seeing how well-adjusted and yet badass Gil is about the whole fucked up situation. Daisy, who is a constant source of joy and sunshine in his life, Leo who is seriously cute in a dorky way, and Sophia whom he loves dearly and thinks of almost as a sister.

And at the center of everything: Kurt, always Kurt, strong and warm and determinedly affectionate in a way Blaine has never encountered before in anyone else. Kurt, who is the best friend he's ever had. Kurt who cares about him, for some reason Blaine hasn't been able to figure out yet. All he knows is that he's lucky. Really, incredibly lucky.

Kurt smiles at him across the room, setting down his cup and opening his arms for Blaine when he catches him staring, beckoning him closer as a new song starts and his hips start swaying with the beat.

And Blaine crosses the room in a few quick strides, slips into his husband's waiting arms, and lets the music and the rising and falling chatter of their friends wash over them as the beating of their hearts against each other's chests guides them into their own rhythm.


	13. Chapter 12

On Sunday, Blaine's mom cooks for the two of them and they all go sightseeing together. Kurt can't stop watching Blaine, feels the smile tugging at corners of his mouth every time he sees Blaine laughing and beaming with happiness. Blaine is such a family person, even if he'd probably never identify himself as such. But it makes Kurt happy to see him happy.

He gets a chance to talk with Blaine's mom in private for a bit when they're sitting in the small café just a few blocks from campus, Blaine having gone to the bathroom after his third cup of coffee.

“How is he doing?” she asks. “I mean, really. He seems happy enough. I guess I just can't help worrying about him.”

Kurt nods slowly. “I understand. But – I think he's really doing okay. I know none of this is easy for him, but he's making the most of it. He's told you about his band, hasn't he?”

She grins. “He talks about it all the time when we talk on the phone. I'm glad he has that.”

“I am too,” Kurt promises.

“I know I've said it before,” she says, “But let me just say it again. I'm eternally grateful that you two got each other. Not everyone sees things the way you do. I'd hate for him to be trapped in the kitchen his entire life.”

Kurt looks down at the surface of the battered Formica table top, tracing the outlines of a coffee stain with the index finger of one hand. “Our government – and the world, really – places such a high value on family,” he starts. “It has never set quite right with me that we strip fifty percent of the population of their rights, just so that they can create a pleasant home for the other half. I think if we placed more value on happiness and – and love, instead of what basically equals slavery, we'd actually have stronger families.”

“And a lot of people who'd have no family at all,” Blaine's mom points out. “Kids whose parents are both working. Divorce left and right. Promiscuity.”

Kurt lifts his shoulders, shaking his head. “We've covered all of that in history. It never sounded as chaotic to me as our teachers were trying to make it sound. And somehow our culture classes never discussed the downside to the system. Every abolitionist or Freedom of Choice movement gets labeled as destructive or rebellious from the start, I feel like – we never really hear them out.” Kurt doesn’t say it, he doesn't know Blaine's mom that well yet, but he’s thinking of Sophia, and whether she will be trapped in a less than suitable – maybe even abusive – marriage for the rest of her life. That can’t be good for any future children, either.

“You value choice above stability?” Blaine's mom asks.

Kurt meets her eyes. “I believe that without choice there can be no stability.”

She smiles at him, a pleased, almost proud smile on her face. “You're a good guy, Kurt. I knew that before today, of course. But the more I get to know you, the more I'm convinced that my Blaine couldn't have been luckier.”

“He could have been a husband.”

“Yes, there's that,” she says. “But I still think you two are good for each other.”

**

Kurt has to go back to class on Monday, and Blaine spends the entire day with his mom, mostly just walking aimlessly around New York City and talking more than they've been able to over the phone these past few months.

“Do you think you'll be taking any classes next year?” she asks as they're strolling through a cute little park near campus, passing a playground. “Some of them could be quite useful and if any of them cost extra, your dad and I are absolutely prepared to pay for them.”

Blaine snorts. “I'm not interesting in knitting classes,” he spits, annoyed that his mom even brought it up when he was having such a nice time.

“I'm not saying you need to learn how to knit sweaters,” she says. “But Blaine, you do have an opportunity here. Maybe at least think about something like managing finances. Or healthy cooking. Or something that's actually fun for you! There must be something you want to be doing.”

“I want to make music,” Blaine says, stubborn.

His mom walks next to him quietly for a few seconds before saying, “I almost don't want to bring this up, but you do know that even with Kurt by your side, you will eventually be taking care of a family, right? It's inevitable. I just feel like you should be prepared.”

“Oh for fuck's sake!” Blaine stops in his tracks, throws his hands up in frustration. “Don't start with the lectures, okay? I _know_ that. I know my life is going to suck one day. Can I please have this while I still can? I'll figure the rest out, I fucking _swear_ I will, but can you just let me be happy for now and not constantly remind me that I have no fucking rights at all other than those my husband is willing to grant me?”

She stares at him, wide-eyed and sad. “I don't want to make you angry,” she says. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it, maybe. I just – I thought you might see it's not actually that bad if you try it.”

“You want me to give up my music and put on an apron.”

“No.” She shakes her head emphatically. “I'm glad you have your music. And you'll always have that. No one is going to take that from you, not Kurt and certainly not me. But Blaine, you're acting like having a family is the worst thing in the world.”

“I'll deal with it when I have to.”

“I really don't want to fight with you,” she says. “And I know you can handle it when the time comes. But Blaine, I just want you to know that having a family was the best thing that ever happened to me. You know that, right?”

“Well, we can't all have the same dream,” Blaine says moodily, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Oh, it wasn't my dream,” she says. “Being a wife and a mom was never my dream at all! When I was young, all girls became wives, I knew I didn't have a choice since I was little.” She sighs. “But my grandma had this book in her study. It had been published back when she was a little girl, right before they changed the law and the pairings began. It's been out of print for a long time now, but it was a story about a young woman who left her family and moved to the big city to study to become a doctor. I read that book at least fifty times.” She laughs sadly, lowers her eyes. “I wanted to be that young woman. I wanted to be a doctor too. It sounded like a great adventure, being independent and self-sufficient like that. I knew I could never be like her,” she continues. “But I dreamed of it anyway. Of helping more people than my immediate family. To have a greater purpose than cooking dinner and wiping runny noses.”

“So you're saying you settled for us because you had to?” Blaine asks, knowing he's being kind of a jerk, but he's just – angry.

His mom looks shocked as she looks at him. “No!” She takes a step closer, her expression entirely serious. “Blaine, don't even think that for a second. I had other dreams too, but I do love your father very much, and once Cooper was born, and then you – I realized that my purpose in this world was just as great and important as that of the woman in my favorite childhood book.” She reaches out, carefully touching his arm. “You and your brother, you are my greatest accomplishments and I am honored to be your mom. If I could choose today between being that woman in the book or being your mother, I'd choose being your mother every time,” she promises. “You're the most important thing in my life!”

Blaine lowers his eyes, nods shortly. He isn't really sure what to say, anger still sizzling beneath the surface but slowly ebbing away and being replaced by a feeling of sadness. “Okay.”

She pulls him into a quick hug, ruffles his hair as she pulls back. “I love you,” she says. “Very much. Never forget that! And I just want you to be happy. If I'm annoying sometimes, that's just because I care about you and I can't help wanting to fix things for you, even if they're beyond my control. You'll understand once you're a parent yourself. I promise.”

Blaine throws her a shaky smile as they resume their walk.

**

He takes her to the airport that evening and promises to come home for Christmas. That had been his plan anyway.

“Cooper will be there too,” she says. “Just wait until you see Fiona, she's gotten so big!” She laughs. “And just as stubborn as Cooper was as a child. Poor Tori.”

Blaine grins and hugs his mom goodbye. “Give dad a hug for me,” he tells her.

“Of course,” she promises. “And you hug your Kurt for me. I really like him, you know?”

Blaine rolls his eyes at her. “So you keep saying. Maybe you two would have been the better match.”

He waits until she's disappeared through security, then makes his lonely way home. At least Kurt will be back from class by the time he gets home. He doesn't know why, but he feels like he could really use another hug right now.

**

Blaine is moody and withdrawn over the next few days, and Kurt keeps watching him mostly from a distance, growing increasingly worried. But while Blaine is clingy and affectionate one moment, he's suddenly short-tempered and snippy the next, so Kurt lets him come to him, trusting that Blaine will tell him if he needs something.

Also, the semester is slowly coming to an end and his work load is increasing, and sometimes he just can't worry about everything else too.

“Are you coming to our gig this week?” Blaine asks about a week after his mom left, in a random good mood as they have dinner in the dining hall together.

“Thursday, right?” Kurt asks. “I've already planned my week so I won't have to study that night, yes.”

“Thank you,” Blaine says, sounding excited. “I can't really believe it yet, you know? I mean, sure, our time slot sucks and you and everyone else's husbands will probably be the only people there. But it's our first gig! The _Bionic Bird_ is finally ready to fly!” He laughs. “God that was awful.”

“No, that was cute,” Kurt says, grinning. “And I've been looking forward to it since you told me about it. _Pamela Lansbury_ hasn't really reached that point yet, I'm totally jealous you guys got so far so quickly.”

“Well, we didn't have classes to go to and jobs and stuff,” Blaine points out.

“That's true. Still, I'm so proud of you.”

Blaine narrows his eyes at him. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Kurt lifts his head, meeting his eyes, slightly taken aback. “Nothing. What? It just means – I'm happy for you. And I think it's great that you achieved so much already.”

“Then you could have just said that,” Blaine informs him.

Kurt shakes his head. “I thought I did. What's going on?”

Blaine visibly deflates, shrugging. “Nothing. I'm sorry. I'm nervous, I guess.”

Kurt swallows down his irritation, nods. “Okay. I'm sure you'll do great though.”

“Thank you,” Blaine says.

They finish their meal in silence, and Kurt wishes there was an easy way to find out what's going on with Blaine at the moment. Sadly, he's not a mind reader. He'll have to rely on him to let him know whenever he's ready. Whenever that may be.


	14. Chapter 13

“Are you sure about this?” Blaine asks Sam, giving him a questioning look with one hand on the door handle of the small shop.

Sam nods, still looking nervous. “Let's do it.”

“It's not too late to back out!”

“Yes, it is. I want to do this. I talked it over with Mercedes too. If I come home now without one -”

Blaine laughs. “She's not going to judge you.”

“No.” Sam shakes his head. “But I would judge me. And I've always wanted one. I'm not backing out now.”

“Okay,” Blaine agrees, finally pushing the door open. “Let's get this over with.”

He knows they've been lucky to get appointments on relatively short notice – they haven't even waited two weeks. It probably helps that one of the tattoo artists is a close friend of Daisy's, who'd gone with them to set up their appointments.

Blaine feels nerves flutter in his own stomach, but this is something he has been thinking about for a long time. And he finally has the perfect idea of what to get. And a place to get it.

**

The entire week sort of passes in a bit of a blur for Kurt – since he had to clear his Thursday shift at the diner, he has to pick up a shift on Tuesday instead. On top of that, he has a million class projects to work on, band rehearsals to attend, their first gig finally booked just two weeks from now, and his dad keeps calling asking about Thanksgiving and Christmas and Kurt has to do his best to convince him that Thanksgiving is a definite No – it's only a week from now – but he'll still be home for Christmas.

He doesn't see Blaine a lot and he feels bad about it – they haven't even had a date night in a while despite their promise to each other to always keep one night free for each other every week. But their schedules just don't line up anymore and Kurt can't deny the fact that he's just the tiniest bit pissed about that. After all, he has classes and a job and other obligations. Blaine could probably shift his schedule around if he wanted, but apparently it's just not a priority for him anymore. He knows, rationally, that he should talk to him about it. But he's just too busy right now. They'll have to talk some other time.

By the time Thursday rolls around, Kurt feels exhausted, but at least he finally has an evening off to hang out with friends and maybe have a beer and just let go for once. He's been looking forward to it all week.

He hurries home after class, hoping to still catch Blaine in their room to maybe grab a bite together. But Blaine is already gone, repeating the pattern of their last few weeks. Kurt knows he's probably just at the club early to set up their equipment for their short set or just to hang out with his band mates who are no doubt just as nervous as he is.

He feels a short stab of guilt at the reminder that he hadn't been there for Blaine in the days leading up to this. But there's really nothing he could have done about it. It's not like he'd been very happy about his work load either.

Deciding that eating alone is definitely not what he needs tonight, he texts Mercedes and Elliott who agree to meet him in the dining hall in a bit. He has a little time left before he needs to leave again, so he uses it to hop in the shower, washing off the exhaustingly long week, letting the hot water drain the tension from his shoulders at least for a little while.

“I can't believe I'm excited to go to a punk show,” Mercedes says as they all sit down to dinner half an hour later. “But I really kind of am.”

“Because your boy probably looks all kinds of hot up on that stage,” Elliott laughs. “As does Kurt's.”

“You bet he does,” Kurt says. “Honestly, I'm so tired, but I wouldn't miss this for the world!”

“Oh god, you too?” Mercedes sighs. “If anyone had told me that college was going to be so exhausting, I might not have been looking forward to it so much.”

“Tell me about it.” Elliott shakes his head. “Whoever thought up this entire system has obviously never gone through it. Classes and work and a social life – there could be forty-eight hours in a day and it still wouldn't be long enough.”

Kurt nods. “It's just three and a half more years of this, though,” he says, grinning wryly. “Totally manageable right?”

Elliott pats his shoulder across the table. “That's the spirit!”

“Ugh, I hate you both,” Mercedes complains, turning her attention back to her plate full of pasta. “By the way, what have you done with Gil?” she asks.

Elliott shrugs. “He's helping _Bionic Bird_ set up for their gig. I think they've made him an honorary member or something.”

Kurt gasps. “They're planning a hostile takeover of _Pamela Lansbury_! And they've started with Gil!”

Elliott grins. “Let them try.”

**

They aren't the only people in the club, as Blaine had feared. Kurt is pleased to see that the turnout is actually quite good for an early Thursday night – it's not packed by any means, but there's a decent number of people there, hanging out by the bar or loitering close to the stage, waiting for the music to start.

_Bionic Bird_ are the first to play and they're in the middle of their sound check when Kurt, Mercedes and Elliott enter the small, rather filthy-looking club.

Despite having been to a number of shows in similar cubs with Blaine, Kurt still always needs a moment to adjust to his surroundings, walls covered in posters and band stickers and graffiti, people with hair dyed in all colors of the rainbow, piercings in places Kurt didn't even know could be pierced, and some of the most creative tattoos he has ever seen in his life.

He had never expected to like hanging out with these people, but he has to admit that he has developed a certain admiration not only for the way they don't take themselves too seriously, but also the way they take the world they're living in very seriously. And he always feels welcome here, even if he doesn't look like them. He's never the only one either who doesn't fit the pattern – these people obviously do have a dress code, but they don't seem to mind anyone who looks different.

He walks over to the stage with his friends, heart skipping a beat when Blaine looks up from his guitar to smile at him. He smiles back. Blaine does look good up on that stage – his eyeliner is a bit darker today, his hair a bit more messy, and his clothes a bit more battered than what he wears every day. It looks unbelievably sexy and Kurt can't look away – they haven't had time for each other all week and he can't deny that he's seriously affected by the way Blaine looks like a fucking rock star on this small stage in this tiny, filthy club. He just hopes they'll get to celebrate his first gig in private later. God, he needs Blaine after a week of missing each other constantly.

Once their sound check is done, Blaine hops off the stage, practically bouncing over to Kurt to lean up and kiss him softly on the lips. “You made it!”

“I promised I'd be here,” Kurt says. “I'm so excited, you looked awesome up there.”

“Thank you,” Blaine says. “I'm not even nervous anymore, suddenly. I mean, we're prepared. What's gonna happen is gonna happen. Though there are more people here than I thought there would be.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Kurt asks, draping his arms over Blaine's shoulders to keep him from drifting too far away.

Blaine seems to think about it for a second. “I haven't performed in front of so many people in a long, long time,” he says. “So I don't know. I guess it's good.”

“Mmm. I agree.” Kurt leans in to kiss him again, long and lingering. “You'll be great. Everyone is going to love you.”

Blaine's hands on his hips pull him in closer, the smile on Blaine's face teasing and seductive. “Careful. I'll have guys throwing themselves at me from all directions once we really start taking over this city.”

“I'll fight them off with a stick if I have to,” Kurt tells him, nudging their foreheads together. “You already have a guy.”

“Yes, but will he throw himself at me?” Blaine asks, sighing. “It's part of being a rock star, you know? I'm entitled to have that.”

Kurt laughs. “You're so dumb, oh my god. But I'll throw myself at you if I have to.” He hugs him tighter, kisses him again. “I missed you this week.”

“I missed you too,” Blaine answers. “I'm glad you're here tonight.”

“I mean it,” Kurt tells him. “I wouldn't miss it. I have been looking forward to this ever since you told me about it.”

Blaine looks pleased, tightens his grip on Kurt's hips for just a moment. “I need to get some water,” he says finally. “Do you want anything?”

Kurt shakes his head, lets him go. “I'm fine. I'll be here with the others, okay?”

“Okay.” And with another smile, Blaine makes his way over to the small, curtained off backstage area.

**

Their set is short – they've never needed more than twenty minutes to get through it in rehearsals, and they stick to that time during the actual gig too.

It's still the most fun Blaine has ever had; it feels great to be on a stage again and to play songs that he or his friends have written (mostly before they ever formed the band, so there's a certain variety of styles that they'll need to work on combining into a smoother sound for the future).

And it feels good to see people dancing in front of the stage – okay, those people are mostly Kurt, Mercedes, Elliott, Leo and Gil, with a few random strangers in their midst, but still. It does feel good.

They even have a large flag with their new band logo hanging behind them, something Daisy managed to get done through one of her numerous connections last minute. It's a big robot bird with their band name displayed above. It looks awesome. They'll definitely have to get stickers next, they can hand those out at concerts, give people something to take home and stick on their own guitar cases and remember them for the next gig.

Even Sophia, who has been kind of subdued lately, looks radiantly happy as they make their way through their set, ending with _Courage_ , Blaine's new favorite song that he sort of wrote for Kurt but hasn't had the guts to tell him about yet. He doesn't know why it embarrasses him, but it just does. And it's the thought that counts anyway, isn't it?

**

“That was so good,” Kurt practically screams at him once they've cleared the stage and packed up their equipment.

“Thank you, I know,” Blaine screams back, opening his arms as Kurt comes running right at him, throwing is arms around him as he crashes into him with enough force to make them stumble, spinning in a tight circle to stay upright.

“Seriously, that was incredible,” Kurt repeats, face pressed against the side of Blaine's neck. “Oh my god, Blaine, you were _born_ to do this!”

Blaine grins widely, holding onto Kurt as they keep spinning. “It felt really good. I want to do it again!”

“I'm sure you'll get to do it again,” Kurt says, pulling back, looking at him so seriously. “You absolutely have to. People _need_ to hear you.”

Blaine lowers his eyes, feels himself blush. It means so much to him to hear that, and he's not sure how to respond, is not sure that he can.

“We have to stay for the other bands, don't we?” Kurt asks suddenly, voice low and a little desperate.

Blaine looks back up at him, sees something he feels deep down in his gut reflected in Kurt's eyes. “It's a solidarity thing,” Blaine explains. “So yes. At least for a little while.”

“Okay,” Kurt agrees, before he pulls him back into a tight hug. “But once we're home, I'm totally gonna throw myself at you the way I promised. Just so you know.”

Blaine grins happily. “I have no problem with that at all. I feel like a rock star already!”

**

Kurt's lips are on his before the door has even closed behind them, hands tugging at Blaine's slightly sweat-soaked shirt impatiently. “Off,” Kurt whispers against his lips. “Take that _off_.”

“You too,” Blaine breathes back, grateful that Kurt went with a simple t-shirt today as he pulls it up and over his head. He doesn't have the patience for buttons after the excitement of tonight. “Bed, now!”

Kurt makes a sound somewhere between a whine and a growl, steering them sideways toward the bed while simultaneously trying to suck a hickey into Blaine's neck and get his shirt off.

“Wait, wait,” Blaine stops him eventually, grabbing for his shoulders to push him off for just a second. “Not gonna work like that, sorry.” He grabs for the hem of his shirt and tugs it off in one swift motion, tosses it aside carelessly. “There, all done.” He turns back to Kurt, pausing at the wide-eyed, surprised expression on his face as he looks at Blaine's chest. “What is it?”

“When did you get a tattoo?” Kurt asks, sounding – shocked. “Why didn't I know you had a tattoo?”

Blaine feels his eyes widen as he realizes – Kurt hasn't actually seen him naked all week. “I wanted to tell you,” he says. “It was just a few days ago. I haven't – I didn't mean to keep it from you. I wanted to surprise you with it, but then we were both so busy -”

Kurt nods slowly, lifts a hand before looking up at Blaine questioningly. “Can I?” he asks, fingers hovering over the tiny bird on Blaine's side.

“Of course.”

Kurt sucks in a breath, touches his fingers to the tattoo. “Does it still hurt?”

Blaine shakes his head. “Not really.”

“It's a bird.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Why?” Kurt lifts his eyes again, still guarded, obviously hurt that Blaine never told him about this. “Because of the band?”

Blaine sighs. “Partly. Yes. But it means more than that.”

“Your superhero club,” Kurt says, nodding in understanding. “Nightbird.”

“That's another thing,” Blaine says. “But it also reminds me – well, of us. Of you. Of me, with you.”

Kurt shakes his head. “I'm not sure I understand.”

Blaine takes Kurt's hand that's still lingering on his skin, threads their fingers together. “I feel like -” he breaks off, exhaling slowly. He's just not good at saying what he feels, he never has been. But this time, he actually wants to try. “Well, first of all,” he grins. “You're my songbird. Your voice is so awesome, you know that, right?”

“Blaine,” Kurt says, giving him a firm look despite his cute little blush, apparently well aware that this isn't all there is to it.

“Okay, okay,” Blaine says. “It's true though. But really – I mean, I feel like this is – a symbol? For us? This bird. Because – because you could have put me in a cage at any time, Kurt. And as the one who has been labeled 'more powerful' in this relationship by a fucking government agency, you would have been well within your rights to do that.”

“I would never -” Kurt starts, but Blaine holds up his free hand to stop him.

“I know,” he says, quietly. “You let me fly. And – I've feared a cage for so long, I have trouble sometimes really believing that you won't let me end up in one. But I do believe you, you know? When you say we're flying this thing together. I trust you. And that's what this bird means too. I trust you to never put a cage around me. And I promise that in turn I won't fly away.”

Kurt's eyes are shining, lips pressed tightly together as he listens to Blaine, his hand in Blaine's shaking a little. “You'll never stop surprising me, will you?” he asks, voice rough with emotion.

Blaine just smiles at him, nervous after baring his soul like this. Kurt just lets out a shuddering breath, takes his face between his hands, and leans in, kisses him deeply. And Blaine thinks he gets what he's trying to say. He kisses back hard and hungry.

**

Kurt fucks him slow and thorough that night, moving inside of him in a controlled, firm rhythm that is just enough to keep them on the edge, never enough to quite tip them over. It's maddening and breathtaking and so entirely sexy – Blaine clings to him, moves with him, holds him, pants into his skin with the desperation spiraling higher and higher between them, but neither of them ever giving in, instead letting it build higher and higher, slowly driving each other crazy.

Blaine is on his back, Kurt moving on top of him, and he slides his hands across his sweaty back, reveling in the feel of strong muscles shifting under Kurt's smooth skin. He's _aching_ with need, throbbing, the desire to let go tugging at his insides as his skin hums with want.

Kurt is breathing hard on top of him, thighs quivering as he tries to keep his thrusts measured, controlled, not yet ready to let their bodies have what they want.

“You're amazing, Blaine,” he breathes against his shoulder. “God, I want you, I want you so bad -”

“You have me,” Blaine promises, carding his fingers through Kurt's hair. “Don't want anyone else, _fuck_ , you're perfect, so – fucking perfect, _god_ , ahh, _hahh_ -”

Kurt whines low in his throat, pushes himself up a bit to snap his hips forward harder, finally. “Oh fuck, ohh -”

“Yes,” Blaine whimpers. “Harder, oh god, please -”

“Want it – to last -” Kurt protests, fucking in more forcefully regardless, face open with pure desire.

“We can go again,” Blaine moans, lifting his hips off the bed to give Kurt a better angle. “Just please, _please_ , keep fucking me -”

Kurt moans out loud and long and fucking _broken_ -sounding, starts thrusting into him for real, still slow, still controlled, but so overwhelmingly _good_ Blaine cries out as his fingers clench, body straining to come.

Each of his exhales turn into helpless moans, he's shaking and babbling incoherently as everything curls tighter inside, the pressure building so quickly now he can't hold it back anymore, he can't, he can't -

Kurt comes first, pushing in hard and then grinding into him, face scrunched up in pleasure around a quiet gasp. He doesn't seem to stop coming and Blaine clenches around him hard, wanting to make it good for him as his own body gets closer and closer to the edge.

He reaches between them to take his aching cock in hand, gets in a handful of strokes before the world explodes in a shockwave of bliss, eyes squeezing shut and body coming off the bed with the force of his orgasm.

**

“I do love that tattoo,” Kurt tells him later, cuddled up close to him with the covers still off. “I mean, it was a bit of a shock. But I really do love it.”

“I really meant to tell you about it,” Blaine says, arms firmly around Kurt. “I just -”

“You wanted to surprise me,” Kurt says and Blaine can hear the smile in his voice.

“Yeah.”

“I'll have to get used to your kind of surprise,” Kurt explains. “That doesn't mean I don't like them. It's so – you.”

“And that's a good thing?” Blaine wants to know.

Kurt lifts his head, brushes a sweaty curl from Blaine's forehead. “Anything to do with you is always a good thing,” Kurt says. “I want you to know that.”

Blaine smiles into their kiss, feeling too much to respond with words.


	15. Chapter 14

Blaine gets horribly bored toward the end of the semester – Kurt hardly has the time to eat or sleep in between finals and work and his own band's first gig, which is at a college party and even though the crowd there is not Blaine's usual scene, he still has a surprisingly good time, which could have something to do with the fact that Kurt's voice never fails to make his knees weak and the way he looks almost unfairly hot up on stage is a definite bonus too.

Shortly afterwards, his friends take turns getting horrible colds, which at least gives Blaine the opportunity to bring them soup and hang out to watch movies until they start feeling better.

Other than that, he doesn't have much to do; Sam hovers by Mercedes' side as if trying to anticipate what she needs from him at any given moment, and even Gil and Daisy apparently have to hold their husband's hands and clean up after them as the semester draws to a close.

Blaine feels sorry for Kurt because he's so stressed and of course he offers relief where he can – he takes care of the food situation and he offers backrubs and stress-relieving blow jobs and even cleans the shower and the toilet a few more times than he himself thinks is strictly necessary. But he honestly doesn't see how these little things are a full time job in any way. So he reads a lot and plays his guitar and hangs out with Sophia whenever Caleb doesn't need her, which seems to happen in waves – he either needs her to wait on him hand and foot or he just forgets she exists. Both are not ideal situations, but she still doesn't want to talk about it and Blaine is at a loss about what to do. So he just hangs out with her, and even though he knows that that isn't enough, he hopes it's at least a start.

He's glad when the semester is finally over, and he supposes Kurt is too from the way he just stumbles across the room coming home after his last final and faceplants into the bed.

“You okay?” Blaine asks, amused, looking up from _The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry_ to grin over at him.

“Mmmph,” Kurt replies eloquently.

“Do you need anything?”

Kurt turns his head to the side, looking utterly miserable. “Sleep.”

Blaine laughs. “Well, go to sleep then.”

Kurt pushes himself up reluctantly. “Can't. Have to pack. We leave for Ohio tomorrow, remember?”

Blaine nods. “I know. I was just gonna pack tomorrow morning.”

Kurt gives him a look. “And risk forgetting everything? Have you even made a packing list yet?”

Blaine frowns. “Why would I make a list for packing a suitcase? Toothbrush, clothes, books, Christmas presents for the family. There. Done.”

“Seriously?” Kurt asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

And Blaine's relatively good mood about the end of the semester and their impending trip home plummets. “I don't know what you want from me. This is how I've done my packing since I was five.”

“You did your own packing when you were five?”

Blaine shrugs angrily. “You know what I mean.”

“I know that I didn't mean to offend you,” Kurt says, like he's the one being wronged here. “Why do you always have to be like this?”

“Like what?” Blaine almost yells back. “God! You know what I'm like by now, why do you always have to make me feel so – so -”

“So what?” Kurt asks, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“So fucking inadequate,” Blaine spits. “Like everything I do is wrong.”

“I wasn't aware I was doing that,” Kurt bites back. “Are you sure you're not projecting your own insecurities onto me? Because that wouldn't be entirely fair.”

“Since when are you my fucking therapist?” Blaine hisses. “Get off your fucking high horse. You're not perfect either.”

“I never said I was,” Kurt says, sounding hurt, watching as Blaine jumps up and strides towards the door. “Where are you going?”

Blaine yanks his jacket from the hook by the door, angrily shoving his arms inside. “Out,” he says shortly. “I need some air.”

“What the fuck is even _wrong_ with you?” Kurt yells after him. “Can you at least tell me what I did?”

Blaine slams the door behind himself without answering, stomps off in the direction of – wherever. Just away from here.

**

He calms down quickly once he's outside, feeling ashamed and suddenly very tired. He knows, rationally, that Kurt hadn't tried to make him feel bad and hadn't meant anything by criticizing his packing habits – god, what a stupid thing to fight about in the first place, Blaine thinks. But honestly, he's just – angry; he's angry because the past few weeks have _sucked_ and his friends have canceled several band rehearsals as if they don't matter at all and Kurt has been so busy and has just never _been_ there. Blaine _hates_ feeling lonely. He wonders why. He'd been used to it for so long, and now after a few months of having friends he already acts like he's entitled to having people spend time with him whenever he wants. He should be grateful he found people to hang out with at all. He might be doing better, but he's still just … Blaine. He'll always be just Blaine.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he doesn't even remember taking it with him, he must have left it in his jacket after picking up some sparkling cider earlier to toast the end of Kurt's first semester. Fuck, he thinks, just fucking fuck it all. He'd tried to be nice. To have a nice evening with his husband. Instead, they screwed everything up _again_ and now he's freezing his ass off standing on the edge of the quad, debating what to do next.

In lieu of something better to do, he fishes his phone out of his pocket and unlocks the screen. He has three new messages, all of them from Kurt.

**From Kurt, 5:21pm**   
_If it was something I said I'm truly sorry, just please come back so we can talk about it?_

**From Kurt, 5:37pm**   
_Did you put sparkling cider and cake in the fridge??_

**From Kurt, 5:39pm**   
_Blaine please come home, I hate fighting with you, I wasn't criticizing you, I promise! You know I'm kind of a bitch sometimes, please come back so I can apologize!_

Blaine sighs, lowering his phone. He doesn't want an apology from Kurt. Kurt did nothing wrong, not really. They both fucked up. He's not sure he's entirely ready, but he knows he needs to go back anyway.

He walks slowly, mentally preparing himself for what he's going to say. It's just that he can't always control these random bursts of temper, and he's talked about strategies in therapy, but the thing is just that there's no way to anticipate them. When it comes down to it, it's just been a long few weeks. Which is no excuse for blowing up at Kurt like that.

Kurt is sitting on the edge of their bed when Blaine enters the room, looking up the second he hears the door. His eyes are red-rimmed and Blaine's heart clenches in his chest.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” Kurt answers, voice steady but low.

Blaine takes a step closer as Kurt gets up, hand itching to reach out and take it all back, to stop being such a fucking dumb little asshole. “Have you been crying?”

Kurt shakes his head, and Blaine knows he's lying. It hurts, knowing he hurt him, and being lied to. But concerning the latter, he thinks he probably doesn't deserve Kurt's vulnerability right now. “It's just been a long day.”

“I'm sorry,” Blaine says.

Kurt shakes his head. “No, I'm sorry!”

“No,” Blaine starts, “I -” But Kurt silences him with a wave of his hand.

“Let's just forget it, okay? Please.”

Blaine doesn't think that's such a good idea, but doesn't say anything, instead nods at Kurt, hoping his smile looks sincere. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” Kurt says, sounding genuinely grateful.

And Blaine genuinely hates himself.

**

They spend the short flight the next day making polite conversation, Blaine asking about his finals and Kurt asking about Blaine's past week in return. It sounds stilted and awkward even to Kurt's own ears, but Blaine still smiles at him when he takes his hand half an hour into the flight, lets Kurt thread their fingers together and hold onto him until they land in Ohio some time later.

And that's something, Kurt thinks – he honestly doesn't know why they always end up here, why there are still so many things between them that are apparently still completely up in the air. He still never knows what the wrong thing to say is. He still prefers to not say anything most of the time, even feeling that Blaine knows he's holding back and resents him for it.

He doesn't know how to fix this.

But their parents are there to pick both of them up; they'll spend Christmas Eve with their families and then have dinner together – everyone, Blaine's and Kurt's family included – on Christmas day. Maybe those few days apart will give them the time they need to figure this out, or that's what Kurt hopes anyway. Maybe they just need some time to miss each other, he thinks, even though his gut tells him that that's not the case at all. Not when he already misses Blaine most of the time, even when they're living together.

Still, Blaine kisses him before they part, so sweetly it makes Kurt's toes curl in his expensive shoes. And the hug Blaine gives him is long and tight, his smile full of longing and affection.

“I'll call you tonight,” Kurt tries, mood lifting when Blaine beams at him.

“Okay. I don't know if I can fall asleep without you anymore, actually.”

Kurt kisses him again, and god he feels _desperate_ for him. He just can't figure out what their problem is; they obviously like each other well enough most of the time.

**

It takes some time before anyone is even able to get in the car – first Burt hugs Kurt for a long time, then Carole has to hug him hello, then Finn wants his turn too (and despite the fact that he's only eleven, he's almost as tall as Kurt already), and then Burt pulls him back into another hug. By that point, Kurt is laughing loudly, all of his worries as good as forgotten in the face of his family's enthusiasm at seeing him again.

The drive to Lima is long and loud, filled with questions about New York and college and Blaine and his friends, and even though he's told them everything there is to tell over the phone countless times, they apparently want to hear it all again in person. The entire car ride is nothing but four people talking all at once and still hearing each other. Kurt loves his family. A lot.

The house in Lima is still just as he remembers it – small and cozy and at this time of year smelling of cookies and tea and the earthy scent of the Christmas tree that his dad and Finn had picked up earlier that week.

Kurt takes his things up to his old room, sends off a quick text to Blaine to let him know he arrived safely, sits on his bed until he gets a response assuring him that Blaine is home too and about to have a late lunch with his parents and Cooper's family who are already there.

Lunch at his own house is already prepared by the time Kurt makes it back downstairs, and the rest of the day passes in a blur of anecdotes, food, coffee, a snowball fight with his little brother in the back yard and a long walk with Carole to pick up a few forgotten groceries and catch up on gossip.

It's late when Kurt finally finds another minute to himself, sitting in the living room of his childhood home, listening to the sounds of his family preparing for bed – water running, doors opening and closing, Finn's cries of protest when Carole turns off the light in his room for the second time.

“Hey kiddo.”

He startles at the sound of his dad's voice, turns in his seat on the couch to look at the door where his father has reappeared suddenly. “Dad. Hey.”

“Not tired yet?” Burt asks, crossing the room to sink into his old battered armchair.

Kurt shrugs. “Guess not. It's been – I have trouble adjusting back to a normal sleep schedule after the stress of finals,” he says.

Burt gives him a long look. “What's wrong? Honestly. Something's going on. Wanna talk about it?”

Kurt sighs, dropping his head into his hands. “You can't be oblivious just this once?” he jokes.

His father shakes his head at him. “Nope. Afraid not.”

“Dammit.”

“I'm guessing it's not school related since you've been telling me basically everything about that,” Burt says. “I mean, I feel like I actually went to class with you.”

“No, school is fine,” Kurt assures him. “Great, even. It's just all a bit much, with work on top if it and everything, but I really like it.”

His dad is quiet for a minute, then asks, almost matter-of-factly, “How's Blaine?”

Kurt looks up at him, pleading. “Can we talk about it tomorrow? I promise, I want to talk to you about it, dad. I'm just – really exhausted.”

“Whatever you need.” Burt reaches forward to put a hand on his shoulder. “You're okay, though, right?”

Kurt attempts a smile, pretty sure it looks genuine enough. “Yeah, dad. It's nothing bad. It's just – Everything's fine.”

Burt doesn't look convinced, but lets it go for now. “Do you want to go to bed? If you're not too tired yet I wouldn't say no to some of that warm milk you always used to make and just a little father-son talk. I haven't seen you in months and I missed you a lot.”

Kurt nods, smile turning real. “I'd love that.”

He follows his dad into the kitchen where he starts looking for the saucepan immediately, and yes, it definitely feels good to be home. Maybe this really is just what he needs for a few days. And then everything will be okay.


	16. Chapter 15

Kurt keeps his promise to call that night, even though it's almost midnight by the time he does. He probably knows Blaine is still reading anyway.

“Hey,” Blaine answers, carefully closing _Cloud Atlas_ with a finger between the pages.

“Hi.” Kurt sounds tired, the way he always does these days.

“So how's being home?” Blaine tries to start a conversation. He misses just talking to Kurt, but sometimes he doesn't know how to do that anymore.

Kurt is quiet for a little while, a soft rustling audible in the background like he's sliding deeper under the covers. “It's good,” he says. “I've missed them all so much.”

“Yes, me too,” Blaine answers.

“Just – going to sleep alone is a little weird.”

“I know, right? I'd never thought I'd miss your snoring while I'm trying to read.”

“I do not snore!” Kurt complains.

Blaine laughs. “No, okay, not really. You just sort of – snuffle. It's actually adorable.”

“And you cling when you sleep.”

“That's a reflex. If there's something to grab onto, I do.”

“Like a little monkey.”

“Do monkeys do that, actually? Or did you just make that up?”

Kurt thinks about it for a second. “I actually don't know. I might have made it up.”

Blaine grins, sinking down until his head rests on the pillow, putting the book on his nightstand after slipping a bookmark between the pages. “I could actually use some cuddles right now.”

Kurt snorts. “You know, a year ago, if someone had told me that dangerous bad boy Blaine Anderson was secretly a cuddle monster I'd have laughed in their faces.”

“It's classified information,” Blaine informs him. “On a strictly need-to-know basis.”

“And I need to know?”

“You're the provider of cuddles, so yes, that gives you the appropriate level three clearance.”

“I'm honored,” Kurt says.

Blaine presses the phone closer to his ear and smiles. He's missed this, the easy flow of conversation between them. “However, should you at any point decide to divulge that information to a third party, the consequences will be severe!”

“Ohh,” Kurt gasps. “Whatever will you do to me?”

“Challenge you to a pillow fight,” Blaine answers immediately. “Which I will win, of course.”

“I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you,” Kurt tells him. “I didn't want to tell you this, but I have a black belt in pillow fighting.”

“Tickle fight, then,” Blaine suggests.

“Nuh-uh, you can't just change the rules like that!”

“You just don't like being tickled.”

“Not true.”

“Experience points to the contrary. Last time I tried to get you into a tickle fight you kicked me in the stomach.”

“I apologized for that! Profoundly! Also, it was your own fault for sneaking up on me when I was trying to take a nap!”

“Yeah, but if you'd kicked just a little lower it could have had a seriously detrimental effect on our sex life.”

“Well, be glad then that I have excellent aim.”

“And a certain appreciation for my – downstairs area?”

Kurt laughs out loud, a sound that never fails to make Blaine happy. “You're such a _dork_ , oh my god.”

“You love me,” Blaine says, and they both go quiet. Despite everything they've been through, they've never said those words to each other so far – and it's moments like these when Blaine doesn't really know why. He hears Kurt suck in a breath on the other end, obviously preparing for an answer, and suddenly Blaine doesn't want to know what he's going to say, too afraid of hearing it. So he quickly cuts him off, babbling on himself instead. “Anyway, I was talking to mom about Christmas earlier and she wants to know if we should bring anything for dinner, like, dessert, or wine or something.”

Kurt doesn't answer for a moment, but when he does his voice is steady, with just a hint of fatigue in it. “Dessert would be great, actually. Yes.”

“We'll bring cheesecake,” Blaine promises immediately, anything to put the playful happiness back into Kurt's voice.

“My favorite,” Kurt says, warmly.

“I know,” Blaine says. “I know.”

They stay on the phone for another few minutes before Kurt says good night, and Blaine rolls over onto his back, phone still clutched in his hand, stares up at his blank, white ceiling.

Something is off between them. They can ignore it most of the time because they just click so well, they're best friends, they get each other. But something is still not right and he has no idea how to fix it. Fixing it has never been his area of expertise, he's the one who screws things up. But maybe just this once, he has to try anyway. For Kurt.

**

“Coffee?” Burt asks, once again finding Kurt sitting alone in the living room, TV on in the background, but he's not really watching.

Kurt looks up at him, gratefully taking the offered extra mug from his dad's hand. “Thank you. You don't have to keep bringing me stuff, though, you know?” he says. “You'll spoil me. Shouldn't I be taking care of you and Carole now that I'm home for a bit?”

Burt sits down in his usual armchair, grinning his lopsided grin at Kurt. “Because we're getting frail and weak in our old age?”

Kurt laughs. “You know that's not what I meant.”

“You're my son and you've been working your ass off these past few weeks and if I want to bring you a damn cup of coffee, I will. You look tired. I don't like that. Let me spoil you for a while, okay? Do it for me.”

Kurt gives his dad a thankful look, takes a sip from the still hot coffee. “Okay, dad.”

“Are you ready yet to tell me what's been bothering you?`” Burt asks carefully, leaning back in his chair, cradling his own mug to his chest.

Kurt shrugs. “It's probably silly.”

“If it makes you walk around like someone ran over your dog, it probably isn't.” Burt sighs. “You don't have to tell me, I just want you to know that I'm here. I might not have any advice for you, depending on what it is, but sometimes talking helps too, you know?”

Kurt nods. “I know.” He takes a breath, stalls a bit by taking another sip of coffee. “On the morning of my wedding,” he finally begins, “You said to me that combining two lives is never easy, but that it can be worth it.”

Burt makes an affirmative noise. “That sounds like something I would say.”

“When does it start getting easier?” Kurt asks, unable to keep the sadness from his voice completely.

“You and Blaine having problems?”

Kurt shakes his head. “That's just the thing. We're not. Not really. Everything's great, until – until it suddenly isn't. And I don't know what to do.”

“Have you talked to him about this?”

“He keeps avoiding me,” Kurt says. “He's been doing it for months now. We rarely have lunch together anymore. He keeps canceling our date nights. And I have no idea why.”

“You seemed fine at the airport yesterday,” Burt points out, and Kurt sighs.

“Yeah. Whenever we do spend time together, it's so easy. We get along so well. And I really lo- I really like him, dad. You know that.”

His father gives him a long look, as if he knows what Kurt was really going to say. “Listen, kid,” he says, leaning forward in his chair. “I don't know what's actually going on between the two of you. Only you can figure that out. But I do actually have advice for you in this situation. It's actually pretty simple: You need to talk to Blaine. You need to tell him what you just told me. If you want your relationship to work, buddy, then the two of you gotta be honest with each other.”

Kurt lets himself slump back into the couch. “I don't know how,” he admits quietly.

Burt scratches his head, hums sympathetically. “I know it's not easy,” he says. “But it might give you the answers you're looking for.”

Kurt nods, staring down into his coffee. Being an adult kind of sucks sometimes.

**

On Christmas, Kurt doesn't find an opportunity to ask at first and then forgets about it completely when Blaine drags him upstairs for their gift exchange while their families are talking and laughing downstairs.

Kurt gives Blaine concert tickets and Blaine gives Kurt tickets to an off-Broadway show, and they laugh at their strangely coordinated gift ideas before suddenly finding themselves horizontally on Kurt's childhood bed, Kurt on his back and Blaine hovering above him, making out as if they haven't seen each other in several weeks rather than one and a half days.

Blaine kisses him with a hunger that makes Kurt shiver underneath him, makes him grab onto him to pull him closer, hands roaming and searching, tugging and pulling at each other.

It gets deep and dirty fast, teeth clashing as their tongues meet over and over again, Kurt's lips wet and slippery from Blaine's mouth and Blaine making these desperate little sounds in the back of his throat.

“Want you,” he whispers, as Kurt slides a hand down to squeeze his ass.

“We can't,” Kurt pants, “Everyone's downstairs, they'll miss us, they'll hear -”

“They won't hear,” Blaine promises. “And we can be quick, just – please Kurt, _please_ -” He grinds down against him, and Kurt feels sparks erupt from his groin, tingling their way through his body.

“Oh fuck,” he gasps, bucking up against Blaine, he can't help it, he's been hard since they started kissing. He'll have to take care of this one way or another, and waiting until it goes away may take longer than just – coming. “Okay. Okay.”

“Oh god yes, thank you,” Blaine exhales, grinding down harder, but Kurt stops him with both hands against his hips, already panting.

“Wait, wait -”

“What? No, I want -”

“Not here,” Kurt explains breathlessly. “Squeaky mattress.”

“Then where -”

“Just – oh fuck it,” Kurt hisses, holding onto Blaine and rolling them to the edge of the bed, sliding off until he's sitting on the floor and pulling Blaine with him. “Just here, just like this -” He reaches for Blaine's pants, popping open the first button before Blaine is on top of him, attacking Kurt's pants with a single-minded determination that Kurt has always admired about him.

He lifts his hips as Blaine tugs off his jeans, sits back against the bed while Blaine tugs the tight piece of clothing down his legs and off.

“Come back here,” he complains, grabbing for Blaine, who quickly struggles out of his own pants to reveal his erection that's straining hard against the fabric of his boxer briefs before Kurt can get a hold of him.

“Not naked yet,” Blaine points out, but climbs into Kurt's lap anyway with their sweaters and underwear still on, carding his fingers through his hair as Kurt leans back against the side of the bed with Blaine straddling his hips.

“I don't care,” Kurt says, his own dick throbbing against the material of his own briefs. “Need to kiss you first.” And with that he drags Blaine's head down, shoving his tongue back into his mouth before their lips even meet. God, he feels _hungry_ for him.

Blaine moans into the kiss, sinks his hips down to press their bulges together, and Kurt whines, bringing his hands down to Blaine's ass to press him in closer, seeking friction for his aching cock.

“Fuck, oh _fuck_ ,” Blaine pants, fingers curling against Kurt's shoulders as he starts rolling his hips down hard, helped into a deliciously frantic rhythm by Kurt's squeezing hands on his ass cheeks.

“Like that – _ahh_ – yes -” Kurt moans, already so fucking close, desire and arousal hot in his veins.

“Oh my god, I can't -” Blaine grinds against him harder, open mouth pressing against the side of Kurt's head, hot panting breath against the skin behind his ear. “Shit – _fuck_ -”

“Gotta be quiet,” Kurt whimpers, “oh god, _yes_ -”

Blaine digs his fingers into Kurt's shoulders, rocks and rocks and rocks against him, rubbing their cotton-clad erections together in a way that makes Kurt's toes curl into the carpet.

“I'm -” Blaine breaks off, breathing hard, the rolling movements of his hips getting bigger, more erratic. “Gonna come in my underwear,” he gasps, “Oh fuck Kurt I'm gonna come I can't -”

Kurt presses back against the bed, digs his heels into the carpet of his bedroom floor to thrust up against Blaine, helping them along as good as he can, biting back a loud moan when Blaine tenses in his arms, sinks his teeth into Kurt's sweater to muffle his sounds as he comes.

Kurt grabs his ass harder to keep him rolling his hips just like that for just a moment longer, he's there, he's right _there_...

His mouth falls open around a silent scream as his balls draw up, the tension snapping deep inside, and then his orgasm rushes through him in a quick, hot wave of _good_. Long spurts of come soak into his underwear and probably stain his sweater that he never managed to take off, but he doesn't care, every nerve ending in his body is firing bursts of pleasure from his dick to the fucking tips of his fingers and the roots of his hair and he rides out the waves, holds onto Blaine through the crests of release.

**

“Can I borrow a pair of underwear?” Blaine asks as they're both coming down, Blaine still in his lap and Kurt's hands on his ass.

Kurt laughs, long and happy and relaxed. “Of course.”

“Thank god. That could have been a really uncomfortable Christmas dinner otherwise.”

“We haven't had sneaky, rushed sex on the floor since we moved to New York,” Kurt says thoughtfully. “I didn't remember that it was so -”

“Good?” Blaine suggests.

“Satisfying,” Kurt says.

“Mmm.” Blaine rubs his cheek against Kurt's shoulder before lifting his head, smiling at him. “I have to agree.” He leans forward, kissing him slowly, and Kurt feels his heart rate return to normal. There's still cooling come plastering soaked fabric to his balls, but he can deal with that in a minute.

They jump apart when there's a sharp knock on the door, Carole's voice suddenly too loud and too close. “Hey boys? Dinner's ready in ten minutes, are you coming downstairs?”

Blaine scrambles off of him, reaching for his pants to hold them in front of himself as if that would give anyone the impression he's actually wearing them should they open the door.

Kurt jumps up, wide-eyed, tugging the comforter off the bed to hide behind. “We'll be right there,” he shouts, too loud, too panicked, staring at Blaine helplessly.

Carole, however, just calls back an “Okay,” and then they can hear her footsteps fading down the stairs.

“Oh my god,” Kurt exhales, putting a hand over his chest.

“Yeah,” Blaine agrees, face red with embarrassment and the last traces of orgasm. “That was – close.”

“I mean, not that they don't know that we – um.” Kurt says, motioning between them.

“Still don't want them actually seeing it,” Blaine agrees.

“No.”

“So, underwear?” he reminds Kurt.

“Yes, yes. Sure.”

Kurt quickly walks over to his dresser, grabs a pair he's sure won't be too big for Blaine and tosses it at him.

Blaine catches it, looking back at Kurt, then lowers his eyes, shakes his head with a small smile.

“What?” Kurt asks, an answering smile stealing over his own face.

“Still worth it, right?” Blaine asks, lifting his eyes to Kurt's again, his expression warm, affectionate.

“Yeah,” Kurt breathes. “Yeah, always.”


	17. Chapter 16

They go back to New York for New Year's, spending it with their friends in Gil and Elliott's dorm, drinking beer and dancing and having a good time.

It's the first time in his life that Blaine has someone to kiss at midnight, and the realization overwhelms him – he's already been married to Kurt for months and a year ago they hadn't ever even kissed, let alone exchanged two words with each other. Everything's been happening so quickly.

But when it's time and they're counting down the seconds and Kurt finds him in the midst of their friends, throwing his arms around him with a happy, slightly drunk grin on his face, Blaine has no choice but to laugh. They've had their ups and downs. He knows things aren't perfect yet. But when it comes down to it, he can't imagine being married to anyone else.

“Happy New Year,” Kurt breathes against his lips as the cheering around them stops on the count of midnight, everyone too busy making out with their significant others.

“Happy New Year,” Blaine breathes back, and lets himself be kissed. Kurt's lips are wet and firm against his and Blaine tilts his head back, wraps his arms securely around Kurt's back.

Any new year that starts off like this, he decides, has to be a good one.

**

Blaine meets up with Sophia a few days later – she's had to miss their party because Caleb had insisted on spending the beginning of the new year back in Wisconsin with their families. But she'd texted him the minute she got back to New York, asking him to meet for coffee, and he finds himself hurrying across campus just an hour later, eager to see her. He's missed her over the holidays.

They meet on the edge of campus – they have their own favorite coffee shop two blocks from here as Sophia is always worried about Caleb or one of his friends overhearing her when she's talking to her own friends.

Blaine is excited to see her again, can already see her standing right there by the gate, arms wrapped around herself to protect her from the cold, and he bounces up to her, waving excitedly. “Hey,” he calls.

Her face lights up as she sees him, and she opens her arms for a hug. “Blaine!”

He wraps her in a bear hug, lifting her off the ground enthusiastically for a moment. “You're back! I've missed you!”

“I've missed you too,” she says, and Blaine feels his smile falter as he pulls back and gets a good look at her – she's pale, and there are dark circles under her eyes, and something drawn about her face.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks.

She nods quickly, motions for him to start walking. “I just need a good cup of coffee. And then we can talk. Okay?”

He doesn't like the sound of that, but agrees. Whatever it is, he just hopes he will be able to help her. He doesn't like seeing his friends suffer.

**

Their coffee shop is almost empty at this time of day and they find seats in a booth near the window, no one sitting at the tables around them. Blaine has a feeling that whatever she's going to tell him, it's probably private. He wonders if he's finally going to get some answers to the questions he's had about her and Caleb for a long time. He's not sure if he's ready to hear it.

They order, wait until their drinks are placed before them before she finally opens her mouth, looks at him straight across the table. “I have to quit the band.”

Blaine feels his jaw drop, thoughts of protest immediately starting to swirl around in his head. “No,” is what eventually comes out of his mouth.

“No?” she raises an eyebrow at him.

“I mean, why?” he asks. Whatever he'd been expecting, this had not been on the list of possibilities.

She shrugs. “Caleb,” she says. “He says I'm neglecting my duties. He's probably right.”

“He's probably -” He shakes his head in disbelief. “What _duties_?”

She laughs. “The same duties you have as a wife, Blaine. Including being home and having dinner ready when the husband gets home.”

“He expects that of you?” Blaine asks.

She takes an almost lazy sip of her coffee. “Is that so unreasonable?”

Blaine frowns. “It is, if it interferes with – you know. Your personal freedom. The things that are important to you. I'm sure there are other solutions to this. Like the dining hall. Or sandwiches.”

She sighs. “Look, I know that's the way Kurt handles things with you,” she says. “But Caleb is different, okay? You know that. You keep getting that look on your face every time someone mentions his name, don't think I haven't noticed.”

Blaine feels his heart hammering in his chest, he can't really believe what she's saying. “He wants you to give up something that makes you happy just so he can have a home-cooked meal every night?” he asks.

She leans back in her chair, runs a hand over her face. “Blaine – There's nothing I can do. I'm sorry.”

“Is there anything that I can do?” Blaine asks, desperate. “I don't like this. We could meet at a different time if that's more convenient. Just let me know and I'll talk to the others. I don't want you to quit the band. This isn't right, he can't make you -”

“Oh, but he can,” Sophia says. “And he is. He's the husband. He makes the decisions.”

“Even the ones regarding your personal life?”

“It's his right.”

“That is such bullshit.” Blaine has to work hard to control his voice, feeling angry and helpless in the face of this. “Sophia – please, I want to help, isn't there anything we can do to convince him?”

She shakes her head sadly. “Let's just say that what I want is not really his first priority. And it never will be.”

“You're not his slave!” he exclaims.

She looks resigned. “I might as well be, for the way he treats me.” Her eyes widen, and she gives him a pleading look. “I didn't mean that.”

“I'm your friend,” Blaine insist. “If there is something you need to talk about, please talk to me. I promise I won't tell anyone. I just want to be here for you!”

Her eyes dart around the room and she takes another sip of coffee. “Not here, please,” she begs. “I'll – I'd like to – but not here. Please.”

Blaine nods. “Kurt is out with Elliott. He won't be home for a few hours. And I'll text him to let me know when he's coming back. We can go to my place.”

“Okay,” she agrees, already getting up.

Blaine quickly grabs for his jacket and stumbles after her.

**

She's sitting opposite him on his and Kurt's bed, staring at her hands that are folded in her lap, picking at her pink nail polish as long brown hair keeps falling into her face.

Blaine keeps still, waits patiently for her to say whatever she's been keeping inside for what he thinks has probably been a while.

“We didn't go to the same high school, Caleb and I” she says. “He was in the next district, we had actually never seen each other before we got our assignments. I didn't know him before.”

Blaine waits for her to go on, heart almost breaking at the self-deprecating grin he can just make out on her face.

“I was so excited to meet him,” she says. “My sister who's a year older also got assigned to a stranger and they have the happiest marriage in the world. I wanted exactly what she has. And when I first met Caleb, I thought I had gotten just that.”

She sighs. “He was so sweet to me. He was a gentleman. Taking me out on dates, holding open doors for me, helping me into my coat – that kind of stuff. I was so happy.” She falls silent, her breaths even, controlled.

“And what happened then?” Blaine gently prods, shuffling a little closer on the bed, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch, offer comfort. He's not entirely sure it would be welcome right now.

She lifts her shoulders, as much a defense as a shrug. “We got married,” she says. “And he – changed. From one day to the next.”

“Changed how?” Blaine asks, unable to keep the wariness from his voice.

She looks up at him briefly. “He's never hurt me, if that's what you're worried about,” she promises. “At least – not really.”

“What does that even mean?” Blaine asks. “What does he do to you?”

She shrugs. “It sounds so silly when I say it. It's just – he disregards my feelings. He yells. He criticizes my cleaning, my cooking, the way I dress – and I'm trying so hard, yet nothing is ever good enough. He makes me go to his stupid parties with him, where he gets so disgustingly drunk with his disgusting friends, and I have to be there and smile and be shown off and groped like – like a fucking doll. I need his permission to do absolutely anything, including setting up visits with my own family. Sometimes he leaves for days and I don't know where he is, and when he comes back, he's either completely cold to me, or he's overly sweet and affectionate, which usually just means that he wants to fuck.” She shudders. “I don't know which one is worse.”

Blaine bites his lip, shock sitting like a cold, solid mass in his stomach. “Does he – you said he doesn't hurt you -”

She shakes her head. “He's never forced me to have sex with him,” she says. “Although you might say that the only time I was actually an actively excited participant was on our wedding night.” She folds her arms around herself, trying to make herself smaller.

“And now?” Blaine asks, hoping he's not overstepping. He doesn't want to make her feel like she's not safe with him. “You don't have to tell me, of course,” he adds. “But I'd like to understand. So that I can help.”

She shrugs. “Sometimes he is really sweet to me, you know?” Her mouth twitches, something desperate behind her eyes. “Sometimes it's like – he might be able to love me. And I don't have anyone else.” Her voice cracks, but she quickly recovers. “I always hate myself afterwards. For letting him – for making me believe that I want him. But -”

“Hey, hey, no, it's okay.” Blaine extends a hand towards her, dropping it mid-motion, still not sure how to offer support. “It's okay, you can't -”

“And sometimes saying no is just too difficult,” she says quietly. “So I – let him. He stops when I tell him to. Most of the time. But sometimes I – don't. I can't. And it's not – I mean it's his right, I think it's not that he's trying to hurt me, it's just -” the first sob escapes her throat, and her face falls forward, hiding her tears. “It's not what I wanted,” she says, shaking now. “He doesn't love me. And I'm stuck with him. And none of this is what I wanted.”

Blaine does reach out now, putting a tentative hand on her shoulder as he shuffles closer. “I'm sorry,” he says. “I'm so, so sorry, I had no idea, I'm so sorry -”

She hugs back when he puts his arms around her, holding onto him as if she's drowning. And Blaine suspects she has been, for a while now. He should have tried talking to her sooner.

Right now, all he can do is offer a shoulder to cry on, hugging her as tightly as he dares, hoping to convey comfort and friendship. It is all he has to give.

_I'll keep you safe, you're gonna be okay, I'll never let anyone hurt you_ , he wants to say. But he can't, because it would be a lie. Within their laws, Caleb isn't doing anything he isn't allowed to do, and there is no way to end a marriage unless one of the partners breaks the law.

“Do you know that in some states in Europe, they have divorce?” she whispers roughly into his shoulder. “I wish we lived in Belgium.”

Blaine strokes her hair carefully, feels her still shaking in his arms. “Or in France,” he says. “They don't even have assignments. They just marry whoever they choose. I hear it's chaos over there.”

Sophia sobs again, buries her face against his chest. “I think it sounds wonderful.”

“I'm sure it has its merits,” Blaine agrees. “It does sound better than this.”

“I've thought of running away to France,” she confesses. “Or one of the handful of Asian states without arranged marriages. But I don't have any money.”

“And I'd miss you terribly,” Blaine confesses. “I'd help you get away, though, if I could.”

Sophia nods against his shirt. “I know you would.” She sniffles. “Thank you.”

**

He lets her go reluctantly that night, knowing it'll only make things more difficult for her in the long run if she doesn't.

She hugs him again by the door, tugs at his shirt with a small, shy grin. “Your shirt is kind of wet,” she points out. “I'm sorry for crying on you.”

He shakes his head firmly. “Don't apologize. Whatever you need. And that includes crying on me. Any time. Just let me know.”

“Thanks.” She looks up at him, face turning serious. “Listen – please don't tell anyone what I told you, okay? I mean, you can tell Kurt, obviously. I'd never ask you to hold onto all of this by yourself. But please don't – don't tell the others.”

“I won't even tell Kurt if you don't want me to,” he promises.

“No, that's okay.” She looks determined. “I don't want you keeping secrets too. And we know I'm hardly the only person this happens to. Let's be honest, I have it relatively easy compared to some others.”

Blaine gasps. “Don't say that, please. You deserve so much better than this, don't play this down because others might or might not have it worse.”

She smiles sadly. “But sometimes that's the best way to get through it,” she says, then kisses his cheek before she turns to go.

**

Sophia hasn't been gone ten minutes by the time Kurt gets home, and Blaine can't help himself, just strides across the room to meet him by the door, pinning him to the wall with Kurt's jacket still hanging from one arm and the door only half closed, and kisses him long and hard and deep.

“What was that for?” Kurt asks, as they're coming up for air finally, cheeks pleasantly flushed from both the cold and Blaine's enthusiastic greeting.

Blaine shrugs at him, taking a step back and shoving his hands into his pockets so that Kurt can take his jacket off the rest of the way and put away his shoes. “I just felt like it.”

Kurt grins at him. “Feel free to feel like that more often.”

“It happens quite frequently around you, actually,” Blaine says, pleased at Kurt's radiantly happy smile.

He's always known how lucky he is. But today, he really feels it.

**

He does tell Kurt about Sophia eventually, because she was right, he can't deal with this all on his own.

He is curled up in bed with Kurt that night, lights off, both of them half-naked and kissing and kind of sort of going somewhere with this, except that Blaine's thoughts keep drifting, thinking about what he would do if he just – didn't really want any of this. If he felt trapped instead of aroused in Kurt's arms. If he knew that sex was only ever just sex, that Kurt didn't care about him at all. It's a horrible thought.

“What's going on?” Kurt asks eventually, pulling back far enough to meet Blaine's eyes in the half-light of the room.

Blaine sighs. “I've learned some things today that – I don't really know what to do with. It's – I'm angry,” he confesses. “No, I'm actually really pissed off, and I have no idea what to do about it.”

Kurt runs his fingertips over Blaine's face, a silent gesture of affection and support, and Blaine shivers with it, feels it so deeply after the events of the day. He is so grateful for Kurt sometimes. “Wanna talk about it?”

Blaine bites his lip, thinking about it. The truth is, if he wants to find a way to help Sophia, there's no way that he can do it on his own. “Yes,” he says. “Yes, I do.”

Kurt listens patiently, his beautiful eyes wide and upset, and Blaine cries when he's finished talking, can't hold it in anymore. It's all so fucking cruel and unfair. Kurt cries with him, silently, the expression on his face a mix between anger and shock.

“We have to help her,” he says hoarsely.

“I don't know how,” Blaine points out. “It's this fucked up system; he can just – he can treat her like a _thing_ and no one can say anything unless he hurts her, more than he is doing already. I mean, what kind of a fucking fucked up way to live is that even?”

“There must be a way,” Kurt insists. “I know it. There must be something we can do!”

“I know, but I just can't think of anything,” Blaine confesses.

Kurt holds him tighter, nudges their faces together. “Then we'll keep thinking,” he promises. “We'll find something. Are you sure he isn't violent toward her? I mean, any little thing would be enough, the government comes down hard as hell on domestic violence -”

“I'm pretty sure she would have told me if there was anything,” Blaine says. “She wants to get away from him. If he'd ever done anything -”

Kurt sighs heavily. “I know I should be glad he's never hit her, but -” He shrugs. “This sucks too, that there's nothing we can do. We'll just have to keep thinking.”

Blaine nods. “Okay. And – thank you.”

Kurt blinks at him. “For what?”

Blaine shrugs. “I just felt like saying it.”

“Oh.” Kurt shakes his head. “I haven't done anything. But you're welcome. And Blaine?”

“Yes?”

Kurt exhales, kisses him softly. “You really do have the kindest, most caring heart of anyone I know. She's so lucky to have you as a friend.”

“Even though I'm not much good to her right now.”

“I'm lucky to have you too.”

Blaine is quiet for a moment, then presses another kiss to Kurt's lips. “I've been thinking the same thing about you tonight,” he confesses. “Isn't that fucked up too? That we have to count ourselves lucky because we didn't end up with someone cold and emotionally abusive?”

“Yes, it is,” Kurt says. “But that's not really what I meant.”

“No,” Blaine says, expression softening as he looks into Kurt's eyes. “It's not all I meant either.”


	18. Chapter 17

Over the next few weeks, Kurt gets caught up in the beginning of the new semester and his new classes and more gigs with his band, and Blaine goes back to hanging out with his friends and rehearsing with his own band. They have a few gigs here and there, their time slots getting better and the crowds slightly bigger as _Bionic Bird_ starts making a name for itself in the college punk scene.

They're down a bassist without Sophia, but Blaine is reluctant to replace her and everyone else usually follows his lead.

His and Sam's superhero club actually gets two new members and Blaine finally decides to start up his own book club, because the reading lists of the one already in existence are horrific. He even gets Sam to join when he puts a few comics on the reading list, promises him he only has to show up for those specific sessions.

He's hanging out in the rehearsal room waiting for Sam to jam a bit before their rehearsal that night, when Sophia comes bouncing through the door, cheeks flushed and a wide smile on her face. Blaine immediately puts his guitar down – he hasn't seen her much recently as Caleb does everything to keep her apart from her friends, so beside a few coffee dates and a number of phone calls, they haven't had much contact. It's been eating away at him, but he just didn't know how to change it without making her life any harder.

“Hi,” she says, immediately leaning down to hug him.

“Hi,” Blaine answers, rising from his seat and hugging back hard. “You look happy!”

She pulls back, nods enthusiastically. “Caleb is away for a few weeks,” she says, grinning. “It's a sports thing. Some kind of exchange thing. There were three spots and they picked him, so he'll be in Illinois for the rest of the semester.” She looks thrilled, and Blaine knows it's not because she's proud of her husband.

“And you're staying here?” he asks.

She nods. “He didn't want me with him,” she says, lowers her voice as she adds, “I'm pretty sure he's fucking his advisor. She'll be visiting him regularly and this way there'll be less sneaking around necessary.”

“Soph -” he starts, but she holds a hand up to stop him.

“You know I don't care where he puts his dick,” she says. “I'm just here to ask if you've replaced me yet or if I could rejoin for a few weeks at least?”

He stands up, hugs her tightly again. “As if anyone could ever replace you,” he says. “Rehearsal is in an hour. Go get your stuff.”

“I missed you,” she says, squeezing him before she turns to run and get her things.

Blaine grins after her happily.

**

Kurt is in a bad mood and he knows it, yet he can't seem to shake it off – he's already snapped at Mercedes and Elliott and now he's on his way home, skipping the last class of the day. He has a raging headache and can feel a cold coming on and being sick always makes him a horrible person, he knows that.

So he removes himself from human society for the rest of the day, walks home, takes off his jeans and sweater and crawls into bed in his underwear, wrapping himself tight in a blanket. Within minutes, he's asleep.

He's woken up by the door closing several hours later and blinks into the sudden light of the room as the light switch is flipped. He whines, pulling the sheets over his head.

“Oh, I'm sorry,” Blaine says from the direction of the door. “I didn't know you were sleeping.”

There are steps shuffling closer, then the mattress dips, and someone tugs gently at the covers. “Hey, are you okay?”

Kurt pokes his head out from his safe cocoon, sniffles. The headache is gone, but his throat hurts now and his mouth is too dry, and he's feeling cold. “What time is it?” he croaks pitifully.

“Are you sick?” Blaine touches a hand to his forehead, mouth downturned with worry. “How long have you been home?”

Kurt shrugs a little helplessly. “A while. Don't feel so good.” Every word hurts his throat, and he doesn't want to talk anymore.

Fortunately, Blaine seems to get that, shakes his head at him. “It's okay, don't speak if it hurts. I'll get you some tea, okay? Got to keep you hydrated. I think you have a slight fever too.”

“No,” Kurt whines. “Don't want to be sick.”

Blaine smiles at him, kisses his forehead softly. “Sweetie, I'm sorry to tell you, but it's already too late for that. But don't worry. We'll have you back on your feet in no time.”

**

For the rest of the week, Kurt doesn't do much more than sleep and drink tea, has to insist Blaine leave his side sometimes to meet up with friends or just go and have fun on his own.

“I'm no fun when I'm sick anyway,” he says. “I'll just snap at you sooner or later and you'll hate me.” He pouts.

Blaine ruffles his hair and smiles, looking determinedly stubborn. “I can take it. Don't worry.”

Kurt sighs. “I have to go back to class on Friday at the latest. I absolutely cannot miss stage combat.”

Blaine gives him a firm look. “Kurt, there's absolutely no way I'll let you go to stage combat class two days from now,” he informs him.

Kurt closes his eyes and presses his lips together. That class is important. He'll absolutely go, even if he has to crawl there. “Fine,” he says.

**

By the time Friday rolls around, Kurt somehow gets Blaine out of the dorm in the morning, convincing him it is imperative that he hang out with his band friends who are putting up fliers for their next gig a week from now.

As soon as Blaine is gone, he heaves himself out of bed, shuffles into the shower where he lets the hot water wake him up as much as possible, then gets dressed in his gym clothes, and leaves for class. He's as good as new anyway. Just a little tired still. He has more to lose from missing this class than from attending while he's not at his absolute best.

He manages to struggle through the ninety minutes of class, and while he's certainly not at the top of his game, he's still glad he went. They did end up covering a lot of new things, and with work and everything else in his life, he'd never have been able to catch up on all of this after already missing Tuesday.

Also, the exercise does make him feel a little better at first, his fever has been gone for a whole day now and his nose is still stuffy, but using his limbs for something other than sitting and drinking tea again feels wonderful.

By the time he makes it home, Blaine is back home too, pacing their dorm room, hair in disarray and phone clutched tightly in his hand.

“Hi,” Kurt says, dropping his bag next to the door as he unzips his training hoodie.

Blaine rounds on him, eyes sparkling with anger. “Where were you?” he asks, voice cold.

Kurt takes an involuntary step back. “Whoa. What? In class.”

“And you thought that was a good idea because …?”

Kurt holds up both hands, doesn't understand why Blaine is so angry right now. “Because I feel significantly better and I seriously couldn't miss this one, that's why. Not that that's any of your business,” he adds, knowing that's a bit cruel, but he can't quite stop himself after being attacked like this.

“None of my business. Right.” Blaine closes his eyes, draws in a deep breath. “Right.”

“I don't know why you're so pissed all of a sudden,” Kurt says. “What happened?”

Blaine stares at him again, eyes wide and disbelieving. “You practically shoved me out the door this morning after I took care of you for days so you could sneak out and go hang out with your friends. Despite the fact that you fucking belong in bed, do you have any idea how pale you still look?”

“I'm always pale.” Kurt shrugs. “And I didn't sneak out and I didn't hang out with my friends, I _went to class_! And I didn't make you leave, you're being entirely ridiculous.”

“No.” Blaine shakes his head resolutely, pressing his lips together before he speaks again, and Kurt notices only now that his eyeliner is completely smeared at the corners of his red-rimmed eyes, as if Blaine's been wiping them a lot. “You see, this happens every time. And we're talking about it now. Because I'm sick of it.”

“Have you been crying?” Kurt asks, heart sinking. He never meant to make Blaine cry.

Blaine glares at him. “Like you care.”

“Of course I care!” Kurt exclaims. “What is going on?”

Blaine huffs out a breath. “You never talk to me,” he says.

“We talk all the time,” Kurt disagrees.

“Not about anything important,” Blaine corrects. “I'm just so – You couldn't have just told me that you were going to class today?” he asks, sounding so hurt. “Kurt, why did you feel you had to go behind my back?”

Kurt lifts his shoulders in defeat. “Because I didn't want to fight with you about it.”

“Exactly.” Blaine lowers his eyes, looking as broken as Kurt suddenly feels. “Kurt – why are we so afraid of fighting?”

“Because no one likes it,” Kurt tries. “No one likes to fight with someone they care about.”

Blaine sighs. “But the truth is that instead of fighting like we should have done, you've been pushing me away for a long time,” he says. “I mean, we never hang out anymore, just the two of us. We don't have lunch anymore. We don't have date nights. And when we're both home, we talk about everything that isn't important, and we watch movies, and we fuck. Is that enough for you?”

Kurt gapes at him. “Blaine, I hate to break this to you, but we don't have lunch or date nights anymore because you kept canceling them and I stopped trying after you made it clear it wasn't important to you.”

Blaine groans in frustration. “Maybe you didn't notice,” he says. “But every time we planned our time together? You were always like, _oh, no, that night is fine, I'll just cancel on Elliott_ , and _no I'm sure Mercedes will understand if I can't hang out with her_. I didn't cancel on you.” Blaine's voice breaks a little on his next words. “I set you free.”

Kurt shakes his head firmly. “You don't get to play the martyr here,” he spits. “Do you know how much sleep I lost over this? I thought – god, I don't know what I thought.” He laughs bitterly. “I thought something was wrong. Instead, it's the same fucking thing all over again. You still don't believe me when I say I want to be with you, and frankly, after all this time, I am running out of ideas to convince you.”

“Then maybe save us both some trouble and stop fucking trying,” Blaine suggests, almost yelling now. “Do us both a favor and admit to yourself already that you settled for me.”

Kurt feels his mouth drop open. “Blaine, I didn't -”

“Maybe we both settled,” Blaine cuts him off. “Maybe that's all the choice we ever had.”

“You don't believe that,” Kurt whispers.

Blaine laughs. “What, you suddenly believe in the system?”

“You know that's not what I meant.” Kurt's chest feels too tight, panic battling the anger that still makes his blood run too hot. “I thought we were _friends_.”

Blaine snorts. “Friends. Yeah.”

“Are you saying we aren't?” Kurt asks, and the thought hurts, hurts so bad he can hardly breathe around it.

“No,” Blaine says, suddenly sounding tired. “We are. We are friends. And that's all we'll ever be, right? Might as well admit it.”

“I don't know what you want me to say,” Kurt says, wrapping his arms around himself, as if that can protect him against – this. All of this. “I don't know what you want from me.”

“It doesn't matter,” Blaine says. “Since we're both obviously never going to get what we want.”

“What does that even mean?” Kurt asks, hating himself for the way the tears are audible in his voice; he's not going to cry, not here, not now. Not in front of Blaine.

Blaine deflates visibly, runs a hand through his messy curls. “I don't know.”

“Then where does that leave us?”

Blaine shrugs. “I'll stay with Sam tonight.”

“Don't.”

“They have a comfortable couch.”

“You can't just leave, we need to talk about this,” Kurt says, hands clenched at his sides, god he doesn't know if he's feeling more angry or resigned. “You just said that we don't talk enough. So let's change that.”

Blaine looks at him, and his eyes are definitely wet now. “You told me once that there was no harm in storming out after a fight and that it might be the best thing to clear our heads.”

“I don't even know what this fight was about,” Kurt points out.

Blaine sighs. “I know. And that's why I'm leaving.” He turns to grab his own backpack, quickly going through the drawers to stuff some underwear and socks inside, finally going to the bathroom for his toothbrush.

Kurt keeps standing by the door, watches it all, doesn't know what to say.

Finally, Blaine passes him on his way to the door, looks up at him one more time.

“I don't know what's happening right now,” Kurt whispers helplessly.

Blaine shrugs. “I don't know either. But it seems to keep happening to us, doesn't it?”

Kurt shakes his head. “Not like this.”

“I'm sorry,” Blaine says, and then he's gone, the door shutting firmly behind him.

Kurt makes it over to the bed before his legs start shaking too hard to keep him standing, and he sits heavily on the mattress and just – doesn't even know what to think. He's too shocked, too stunned to even cry right now.

He feels like he should have known that this was coming. But he still doesn't know why. And worse – he has no idea how to fix it.


	19. Chapter 18

Blaine knocks on the door, just two short raps of his knuckles against the wood, before letting himself slump against the wall next to it, backpack sliding off his shoulders and falling to the floor. He feels exhausted.

The door opens to reveal Sam standing there, wearing sweatpants and his hair wet as if he'd just taken a shower. Blaine realizes he himself must be looking as exhausted as he's feeling when Sam's eyes widen immediately as soon as he sees him, expression turning worried. “What's wrong?”

Blaine just shrugs. “Can I stay here tonight?”

Sam looks confused, hesitates for just a second before stepping aside to make room for Blaine. “Sure. Um. Of course. Come on in.”

“Thanks.” Blaine walks past him, dragging his backpack behind himself with the fingers of one hand. “I appreciate it.”

“No problem man,” Sam says, closing the door behind Blaine. “What happened?”

Blaine looks down at the floor, feeling tired, so, so tired … “It's a long story,” he says. “You sure Mercedes is gonna be cool with this?”

Sam walks over to the single counter against the wall where they keep the electric kettle and microwave oven. “She's not back yet,” he says. “But if you really need a place to stay, we're not kicking you out, I promise you that. Just – Blaine, did something happen with Kurt?”

Blaine shakes his head, just once, closes his eyes for a second. “I don't wanna talk about it. Is that okay?”

Sam fills the kettle slowly at the tiny sink, taking a moment to answer. “It's just a bit weird, you showing up here like this. I'm worried about you, dude. But hey, whatever you need. Do you want a cup of coffee or something? I was just gonna make tea.”

Blaine lifts his shoulders a little helplessly. “Sure. Whatever. Tea is fine.”

“Or is this a beer situation? We could go out and grab a drink somewhere. If you. You know. Need to get drunk or whatever.”

Blaine snorts. “Maybe tomorrow?” he says. “I mean, thank you. That sounds awesome. But I'm just – kind of beat. I'd just like to stay in if you don't mind.”

“No, I was gonna spend the evening watching _The Avengers_ anyway. You wanna join? Mercedes is gonna be back really late, she's meeting up with some friends.”

Blaine runs a hand through his hair, shoulders slumping in relief. “That sounds pretty great, actually.”

“Cool,” Sam says. “You can microwave us some popcorn and I'll run out and get more drinks, we're almost out of everything.”

“I don't want to cause any trouble,” Blaine tells him.

Sam rolls his eyes, putting down the kettle and instead grabbing his keys off the counter. “You're not. I'll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” Blaine says, gratefully, watching as Sam leaves the dorm room and pulls the door shut behind himself.

As soon as he's alone, he walks over to the couch, sitting down heavily and dropping his face into his hands, eyes stinging. God, he fucked everything up this time. Everything. He's a bit surprised that it didn't happen sooner, but he's also just – exhausted. And not surprised at all. It was bound to happen eventually.

**

The great thing about a friend like Elliott, Kurt decides, is that he doesn't ask any questions when he's told not to. And that all it takes is a phone call for him to show up at Kurt's dorm with some beer despite the fact that he'd had previous plans tonight.

“Blaine's not here?” he asks just once, looking around curiously.

Kurt just shakes his head, presses his lips together tightly. “Nope.”

Elliott gives him a long look, then uncaps a beer and shoves it into Kurt's hand. “Wanna watch something?”

“Yeah,” Kurt agrees, leading the way over to the TV.

He makes it through an entire episode of something, chugging his first beer and then drinking another one on an empty stomach before he can't take it anymore.

“I think he's gone for good this time,” he says, the words hurting deep in his chest as he forces them out.

“Blaine?” Elliott asks, turning his head to look at him.

Kurt nods, wiping his eyes with the back of one hand. He's not crying, his eyes just sting. “Yup.”

“What happened?”

He shrugs. “I fucked up. I fucked everything up and now he's gone and it's all my fault. I finally drove him away.”

“Kurt,” Elliott says, putting a calming hand on his shoulder. “What happened?”

He sighs. “We had a fight. A really bad one. Because I was a jerk and because we never talk and because I wanted to _avoid_ fighting with him, how funny is that?” He laughs bitterly, opening a third beer and taking some large gulps before letting out a loud burp. “I'm such an idiot.”

“You guys have fought before,” Elliott reminds him. “You always managed to -”

“This was different,” Kurt says. “It was worse. And he left. He just left and I – Oh god, he looked so _hurt_ , Elliott, he looked so – I hate myself. I can't believe I ruined this, I can't believe -”

“Hey,” Elliott interrupts him, rubbing his back while Kurt takes another sip of his beer. “Do you really think it was that bad? I can't really see him just walking away from what you guys have, he loves you -”

“We've never said it,” Kurt says.

“Huh?”

“We never said I love you. I don't even know how he feels about me.”

Elliott is quiet for a minute. “Just – seeing you guys together – I always thought -” he breaks off, squeezing Kurt's shoulder affectionately. “You really do love him, though, don't you?”

Kurt tries to answer, he does, but all that comes out is a sob. He presses the hand that isn't holding his beer to his eyes and lowers his head, but it's no use, he's crying, crying harder than he has in a long time.

Elliott hugs him and Kurt just sinks sideways against his chest, hardly feeling the contact at all. It's not the chest he wants under his cheek, not the arms he needs around his shoulder. He's grateful for Elliott, but he's not who he needs right now, there's only one person in this world by whom he wants to be held right now. And he pretty much ruined all chances of that ever happening ever again.

**

Kurt wakes up on the couch, never having made it to the bed after finishing off his last beer last night. Mercedes is crouched down in front of him, carding her fingers through his hair gently.

“Waddaya doing here?” he mumbles, wiping his mouth with one hand. His tongue feels too big and his head is throbbing, and he has a taste in his mouth as if he's been chewing paper.

“Elliott called in reinforcements,” she explains, smiling. “How are you feeling?”

He groans, pressing his hands to his rolling stomach. “I wanna die.”

“You drank your body weight in beer last night,” Elliott speaks up, coming into view over the foot of the couch and poking Kurt's leg. “Go shower, you smell like a brewery. I'll get us breakfast.”

Kurt squeezes his eyes shut, hoping the room will stop spinning enough for him to get up.

**

By the time he gets back from his shower, Mercedes has been kind enough to dispose of the empty beer bottles scattered around the room and has opened a window to let out the stale air. He could hug her if he wasn't still a little afraid of throwing up all over her. “You're wonderful,” he says instead.

She takes his hand, pulls him over to the couch to sit down with him. “You still look awful.”

“I don't feel so good.”

“What happened?”

Kurt shrugs. “What did Blaine tell you? He's staying with you guys, right?”

Mercedes nods. “He is. But he didn't tell me anything. I don't know what he said to Sam before I got home last night, but once I got back the two were playing video games rather aggressively and then Blaine fell asleep before midnight.”

Kurt swallows, looking at his hand that's tightly clutching Mercedes'. “How is he?”

She sighs. “Not good, Kurt. Whatever happened between you two – he's really sad. I've never seen him like this. He seemed – exhausted.”

“It's all my fault.”

“Are you sure about that?” She tilts her head at him. “I'm not saying this because I love you and will beat up anyone who hurts you. But in my experience, a fight this big usually involves two people.”

“I know.” Kurt nods, leaning sideways to rest his head on her shoulder. “It's like – I kept pushing him away. And he kept pushing me away. And then everything just – snapped. But that happened because I was being stubborn and stupid and inconsiderate of his feelings.”

“I don't know if this is too radical of an idea,” Mercedes says softly, kissing his hair, and he can hear the smile in her voice. “But have you thought of apologizing to each other?”

Kurt closes his eyes, snuggles in closer. “I don't know if an apology is enough this time. What if it's more complicated than that?”

“In that case,” Mercedes says, “We shouldn't make reconciliation plans for the two of you until after breakfast. I wonder where Elliott is with the bagels - ?”

**

Mercedes is gone when Blaine wakes up and he opens his eyes to Sam sitting cross-legged on the coffee table in front of him, poking his ribs. “Wake up. Blaine! Wake up! Hey! Are you awake yet?”

“I hate you,” Blaine grumbles, batting Sam's hand away and burrowing deeper under the woolen blanket they'd given him to sleep. “What time is it?”

“I'm not sure,” Sam says. “But I'm hungry, so I'd say breakfast time.”

“No dining hall,” Blaine protests, squinting one eye open to fix Sam with a determined stare. “I don't feel like company.”

“Fine.” Sam sighs, bending over backwards at a precarious looking angle to fish his phone from the floor. “Plan B, then.”

Plan B turns out to be Sam texting the entire band plus Gil to come over and bring breakfast, so they end up sitting around the small coffee table that almost bends under the weight of coffee, bagels, donuts, waffles, and toast.

Blaine is not sure he really wants all of them to know about his marital problems, but then they'd have figured it out sooner or later anyway, and they're his friends, they care. And even Sophia is there, since Caleb is still away, and he feels happy to see her. So he forces down a donut and a cup of coffee, and then finally gives in and tells them what happened.

Everyone is silent once he's finished, not sure how to react. Leo and Daisy are holding hands awkwardly under the table, Sam, who had already known the story, fiddles with his coffee cup, Gil frowns thoughtfully. And Sophia, after a moment's consideration, scoots closer to Blaine, wraps her arms around his torso, and cuddles up close to him.

He hugs her back, like a security blanket, feeling just a little more grounded immediately.

“What can we do to help?” Gil asks eventually. “I know Elliott is already over at Kurt's this morning, I can text him and make him gather intel so we know how Kurt is feeling about all of this.”

“I don't know if there's anything to be done,” Blaine admits. “Maybe we're just – not really compatible.”

Sophia tightens her arms around him and lets out a snort.

Daisy and Leo grin at each other. 

Gil rolls his eyes. “Don't be silly,” he says.

Sam shakes his head emphatically. “Dude,” is all he says.

Blaine sighs. “Then why is it so difficult?”

Daisy shrugs. “No one ever said that true love was easy.”

“She tried to burn my Next Generation DVDs,” Leo says, looking accusatory.

Daisy pats his hair. “Riker is a chauvinistic asshole and honestly, LaForge isn't much better in some episodes.”

“Mercedes threatened to lock up my guitar if I didn't learn to pick up my dirty underwear,” Sam complains.

“Dude! Gross!” Leo shudders and gives him a disgusted look.

“Elliott sings. Like. All the time,” Gil says. “And one time we screamed at each other about where to spend Christmas that year for three hours and he ended up sleeping on the couch for a week.”

Sophia just lifts her head, giving Blaine a sad look, and he feels bad remembering what she has to go through every day of her life. He kisses her forehead and presses his cheek against her hair.

“Okay,” he says. “Okay. I just – I think I just need a little time.”

“You can stay here as long as you want,” Sam promises.

“Won't Mercedes have a problem with that?”

Sophia jabs a finger into his stomach. “Hey, Caleb's still gone. Come stay with me. I hate being alone anyway.”

He nods, looking around at the circle of his friends, feeling Kurt's absence like hole in his chest. But he's not alone. He has friends. And they'll help him figure out this mess, he's sure of it.


	20. Chapter 19

Blaine has been gone for two nights by the time Kurt gets the phone call from his dad. At first he thinks that someone must have told him, and that he's calling to ask about him and Blaine, to berate him for not having fixed this impossible situation yet. But then he picks up the phone anyway, and Burt is just as he always is: a mix between quietly cheerful and inquisitive.

Of course he doesn't know about the escalation of his marital problems, Kurt reminds himself. As intuitive and seemingly all-knowing as his father sometimes seems to him, he's not a mind-reader. He won't know unless Kurt tells him. Which is what he wants to do, he really does. He just – cannot find the words. It's rare, facing a problem that he feels he cannot discuss with his dad. But this seems to be one of those. He feels like such a failure.

“So listen,” Burt says, after they've exchanged news about Kurt's classes and Burt's garage. “I'm actually in New York next week, Carole won tickets for some play or something.”

“You're seeing a play?” Kurt asks, almost wanting to laugh.

Burt grunts unhappily. “Anyway, we're thinking of making a few days of it, Finn can stay with one of his buddies here in Lima and Carole has a friend in Brooklyn that she's been meaning to visit for a few years now. Perfect opportunity for that. So whaddya say, do you think you'd like to hang out with your old man for a few days?”

Kurt swallows. There's no way of hiding the fact that Blaine isn't living with him if his dad actually comes to visit. He should say no. He should tell him he has plans. Rehearsal. Whatever. And yet, especially after the past few days, after crying himself to sleep every night and waking every few hours because the bed is too cold and big without his Blaine beside him, after feeling so painfully alone – the prospect of seeing his dad, of getting one of those patented Burt Hummel hugs and being able to sit down and talk with him in person … it seems too good to turn it down.

“Of course,” he says. “I'd love to spend some time with you in New York.”

“Good,” Burt says on the other end of the line. “I've already booked a hotel.”

**

There's nothing else to be done about it – he needs to tell Blaine about his family's visit and hope for the best. He simply cannot tell his dad about what happened. He can't bring himself to worry him like that. He can't risk word getting out further than it has already, he doesn't need some government official breathing down their necks, figuring out if they need to be put in adjustment therapy. If word got out about their separation – they'd make Blaine move back in, not even caring what that would do to them right now. They'd send them to mandatory counseling. They'd send family inspectors at random to check up on them. And neither he nor Blaine really needs that kind of stress in their lives right now.

Not that he's afraid that his dad would tell on them, but he just – doesn't want him to know regardless.

He texts Mercedes before going over to her and Sam's room.

_Is he there?_

She texts back within minutes. _He's pretty much always here. Can't get him to go out much._

His heart hurts at her reply, but he knows he's to blame and doesn't deserve to feel any better. Not when Blaine is miserable and it's all his fault. Gathering his courage, he slowly but determinedly starts making his way across campus.

**

“Kurt is coming over,” Mercedes tells him, and Blaine looks up from _Mr. Penumbra's 24-hour Bookstore_ to frown at her.

“Okay...”

“He's coming over for you,” she clarifies.

Blaine nods and just resumes reading. He has no idea how to reply to that. He's not ready to talk to him, doesn't even know what he wants to say. It's been three days, and yet he still feels his head spinning every time he tries to figure out what went wrong and where they'll go from here. He _misses_ Kurt. So much that it physically hurts him. But the fact remains that he doesn't know what to say to him. For the briefest second he wonders if Kurt is going to make him come back against his will, but no, he thinks. Kurt wouldn't do that to him. Kurt would never abuse his authority over him like that.

It only takes a few minutes before there's a soft knock on the door, too soft to really sound like Kurt, and Blaine wants to cry. This is what they've become. Tiptoeing around each other because they don't know how to talk anymore.

“I'll get it,” he says as Sam and Mercedes both throw him questioning looks. He puts down his book and rises from the couch, makes the few short steps over to the door, pulling it open quickly before his courage leaves him.

Kurt looks – awful. Pale, tired, thin. Blaine wants to wrap him up in his arms and hold him close, sink down to the floor to kneel at his feet and beg for forgiveness, grab his shoulders and shake him and yell at him, all at the same time. He just wants this to end, he just wants to go back to being _them_ , he just wants – Kurt. He just wants to stop feeling like a fucking shadow of himself. He hates that he needs Kurt to be happy, but apparently he's reached that point in his dependency.

“Take a walk with me?” Kurt asks, no greeting, no false pleasantries.

Blaine nods. “Okay.”

He slips into his shoes, throws on a jacket, and pulls the door shut behind them, forgets to say goodbye to Sam and Mercedes. They'll understand.

**

They walk in silence for a few minutes, finding themselves near their favorite coffee stand almost by accident. Kurt buys them both coffee before Blaine can protest, but it feels good, having the cup to occupy his hands and sipping the slightly bitter hot drink as they settle on a bench side by side.

“I'm so sorry, Blaine,” Kurt says eventually, quietly, staring down at his fingers.

“I'm sorry too,” Blaine says.

“It wasn't your fault,” Kurt insists. “I really screwed up. I never meant to hurt you. Please believe me.”

“We both screwed up,” Blaine reminds him. “I think this was a long time coming.”

Kurt nods slowly. “It's – more than that one fight, isn't it? I've been thinking about it a lot -”

“Yeah,” Blaine breathes. “I think we need – time. I think we need time. To sort this out.”

“The one thing we don't have right now.” Kurt sighs.

“I am actually going to stay with Sophia starting tomorrow. Caleb is gone for the semester and she said it wasn't a problem -”

“My dad is visiting next week,” Kurt interrupts him.

“Oh.”

“And I don't want him to know.”

“God no.” Blaine shakes his head emphatically. “What if he tells my mom?”

“Yeah. Exactly.”

“Then what do we do?”

Kurt shrugs. “I guess we'll have to – pretend. At least during the day. He's staying at a hotel at night, so if you don't – if you'd rather not be with me, you can go back to Sophia's as soon as he leaves. Or I can ask Elliott and Gil to stay with them, I feel bad hogging our living space like this -”

“No, please,” Blaine says. “You have classes to prepare for. You should have your work space, your books -”

“I haven't been to class since … you know.” Kurt whispers.

Blaine clutches his coffee cup tighter. “Oh. I'm … sorry.”

“It's not your fault,” Kurt repeats himself.

“It kind of is, though,” Blaine insists.

“No, it's not,” Kurt says, and then, before Blaine can object, continues, “So, next week? We're fine pretending for our families' sake? It's just a few days. And then we can – you know. Work on figuring out this mess.”

“Okay,” Blaine agrees. “Okay, yes. We can do that.”

**

Burt arrives on a Wednesday. Kurt hasn't seen Blaine for days, not since he temporarily moved in with Sophia. They haven't talked, haven't even begun solving any of this. Instead, they've been giving each other space, as limited as they know this arrangement is. But Kurt knows that once they have the time again, they absolutely do need to sit down and figure this out. They're married, they belong to each other now. Whatever their problem is, they have no choice but to work on it.

“You okay, kid?” His dad gives him a worried look as they wait for the elevator in the hotel lobby where he and Carole are going to put away their things before they'll be meeting up with Blaine for dinner.

“Just tired,” Kurt assures him. “I've had this improv project that really took it out of me.”

Burt nods. “Make sure you get enough sleep. Are you eating enough? Gotta keep up your strength.”

“I'm fine, dad,” Kurt insists.

“I'm sure he's eating a lot healthier than you are, a lot of the time,” Carole teases Burt, pinching his forearm.

Kurt fixes his dad with a firm stare. “We'll have a conversation about that later, dad. Thanks for letting me know, Carole.”

“Traitor,” Burt hisses to his wife.

“We just both want you around for a long time,” Kurt reminds his father, while Carole rises up on her toes to kiss his cheek affectionately.

**

Blaine meets them at the diner they have agreed on for dinner, and Kurt, already seated, debates the proper way to greet him under the circumstances. Should they hug? Should he get up? At last he waits for Blaine to slide into the booth next to him, catches his eyes tentatively, trying to read the mood between them.

Eventually Blaine is the one to lean in and press a gentle kiss to Kurt's lips first. It's short, little more than a peck, close-mouthed and over too fast. He knows it's just to keep up appearances, but Kurt feels the contact all the way down to his toes, feels his heart leap in his chest, his fingers straining to reach out and cup Blaine's face and keep him there, keep him close, god, he misses him so much he can't _breathe_ sometimes. And he knows, once they're alone again he'll do anything, _anything_ to get him back, he _needs_ him, his skin aches with the distance between them. 

“Hi,” Blaine says, pulling back.

Kurt smiles at him shakily. “Hi. Did you have a good day?”

“It was all right,” Blaine says politely. “You?”

“Same.”

“Good.”

They're saved from more awkward conversation by Carole who wants to know about the quality of the salad at this place, and Kurt is glad for the distraction. This is difficult enough as it is.

**

They walk Burt and Carole back to the hotel after dinner, making plans to all meet up for breakfast the next day. Carole hugs them both and Burt follows her example before walking off in the direction of the elevator.

Kurt stands next to Blaine on the sidewalk, arms wrapped protectively around his chest, quiet as he's trying to figure out what to do now that his parents have gone to bed.

Blaine is the first to speak, clearing his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets, staring past Kurt at a spot on the sidewalk. “I guess we should – say goodnight too. I'll go back to Sophia's.”

Kurt feels a wild, desperate panic rise up his throat, gripping and twisting his insides, and he doesn't know what to do. He can't stand the thought of being without Blaine right now. They shouldn't be apart, it feels _wrong_ to be apart from him, nothing makes any sense without him. “Please -” he says, voice scratchy and quiet. He takes a deep breath, clenching his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. When he continues, his voice is steady. “You can come back to our place. We could – talk. Or. I don't know. Just sleep. Whatever you want.”

Blaine sighs, frowns, lifting his shoulders helplessly. “Kurt -”

“I miss you,” Kurt says desperately. “I know that doesn't change anything. But I – I just really miss you so much.”

“I miss you too,” Blaine admits, sounding a little choked. “God, Kurt, I -” He breaks off, burying his face in his hands, and Kurt can hear him take several deep, shaky breaths. “I don't know what to do,” he finishes the thought eventually, quietly, lowering his hands without looking up at Kurt.

“I don't know either,” Kurt admits. “Look, we don't have to talk tonight. Just please – please stay the night. I'm so tired and I can't sleep without you, and I just want – just come home. Please come home with me, Blaine.”

Blaine lets his shoulders drop, shaking his head slowly, and he looks exhausted. “...Okay,” he says finally. “Okay. I'll stay the night.”

“Oh god,” Kurt breathes, “ _Thank you_. Okay. Thank you.” The relief he feels is like a rush of warmth, like his lungs expand properly for the first time in days. Blaine is coming home.

They walk back to campus side by side and don't hold each other's hand. But it doesn't matter all that much. They have the same destination and that's the most important thing right now.

**

It's weird, going to sleep on opposite sides of the bed. From the first day, they've automatically gravitated toward the middle, tangled their arms and legs together, fallen asleep cuddling and holding each other.

Tonight, there's space between them, and Blaine doesn't like it. But it's better than the last few nights because at least Kurt is next to him, he can hear him breathing and moving and he can turn his head and catch the scent of him, he can close his eyes and feel surrounded by Kurt even if they're not touching.

Sophia had been delighted when he'd called her to say he was staying with Kurt tonight – not because she doesn't want him in her room, but because she is his friend and wants him to be happy. She's been his rock these past few days, listening to him when he needed to talk and holding him when he needed to be quiet, stroking his back and kissing his hair when he curled up against her and tried so hard not to cry. In return she'd told him more about Caleb and their life together, and cried herself to sleep in his arms more than once. They've been good for each other, but Blaine is glad right now to be in his own bed with Kurt so close; he could just reach out and touch. He wants to. He doesn't.

He wakes up with the sun shining through the window and it's warm and he's comfortable and he feels – god, he feels so well rested. It takes a minute or two before he's fully oriented, before he realizes that the rising and falling very firm pillow under his cheek is, in fact, not a pillow at all.

They must have found each other at some point in the night, their bodies remembering all the ways they fit together so perfectly. It's the way they've woken up most mornings in the past – Blaine half on top of Kurt with Kurt's arms wrapped around Blaine's back, their legs tangled together beneath the covers.

Blaine knows he should move away, get up, take a shower, get ready for breakfast. But – he can't, not yet, he can't let this be over. Kurt seems to be still asleep, so he decides to enjoy this while it lasts, fill up all of his senses with Kurt so it will last him for a while once they have to part ways again.

He closes his eyes again, cuddling in as close as he dares without running the risk of waking him; god Kurt is so sleep-warm and solid and he smells so familiar and amazing and Blaine feels tears stinging behind his closed eyelids as emotion floods his chest.

Oh god he feels so much for this man, and this, right here and right now, this is what safety and belonging feels like, he knows. When Kurt holds him, everything is okay. It's not a revelation, it's not something he hadn't known before, but he really feels it this morning, feels it so clearly: he'd do _anything_ for Kurt, anything to make him happy. He's never felt this way about anyone, and he has no desire to; this is for Kurt. This feeling is Kurt's and Kurt's alone. Whatever he wants from Blaine, he can have it. And somehow, the thought is no longer scary. It makes him sad, yes, because he knows it's not mutual. But he'll learn to live with it. Kurt can have his heart. He already has it. Blaine knows he'll keep it safe even if he can't give Blaine his own in return.

Slowly, carefully, Blaine lifts his head, gently lets his eyes roam over Kurt's beautiful face, relaxed and happy in sleep. His heart clenches in his chest as he takes in every freckle, the perfect line of his jaw, his cute ears, the gentle curve of his lips, slightly parted with a bit of drool gathering in the corner as Kurt snores softly. He's adorable, sexy, entirely gorgeous. And Blaine wants to kiss his eyelashes, his nose, thread his fingers through his hair, trace the line of his eyebrows with his fingertips. He wants Kurt's skin against his own, wants to rest his face against the curve of his neck, taste his sweat on his tongue. He wants _Kurt_ , all of him, always, for the rest of forever. He's helpless against it, there's nothing he can do. Kurt is so lovely, so perfect, so amazing and kind-hearted and talented and strong and beautiful, and Blaine feels weak with the affection and tenderness rushing through him as he gently leans down to kiss the space between his eyebrows.

“Kurt,” he whispers, quietly, helplessly, lying back down to rest his head on Kurt's shoulder, his nose pressing into the curve above his collarbone. “ _Kurt_.”


	21. Chapter 20

Blaine goes back to stay with Sophia the next night. He wants to be with Kurt, but he doesn't know how to admit it and Kurt doesn't ask him to stay over again, so once they say goodnight to Burt and Carole, he makes his lonely way across campus, feeling sad and defeated and alone. This really fucking sucks so bad, but he has no idea what to do about it. 

Sophia is still awake when he gets back, sitting on the couch and watching TV. She looks up when he walks through the door, and with one look at his face opens her arms for him. He gently closes the door behind himself, shuffles over to the couch, and crawls onto the seat next to her, where he lets her pull him close and buries his face against her shoulder. He feels exhausted.

“Oh Blaine,” she sighs, hugging him in close. “I wish there was something I could do.”

He doesn't answer, he can't speak right now. Instead, he closes his eyes and cries softly until he falls asleep in her arms right there on the couch.

**

Kurt starts going to class again even though he feels as if he's sleepwalking most of the time. He can't miss any more days without risking his grades, so he makes himself get up in the mornings, makes himself take a shower and have breakfast and pick out clothes. Mercedes and Elliott always seem to be around, escorting him to his classes and the dining hall and handing him off to his dad in the afternoons. Blaine joins them most of the time and having to act as if nothing is wrong is so painful Kurt wants to just lay down on the sidewalk and sleep at the end of every day, tired out and drained from all the emotional turmoil.

Burt and Carole leave a few days later and Kurt sees them to the airport by himself; it's just easier that way. His dad hugs him for a long time, and makes him promise to come home to Lima during the next semester break. Kurt is happy to promise that, he feels like he desperately needs a break from everything for a while.

Once his family is back on the plane to Ohio, he sits in his room, listening to the quiet of being alone. All he feels is empty. He misses his dad already, he misses Carole, but most of all it's the absence of Blaine that's hurting him. He's never been on his own like this. He moved from living with his parents to living with Blaine and he doesn't like the feeling of an empty home with just himself for company.

But he's just not sure how to ask Blaine to come back. He's not sure that he can. Early on he had promised Blaine to let him make his own decisions and to never use his position as husband to make him do things he didn't want. If Blaine comes back, it has to be because he wants it. It's the only way that this is ever going to work.

**

It's Saturday and over two weeks since their big fight when Kurt gets a text from Blaine. They haven't seen each other since Burt left, haven't even accidentally run into each other around campus. Kurt doesn't know whether to be grateful for that or not, at this point he no longer knows what makes it easier and what doesn't.

_I need my spare guitar strings, is it okay if I stop by quickly?_ Blaine texts.

Kurt's fingertips tingle with the need for closeness, the need to just see him, be in the same room with him, hear his voice for even just a moment.

_Yes of course_ , he texts back. _Any time. This is your home too, you know that._

Blaine's reply comes quickly. _I didn't want to assume and I didn't want to disturb you. But okay. Thank you._

He doesn't know how to spend the minutes after that text, doesn't know how to occupy himself, how to sit still, how to _breathe_. He feels nervous, jittery, scared. Blaine is coming over. Only for a moment, but … _Blaine_ is coming over. He's going to see him. God he wants to see him so badly, he can't stand not seeing him for a moment longer now that he knows they'll be face to face again. He can't understand how he's even made it this long.

Minutes tick by, slowly, so slowly, and Kurt is ready to crawl out of his skin with anticipation and nerves. He feels raw around the edges and a good part of that is due to sleep deprivation. The biggest part of it is heartache and loneliness.

Even waiting for the knock on the door, he still jumps when he hears it, his heart skipping a beat and then hammering away in his chest.

He makes his way across the room on shaky legs, opens the door as quickly as he dares without seeming overeager. And there is Blaine on the other side of it, his hair a mess of curls on his head, his eyeliner smudged around the edges, and a few days worth of stubble on his face. He looks as drained as Kurt feels.

“Hi,” he attempts. It comes out breathy and high, but he can't even bring himself to care.

“Hi,” Blaine says back, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“You didn't have to knock,” Kurt tells him, because it's the first thing he can think of to say. “This is still your place too.”

Blaine shrugs. “I wasn't sure. Sorry.”

“No, don't apologize,” Kurt says, opens the door wider and steps aside to let Blaine in. “Just – do you want anything? Coffee? Tea? I think we still have a beer in the fridge -”

“No, I -” Blaine looks uncomfortable, shoulders hunched to make himself even smaller and god, Kurt wants to wrap him up in his arms and hold him and never let him go. “Just my guitar strings. I don't want to – I'm sure you're busy.”

“I'm really not,” Kurt assures him.

“No exciting weekend plans?” Blaine wants to know, smiling shyly.

Kurt shakes his head, his insides fluttering with all the conflicting emotions almost tearing him apart. “I haven't felt a lot like going out lately.”

Blaine nods. “Yeah. Me either.”

He looks so sad and small standing there, and Kurt can't help it, he has to do something, he has to at least try. “Blaine -”

“Don't,” Blaine cuts him off.

“Please let me make you a cup of coffee,” Kurt begs. “Please just – just give me ten minutes, just – we should talk about this, you know we should.”

Blaine bites his lip, staring at the carpet. “I don't know what to say. I wouldn't even know where to start. This is all so fucked up.”

“I know,” Kurt agrees. “I know it is. But we're – we're married. Sooner or later we'll have to -”

“Kurt -” Blaine interrupts, lifting a hand to cut him off. “I know that. I do. But we can't – If the only reason we're doing this is because of the fucking law then I don't know if it's ever gonna work. I mean, we tried and look what happened.”

It's difficult not to cry, but he manages, barely. And he's done pretending, he's done playing games, he doesn't know how he'll cope if Blaine leaves this room now without them solving anything. “I didn't have trouble sleeping and eating those past few weeks because the law said so,” he says. “You know it's not just that.”

“Then what is it?” Blaine asks quietly.

Kurt shrugs, wraps his arms around his own chest to keep from flying apart right then and there. Blaine's eyes are wet with tears and the sight of it hurts more than anything. “You're – Blaine, I know we have a lot to figure out yet, but you're still my best friend. And I miss you. I miss you like crazy.”

Blaine's face crumples as if he's going to cry and he presses his hands to his eyes for a moment, shoulders shaking. When he looks back up at Kurt, there are tears on his cheeks. “You're my best friend too,” he whispers roughly. “But I – I can't -”

“We'll figure it out,” Kurt promises, desperate now. This isn't going well, it's not going well at all. “Please, I know we can figure it out, if we could just try -”

“We have tried,” Blaine insists. “And we still ended up hurting each other, don't you think that says something?”

“This hurts too, though,” Kurt whispers, chest aching. “I don't think not being together and not talking makes it any better.”

“Maybe not,” Blaine says. “But I can't think of any way to solve this. Maybe we're just too different, maybe we'll just never want the same things.”

“Right now all I want is for you to come home,” Kurt says, meeting Blaine's eyes, his beautiful, sad, expressive eyes. “And I think you want to come home too. That makes one thing that we both want.”

Blaine starts crying for real now, shakes his head, turning away from him. “Please don't do this,” he begs. “Please, I can't -” He shakes his head again, starts stumbling toward the door, one hand wiping furiously at his eyes.

“You didn't even take your guitar strings,” is all Kurt can think of to say.

“I'll come back for them later when you're in class.”

“You can just wait, I'll get them for you, just don't go, please don't go -”

“I have to. You know that.”

Kurt swallows heavily, his throat too tight for words, but he manages them anyway. He has no other choice, if Blaine leaves now he'll fall apart, he can feel it. He can't let him go. “Nothing is right when you're not here,” he says. “Please, Blaine. Please, let's talk about this, or let's – let's just hang out, we're still friends, right? You said we're still friends and I'm miserable and I need my best friend right now. I _need_ you.”

Blaine curls his arms around his stomach, looking like he's in pain. “I can't,” he says again. “I can't, Kurt, I can't. I can't stay and be your friend right now, it hurts too much, please understand -”

He looks so broken, so tiny, so hurt. Kurt aches to hold him, to kiss him, to take away all of that pain and replace it with happiness, Blaine should never have to look like this, god, he can't handle it. He can't stand it. Blaine is the best person he's ever met and he can't lose him, oh god, he can't even begin to think about it, being without him is just not an option. It's not something that's ever allowed to happen, they're supposed to be doing this together, and he can't let him walk away, he can't let him go back to hurting all by himself. The knowledge is going to kill him if his own broken heart doesn't do it first; he never thought he'd be feeling like this, but he is, he is, and there's nothing he can do about it anymore.

And he doesn't think about it, can't stop himself, he just decides to be selfish for just a moment, and if this ruins everything then at least it'll be over and he doesn't know what he will do. But Blaine is about to leave and he needs to say it, needs him to know.

“Then stay because I love you,” he chokes, sucking in a sharp breath against the sob that's rising up in his throat. “Please, Blaine, I -”

Blaine blinks up at him, frozen to the spot, tears still streaming down his face. “What?” he asks, quietly, voice trembling as he presses a hand to his mouth. “...What?”

Kurt closes his eyes for a second, opens them again to meet Blaine's. Nothing matters anymore, the truth is out, and it aches, oh god it hurts, but at the same time he feels … free. Blaine knows. No more hiding. No more secrets. “I love you,” he repeats, his voice breaking just a little around the words. “I don't want you to stay because you're my friend. I just – want you. I need you, Blaine. More than you know.”

Blaine drops his hand from his lips, staring wide-eyed and shocked, face pale under his stubble. “You love me,” he whispers, like it's the most unlikely thing he's ever heard in his life.

Kurt nods, attempts a wobbly smile. “So much. I just – I'm sorry. I can't help it, I -”

“I love you too.” It comes out on the end of an exhale, Blaine's face still stunned with surprise. “Oh my god, Kurt -”

“You do?” Suddenly it feels as if there's no air in the room, his head is spinning, no, the room is spinning, everything is fuzzy and upside down but there at the center of everything is Blaine, real and solid and with tear streaks on his face and his hair a mess and god he's beautiful, he's so beautiful...

“Of course I do,” Blaine says, voice rough with emotion. “I – I thought you didn't – I thought you didn't want that, I mean, I didn't know -”

Kurt is across the room in three big strides and Blaine meets his hug by throwing his arms around Kurt's waist.

“Shut up,” Kurt murmurs into the fabric of his shirt, pulling him as close as physically possible, clinging as tightly as he can, god, close is never even close enough, he wants to crawl inside of him and never come out. “Oh god, shut up, I love you, you dumbass, I love you -”

“Kurt,” Blaine manages, raspy and desperate, and holds him so tight Kurt can feel his heartbeat against his own chest. “Kurt, Kurt, _Kurt_...”

**

Blaine loses time of how long they just stand there wrapped up in each other and he doesn't care, he still feels shaky and lightheaded and raw but also happy, so happy he could burst with it. It's euphoria and joy and relief so overwhelming he feels almost weak with it, Kurt's arms the only thing keeping him upright.

Kurt loves him. Kurt _loves_ him.

He can't believe it, he can't even fully grasp it, he's so, so in love with this man and he's loved back and his entire body sings with it, buzzing in the tightness of Kurt's embrace. He feels dizzy.

Kurt is in his arms, holding him, shaking against him, and god they were so stupid, all this time, all this time being together and he'd always assumed this wasn't possible, god they'd been so stupid...

“I love you,” Kurt whispers. “I love you, I love you, I _love_ you -”

Blaine laughs and cries at the same time, his face against Kurt's shoulder, breathing him in hungrily, feeling at home for the first time in … months, really. “I love you so much,” he breathes. “So much, Kurt, you don't even know -”

They pull back at the same time, grinning through their tears, and then Kurt leans in first, pressing his trembling lips to Blaine's. And then they're kissing, kissing, and Blaine wants to float away with the elation of having this again, of having it mean something all of a sudden, something real and wonderful and so good it almost hurts.

Their faces are wet and the kiss tastes like tears and promises and _them_. Blaine thinks it's their best one yet and they've kissed each other countless times. But it has never felt quite like this, it's never been this _much_ before. He doesn't have to hide the way he's feeling for Kurt any longer.

“You're staying, right?” Kurt asks, his mouth brushing Blaine's as he talks, his breath hot and sweet against Blaine's lips.

Blaine nods, kisses him again, soft and gentle and with his heart pounding in his chest. “I live here, remember?” he teases. “I'm home.”

Kurt's smile is like the sun coming through the clouds after a heavy rainstorm as he leans their foreheads together, fingers of one hand tangling in Blaine's curls. “You're home,” he confirms.

**

There is more talking throughout the day – and more fighting and crying and laughing and touching, they're always touching, unable to let go of each other completely. It still feels fragile, this newly uncovered ground under their feet, and after all those months of tiptoeing around each other, sorting it all out isn't done over a cup of coffee.

They don't leave the room that day, instead spend most of it on the couch with their hands clasped between them or Blaine's head on Kurt's shoulder or Kurt's arms firmly wrapped around Blaine's chest. When they get tired of talking they kiss until their lips are sore, sometimes crying, sometimes giggling so much they almost fall off the couch.

By the end of the day, their clothes are wrinkled and their limbs heavy from all the sitting and talking and all the emotions they have worked through.

They shower separately, but slide under the covers together, reaching for each other hungrily after the few minutes of separation.

It's been over two weeks and Blaine feels every day that they haven't been like this like a scar on his skin; tonight, he needs to be as close to Kurt as he can, needs to feel him and be with him and reaffirm what they've been telling each other all day.

_I love you_.

It's unhurried and slow and gentle, Blaine's naked body on top of Kurt's naked body, slipping and sliding until they find their rhythm, practiced and new all at once.

Kurt wraps his legs around Blaine's waist as Blaine sinks inside of him, lets out a breath that's half a moan and half a sigh of eternal relief.

Blaine rolls his hips, lowers his head to press his open mouth to Kurt's lovely neck. “I love you,” he whispers into his skin. “I love you.”

Kurt says it back, again and again and again as Blaine fucks him slowly, their eyes locked almost the entire time because Blaine doesn't want to miss a thing about this, wants to see every flicker of pleasure on Kurt's beautiful face.

“I've missed you so much,” Kurt breathes, lifting a hand to cup Blaine's face with trembling fingers. “I missed you, Blaine, I missed you -”

Blaine leans into the touch, his hips rocking rocking rocking with an urgency he can no longer control, his need for Kurt greater than his need to draw it out any longer. They're back together and yet everything is different, they're different, and it's better like this, so much better. Even the sex is better because it's not just about pleasure, it's about each other, and maybe it always had been, but now they can admit it. Blaine sort of loves that. He sort of really, really loves Kurt, he loves him so much, oh _god_ -

“Don't ever leave me,” he sobs, pushing in in _in_ harder, needier, closer, always closer. “Please don't _ever_ leave me, I need you, I can't -”

“I'm here,” Kurt promises, whimpering as Blaine hikes his legs up higher to thrust into him at a better angle. “I'm here, I _love_ you, don't wanna be anywhere else -”

Blaine presses their lips together in a messy kiss before reaching for Kurt's dick, jerking him off just the way he knows he likes. He needs him to come first, needs to make him feel good, he needs to give him everything everything _everything_ -

Kurt comes with a low moan, body tensing and eyes squeezing shut with pleasure, clenching hard around Blaine. He's gorgeous, stunning, overwhelmingly beautiful and Blaine wants to cry again, except he's close, so close, so close -

All it takes is a few more rolls of his hips and the world goes white, the heat of orgasm spiking through him so intensely he cries out, shaking in Kurt's arms.

They end up a tangle of limbs on top of the rumpled sheets, a panting, sweaty mess of sated boys holding onto each other in every way that they can.

Blaine's muscles are feeling heavy and he knows they're both a little gross but he doesn't care, just cuddles closer to Kurt who wraps his arms around him and kisses his damp curls.

“Welcome home, Blaine,” he whispers.

And Blaine rests his head on Kurt's chest, listens to his heartbeat, and smiles.


	22. Chapter 21

They spend most of the weekend inside, unwilling to be apart and unable to focus on anyone but each other. The only time they venture outside is on Sunday afternoon, walking over to Sophia's room on the other side of campus to pick up Blaine's things.

She squeals loudly when she opens the door and sees them standing there hand in hand, and launches herself at Blaine to hug him enthusiastically.

“Finally!” she calls. “I knew you two would make up sooner or later, I just knew it!”

Blaine hugs her back, having to let go of Kurt's hand to do so. “Thanks again for letting me stay over,” he says.

She pulls back and laughs. “Oh stop it. I liked having you here. I'm so happy for you, though.”

Blaine watches with a smile as she reaches for Kurt next, hugging him tightly. Kurt looks stunned for a second – they get along well enough but they've never been close – but then wraps his arms around her in return with a pleased little grin on his face.

“Thanks for everything, Sophia,” he says.

She lets go of him, leads them inside where Blaine starts gathering his things.

“So, you've finally talked it out?” she asks.

Blaine nods, looking up from the floor where he's placing his guitar back in its case. “There was some talking too, yes,” he says, grinning. “Among other things.”

“Oh, ew, spare me the details,” she says with a fake shudder. “All I need to know is that you two crazy kids are making it work at last.”

“We are,” Kurt assures her. “I really think we are.”

Blaine meets his eyes across the room and feels pleasantly warm all over.

**

They reinstate date night, agreeing that making time for each other should definitely be a priority, no matter how busy things get otherwise.

“And we need to be honest with each other,” Kurt says. “Always. If you feel like I don't actually want to spend time with you, you need to tell me. Because I promise you, I always want to spend time with you.”

“I want to spend time with you too,” Blaine agrees. “And if you feel like I'm withdrawing, you need to call me out on it. I'm an asshole sometimes and don't even realize that I'm being one.”

“You're not,” Kurt promises with a kiss to his lips. “But I'm glad we agree on the honesty thing. We could have avoided a lot of this mess if we had just – talked to each other.”

“I'm not always good at talking,” Blaine admits.

Kurt sighs. “And I'm not always good at expressing my feelings. It's a habit I guess. But I want this to work out. I really do. I love you. I don't want you to ever doubt that.”

“I love you too,” Blaine replies, and draws Kurt back into yet another kiss.

**

That week, Blaine finally talks to his therapist about what's really been bothering him the past few weeks. And she suggests marriage counseling. He laughs at the idea because it's ridiculous, they've got it all figured out now, counseling is for the couples who can't make it work.

Yet when he mentions it to Kurt that night, he goes suspiciously quiet, brow furrowed in thought. “Huh,” is all he says.

Blaine rolls his eyes at him. “Don't tell me you actually agree with this? It's a waste of time, isn't it? And we're fine now.”

Kurt nods silently, biting his lip. “I'm not thrilled about the idea of a stranger poking around in our love life,” he agrees, but he still looks lost in thought.

It's two days later and they're cuddled up on the couch, spending their date night staying in and not watching a movie that neither of them remembers even choosing when the topic comes up again.

“So, I've been thinking about this counseling thing,” Kurt says, sounding a little hesitant.

Blaine raises his head from where it's pillowed against Kurt's chest, frowning. “What about it?”

Kurt shrugs a little. “It might not be the worst idea in the world, actually.”

“Wait, seriously?” Blaine sits up all the way so only their legs are touching, knees pressed together tightly on the seat. “I thought we agreed about this. It's stupid.”

“But it isn't,” Kurt says, lifting his hands helplessly. “I mean, I'm not saying that I love the idea, but I also really don't want to risk a repeat of that fight. I don't want us ever walking out on each other again.”

“So we won't,” Blaine tries. “We've talked about it. Making time for each other, being honest – that sounds pretty fucking good to me. I don't see why we need someone else to confirm what we already know.”

Kurt shakes his head. “I'm just saying. We shouldn't dismiss the idea completely. I think it's at least worth a second thought.”

Blaine looks at him, really looks, and Kurt looks so worried, so unsure, he feels his heart sinking in his chest. “Kurt -” He swallows, keeping his voice calm. “Are you unhappy?” he asks quietly. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No! No, not at all,” Kurt is quick to assure him, reaching out to take one of Blaine's hands in his own. “You didn't do anything wrong. And I'm happy, I'm so, so happy, Blaine. You make me happy.”

“Then why -” Blaine starts, not sure how to ask. He just doesn't get it. Everything is going well, they're doing okay. Better than okay. They love each other.

Kurt stares at their joined hands, obviously trying to sort out his thoughts before he speaks. “My dad and Carole,” he finally says. “They did it too. When they first got married. And they got along well enough, it's not even that they had any real problems, it was just – we had lost my mom, and Carole had lost her husband. It was an adjustment, for all of us, but I guess for the two of them most of all. And they didn't want to risk it all falling apart, they wanted to create a happy home for my little brother and for me. I think it really helped them. You know. To have someone on the outside to help them make sense of all the things they were feeling.”

“But we don't even have a family,” Blaine points out. “Not yet. It's just us. And we're doing so well, I really don't think there is any need for this.”

“Maybe not right now,” Kurt says. “But can we guarantee to each other that we're really – ready for this? To do this for real? It's so much, Blaine. It's all just … so much, and I really don't want it to go wrong.”

“So you don't trust me to be honest with you.” Blaine knows he's being unfair, but the words hurt and he can feel himself getting angry. “Or are you planning on not being honest with me? I don't get why you're pushing for this so hard.”

“I'm not!” Kurt lets out a frustrated breath, running a hand through his hair. “I just – why are you so against this? You're seeing a therapist once a week!”

Blaine laughs bitterly. “Yeah, because apparently I need it. I guess I'm just fucked up that way. But we're not, Kurt. We're not fucked up. We're – awesome together. I like us. I don't want anyone messing with what we have.”

“That's not what counseling is for!” Kurt squeezes his eyes shut, taking a few measured breaths before opening them again. “Blaine, I won't make you do this if you really don't want to. But I still think we should at least consider it. This, what we have – it's precious to me. And I'll do anything to protect it. I thought you would do the same.”

Blaine can't help it, he just deflates at the honest, slightly despairing look on Kurt's face. He can't bear to hold onto his anger when Kurt looks at him like that, so open and so affectionate. “Of course I'll do anything,” he promises. “I guess we just have different ideas about what that means.”

Kurt nods. “Apparently. Can we at least agree to keep talking about it?”

Blaine rolls his eyes, but his mouth twitches into a smile. “God, you're stubborn.”

Kurt grins back, shyly, tentatively. “Is that a yes?”

“Oh whatever.” Blaine lowers his head to hide the amused grin. “Yes. Yes, fine, we can talk about it. But I'm not promising to change my mind about this!”

“That's all I'm asking,” Kurt says, lifting his fingers to Blaine's chin to tip his face up so he can meet his eyes. “Thank you.”

“It's a good thing you're so fucking adorable.”

Kurt's smile is pleased, an amused little sparkle at the corners of his eyes. “ _You're_ adorable,” he says. “And handsome. And really hot. And smart and sexy and you're eyes are just so -”

“Are you hitting on me to make me change my mind?”

“Is it working?”

Blaine laughs. “No!”

“Dammit.” Kurt hangs in head dejectedly. “Worth a try.”

“Oh, come on, Kurt. You know me better than that.”

Kurt leans in to capture his lips in a soft kiss, smiling so widely it's little more than a peck. “I like knowing you.”

“Mmm. Same.” Blaine sighs against his mouth, going willingly as Kurt wraps his arms around him, pulling him back into their previous cuddling position.

“And by the way,” Kurt says softly, “You're not fucked up. Trust me. I know you, remember?”

“Then why do I need a therapist?” Blaine shoots back.

“Because you still think that you are,” Kurt says. “But I know better. And one day, I'll make you believe me.”

Blaine snuggles up close against Kurt's chest, closing his eyes and breathing in the familiar, lovely scent of him. It doesn't matter that Kurt is completely delusional. It still feels good, having someone believe in him like this.

**

Kurt pushes open the door to their room, balancing his sheet music and the pile of books on his arms precariously, stumbling and dancing across the room with the wobbly stack of papers until he can dump all of them on the bed at last. Breathing a sigh of relief, he closes his eyes, straightens his back, rolling back his shoulders as he gently stretches out his spine. It's been a long, exhausting day starting with an early shift at work and then what felt like at least fifty hours of classes, including stage combat. He's tired and sweaty and sore and the smell of Blaine's home-cooked stew drifting over from the kitchen almost makes him cry with happiness.

“You're home,” Blaine says, voice delighted as he sticks his head out of the kitchen door, book open in his hand. “Good.”

“I feel like I need to sleep for three days,” Kurt groans, lifting his arms weakly as he draws his face into a pout, opening and closing his fingers in Blaine's direction. “I have been up forever and I'm hurting everywhere and I need a hug.”

Blaine chuckles, eyes dark with tenderness and gentle affection as he walks the few steps across the room. “Poor darling,” he teases, pulling Kurt into a tight embrace. “Whatever can I do? Want me to kiss it better?”

Kurt slumps against him, lets himself be held, shivering pleasantly as warmth floods every corner of his skin. He'll never get over this feeling of absolute safety and … _home_ , whenever Blaine holds him like this, his body so solid and comforting and familiar. “Love you,” Kurt murmurs into the fabric of the shirt stretched tight over Blaine's shoulder.

“I love you too,” Blaine replies, turning his head so he can press his open mouth to Kurt's neck.

Kurt tries to squirm away, weakly pushing at Blaine without really meaning it. “No, don't, I'm all gross and sweaty -”

“I don't mind,” Blaine breathes, sounding vaguely amused and a little turned on. “In fact, I think I kind of like it.”

“Eww.” Kurt pushes off of him for real this time, scrunching his nose at him, laughing. “God, you're so weird.”

“And yet you love me.” Blaine grins. “What does that say about you?”

Kurt leans in to kiss his mouth, then gently shoves Blaine away with an answering grin of his own. “Shut up. I'm hungry. Do I have time to shower, or -”

“Why don't we eat first,” Blaine suggests, “And then shower together later?”

Kurt walks past him, linking their fingers to pull Blaine along. “Sometimes, you have the best ideas.”

They eat on the couch, bowls of stew held on their laps, and Kurt is way too hungry after a long day to even spare a single thought for civilized conversation until Blaine clears his throat, looking just the tiniest bit nervous as Kurt looks up questioningly.

“There was actually something I wanted to talk to you about,” Blaine says.

“Oh?” Kurt dips a chunk of bread into his bowl, letting it soak through before shoving it in his mouth. “Abou' wha'?” he manages through his mouthful.

Blaine snorts. “Well, that's attractive.”

Kurt rolls his eyes, chewing around an embarrassed grin as he motions for Blaine to go ahead.

“Um, well, right,” Blaine starts, placing his spoon carefully in his bowl before setting it aside on the coffee table. “It's about – well, I've been thinking.”

Kurt swallows his food, twitching his leg to nudge his knee encouragingly against Blaine's. “That can be a good thing. Or – not.”

“Haha.”

“I never know, with you.”

“Well, yeah, ha, I mean -” Blaine rubs the back of his neck before taking a deep breath. “You're working so much,” he says, “What with school and the diner and I know you miss your band, you rarely ever go to rehearsal anymore.”

“It can't be helped,” Kurt says, shrugs. “We need the money from my job and I need to go to class to not flunk out. It sucks, but it's just for a few years. We can get through this.”

“Yeah, but -” Blaine meets his eyes, grinning shyly. “What of we didn't have to? I mean, I'm so bored all the time, and I feel useless, and you're stretched so thin, and I was thinking, um, I've been thinking that – what if I spend just a little of all this free time that I have – contributing? A little?”

Kurt blinks at him, doesn't understand. “I'm not following.”

Blaine nods. “You know how I kind of love music?”

Kurt rolls his eyes fondly. “No, Blaine, that fact had completely escaped me. You like music, do you?”

“Asshole.” Blaine slaps his shoulder lightly, a fond light in his eyes. “Anyway, I thought – Daisy has this friend who wants to learn how to play the guitar and she asked me to teach him. And do you know Jessica from down the hall? Her kid brother is looking for a piano teacher. And it just got me thinking. I mean, if you give me permission, it's not against the law, I mean, it's not a real _job_ , and I actually really think I could do it -”

“Wait, really?” Kurt asks, lowering the spoon he was lifting to his mouth. And all he can think is, _why didn't we think of this before?_ Because Blaine never showed any inclination to do something like this, that's why, he knows. But still – it just makes sense, it makes so much sense.

Blaine shrugs defensively, misinterpreting Kurt's stare completely. “I mean, I just thought it was a good idea. You could cut back your hours at the diner and we could spend more time together. You could spend time with your friends. And your band. I mean, my mom used to do some tutoring and that Mr. Home-Perm at McKinley ran the glee club -”

“Blaine,” Kurt interrupts. “This is _brilliant_!”

Blaine meets his eyes, surprised. “Yeah?”

“Absolutely. Oh my god!” Kurt grins excitedly. “I love the idea! Do you want to look around for more students? We can put up fliers around campus -”

“So, you'd be cool with me doing this?” Blaine wants to know, and Kurt is speechless for a moment.

“I told you I'd never keep you from doing something you want to do,” he reminds him, then pauses. “This is something you want, right? You're not just doing this for me?”

Blaine bites his lip, shakes his head slowly. “I feel like – I want – a purpose. I want to do something. I feel useless and bored and then I look at you and you're always so stressed and busy and I – I just want to help.”

“You're amazing,” Kurt breathes, then pulls himself back together, resisting the urge to tackle Blaine down onto the couch. “But I mean it. I like this idea, but I need you to know that I don't expect you to -”

“We agreed that we're doing this together, right?” Blaine interrupts him. “So – let me do my part. I want to. I think it could actually be fun. I think – I think I'd like teaching stuff.”

“I think you'd be great at it,” Kurt confirms, and he can't quite keep the dreamy expression off of his face as he looks at Blaine, god, he looks delicious in his tight shirt and ripped jeans and messy curls -

“So, you're cool with this?”

Kurt nods. “If you are.”

“Good,” Blaine says, leaning across to kiss him once, quickly, on the lips. He tastes like stew. “And now eat up so we can shower. You're kind of gross.”

“Hey,” Kurt exclaims, slapping his shoulder. Blaine just laughs at him.

They dump their bowls in the sink once they're done with dinner, Kurt is really impatient to finally get in the shower once he's no longer starving.

Showering together of course leads to shower sex, which leads to naked cuddles on their bed, which leads to more sex on rumpled sheets, both of them giggling and rolling around and groping tickling slapping kissing each other until they're fully hard again.

Blaine stretches out on his stomach as Kurt settles on top of him, covering him completely, kissing the still-damp skin between his shoulder blades as he pushes inside carefully.

It doesn't take long the second time around, but it's good, so good, Kurt loves Blaine warm and pliant underneath him, loves how close he feels to him when they are like this.

Afterwards, content and happy in each other's arms, Kurt laughs softly. “You got me all sweaty again.”

Blaine kisses his chest, grins. “Don't care. Tomorrow is the weekend anyway. You don't have classes.”

“We can work on your fliers together.”

“I'd like that.”

Kurt sighs happily, pulling Blaine closer, pressing his lips to his curls. “I love you.”

Blaine hums, pulling the covers up to their shoulders to keep them warm. “I love you too.”


	23. Epilogue

Their one-year anniversary is the same day as Mercedes and Sam's wedding anniversary, so they decide to celebrate by going out to lunch together, just the four of them. Classes are over for the semester and they'll be going home to Ohio soon, but somehow it had seemed right, spending this day in New York where they've made a life together over the past months.

They've made reservations at a fancy restaurant and Kurt holds Blaine's hand under the table as they wait for their food sitting across from Sam and Mercedes, stunned by the realization that they've already been together for a whole year. It seems longer than that and not that long at all at the same time – so much has happened and yet he knows they have so much more to learn about each other, so much more to discover and understand.

It's been a very good year, Kurt thinks.

So, there have been fights, and miscommunication, and sometimes it hasn't been easy. But sitting here holding Blaine's hand and thinking back, all he feels is happy. They're a work in progress, and he's excited to keep working on them. And after some more discussion on the matter, they have even finally decided to actually go and see a counselor, just four sessions to start, but her card is in both their wallets in case they decide they ever need more than that. For now, they're mostly looking forward to the summer and finally having time for each other, and they won't even be in New York for a little while anyway.

**

They spend the first half of Kurt's birthday mostly in bed. Blaine hasn't forgotten about the promised birthday blowjobs, so it's almost lunch time by the time they finally drag themselves off into the shower. Kurt is just a little wobbly on his legs after Blaine has spent their morning showing him just how much he loves him, over and over and over again.

“I'm not sure how I'm supposed to follow that on your birthday,” Kurt admits, stepping up to the sink to catch a look at himself in the mirror, examining the large purple mark just under his collarbone, a visible reminder of the intensity of Blaine's feelings for him. He likes it.

Blaine steps up behind him, wraps his arms around his stomach, their eyes meeting in the mirror briefly for a shared affectionate little smile before Blaine closes his eyes contentedly. He softly kisses the back of Kurt's neck, the little knob at the top of his spine, the curve of his shoulder, licking the sweat from his skin, humming in pleasure as he does. “You don't need to follow it,” he says. “I love you. I wanted to make you happy.”

“You did,” Kurt whispers, covering Blaine's hands on his belly with his own. “You do. Always.”

**

Money is still tight even with Blaine's music lessons, so as a birthday present he gives Kurt a song he wrote for him. It's soft and gentle and not at all punk rock and Kurt cries and hugs him for a long time.

In the afternoon they finally muster the energy to leave the dorm to walk around New York, holding hands and stopping to kiss every few minutes. The weather is nice so they decide to be tourists and check out the view from the top of the Empire State Building. Kurt can't believe they haven't actually done this before, it's in every goddamn movie set in New York City.

But today they get to go up there, and he kisses Blaine with their beautiful new city as backdrop behind them, and they even get a girl with a fanny pack and pink shorts and a heavy French accent to snap a few pictures of them on Kurt's phone.

It's a perfect day.

**

They sit outside in the quad after dinner, enjoying the last few rays of sunshine and the relative quiet, secluded in a corner all to themselves.

“Do you ever wonder -” Blaine begins, then breaks off, frowning, biting his lip.

Kurt lowers his eyes to Blaine's from where he'd had his face turned up toward the evening sun, curious. “What?”

Blaine shrugs. “If it had been different. Anything. Any little thing in the past. Where would we have ended up?”

Kurt thinks about it. “I'm not sure I know what you mean.”

Blaine shrugs. “If I hadn't had the crap beaten out of me at my old school. Or even before that, if Nathan and I hadn't ever decided to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance together. Or if he and I hadn't even been friends. Or if a teacher had interrupted those guys before they could put us in the hospital. If I had dealt better with all of it. If I hadn't gone back to that school, but come to McKinley right away. If – you and I had met. Before I became -” he laughs bitterly, waving a hand at himself. “ _This_. Do you think we'd still be here?”

Kurt shakes his head. “I honestly don't know. If we hadn't been assigned to each other. If we had just – met, some day. On campus, or at the grocery store, or even before, if we'd been in glee club together or whatever. Do you think we would have talked? Do you think we would have become friends?”

“I'd like to think so,” Blaine admits. “I mean, it seems so unlikely. But I just – can't imagine it any other way. I mean. Not having you in my life. I don't even want to think about what my life would have become without you in it.” He shrugs. “If I had just shown up at McKinley one day and met you before I met Puck.”

“You love Puck.”

Blaine nods. “That's not the point. Do you think – do you think it would have been … different? Us?”

Kurt thinks about it, really thinks. “Those are a lot of 'ifs',” he says. “And I kind of like the way we are now. I like _you_. I can't imagine it being any other way.”

Blaine looks down at his hands that are resting in his lap. “Maybe if I hadn't screwed up so bad all the time, I would have been a husband instead.”

“Oh.” Kurt swallows. “Right.”

Blaine lifts his head, meeting Kurt's eyes again, and his own are a little sad. “When it comes down to it, I don't think they'd have paired us if I had been – different. I fucked up, but at least I got you. And, I mean, you know I still get angry sometimes, but – I want you to know. I'm happy. With you.”

“Blaine,” Kurt breathes brokenly, leaning in for a kiss; he can't not. He pulls back, a wide smile on his face. “Just for the record,” he says. “If we'd been friends before, I'm pretty sure I'd have fallen in love with you anyway.”

“Yeah, but -” Blaine shakes his head. “Imagine how that might have gone. If we'd both been husbands? Imagine being in love and being happy and then getting our letters and being sent off to marry someone else.” His face looks pained. “I don't think I could have handled that, loving you and then losing you like that.”

“No,” Kurt exclaims, heart fluttering, palms a little cold with the panic rising at that thought. “No, I don't even want to imagine that.”

And for the first time in a long while he thinks of that couple a year ahead of him at McKinley, happy and cute and so sure of each other. Thinks of them receiving their letters and thinks of romance turning into shouting matches and accusations and tears and despair up and down the corridors all over school. He thinks of being torn apart like that, ripped away from the one person who is your whole world because a computer and a piece of paper says that it's not meant to be.

He wonders what's become of them, feels bad for not even remembering their names now. Are they stuck and unhappy the way Sophia is and most likely will be for the rest of her life? Did they find someone who understands them? Did they manage to appeal, maybe convince a sympathetic person at the agency to change one of their designations? And their assignments? Who would have volunteered for the role of wife? Is it even possible to change a designation?

He shudders and his heart hurts for them, he can't imagine going through that. His hands reach out almost by themselves, blindly seeking out Blaine's warmth, Blaine's solidity, the comfort of his body as tears sting his eyes. He can't even imagine what it must feel like, loving him as desperately as he does and then having to watch him walk away and marry someone else.

“I don't want to think about it,” he repeats, voice rough with emotion. “I don't, I – I _love_ you -”

Blaine moves in at the same time Kurt does and their arms close around each other in a hug so tight it makes breathing difficult. Kurt doesn't care, just clutches Blaine tighter, pressing his face into the mess of curls on top of his head. He's shaking. They both are.

“I'm here,” Blaine whispers. “I'm here, I'm here, I love you so much, Kurt -”

“I wouldn't have let them take you from me,” Kurt declares fiercely. “Never! I'd have – god, Blaine, we would have found a way.” He knows it's not true. The law is the law. And he would have ended up heartbroken and lonely and it would have hardly mattered who they'd have stuck him with, how could he ever feel for anyone else what he feels for Blaine? “I would never have said goodbye to you,” he promises. And yes, that, at least, is something he can promise.

**

For their own wedding anniversary, they're back in Lima, and it's weird, suddenly not having a space of their own after they've become so used to it.

They alternate between staying with Blaine's parents and Kurt's family, keeping the nights they spend apart to a bare minimum. After all this time, they don't sleep well without the other next to them anymore.

The day of their anniversary, Kurt wakes up early in his own childhood bedroom, blinking into the light of the morning sun shining through the gap in the drawn curtains.

Blaine is half on top of him the way they wake most days; he has a tendency to simply wrap himself around Kurt while they sleep. Kurt sort of loves it, even if it means he's getting drooled on pretty much all night. It's a good thing Blaine is so cute or it might actually be kind of gross.

“Good morning,” Blaine mumbles sleepily, rubbing his cheek softly against Kurt's chest as Kurt cards his fingers through a tangle of curls.

“Good morning,” Kurt replies, feeling light and carefree and happy. “We've been married for a year!”

“I know.” Blaine lifts his head, eyes half-closed and sleep-heavy, an imprint of one of Kurt's pajama top buttons red on his cheek. “Isn't it awesome?”

“God, you're adorable,” Kurt breathes around a delighted laugh, pulling him in so they can rest their foreheads together.

**

Burt lets them take his car for the day, and after breakfast, they load it up with food and blankets and drive until they're out of the city, finding a quiet place by a small stream a few miles outside of Lima. It's a sunny day and they stretch out on their blankets side by side, just enjoying the weather and each other's company.

Blaine checks his phone once before shoving it back into their picnic basket. “No service,” he announces.

“Good,” Kurt says, smiling up at him from where he's lying on his back in the shade of a tall tree. “No interruptions.”

Blaine nods. “Just remind me to call Sophia tomorrow.”

Kurt's expression turns serious. “How is she doing?”

Blaine shrugs. “Good, actually. With Caleb traveling all summer she can just stay with her parents and have nothing to worry about at least for a while. I think she's enjoying the thought of not seeing him for a few more weeks.”

Kurt sighs. “How much does it suck that they have to stay together? It's obviously a bad match.”

“Yeah, well.” Blaine shakes his head sadly. “At least he's mostly just leaving her alone now. I guess that's progress. If it weren't for this whole fucked up system -”

“I know.” Kurt smiles sadly, then frowns, lost in thought. “Do you think -” he starts, breaks off without finishing the question.

“What?” Blaine wants to know, curious.

“Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a choice,” Kurt explains. “I mean, not just – who. But _if_. You know? Would people still get married at all if marriage was optional? I mean, they have marriage in France but I actually have no idea how many people choose that for themselves.”

Blaine thinks about it. “Would you have wanted it?” he wants to know. “If it weren't – the way it is. Would you want to be married?”

“I don't even know,” Kurt admits with a sigh. “It's so hard to imagine what it would be like. But -” he blushes, looks down at his hands.

“What?” Blaine asks, tone teasing as he takes in the red on Kurt's cheeks.

Kurt grins up at him, and suddenly his face is open, free, happy. “I am pretty sure I would have wanted to after I met you.”

“Oh,” Blaine breathes, heart fluttering in his chest. “I – yeah. Me too. I actually – I know it isn't always easy and yeah, there are some – some things, like the wife thing and stuff, but I – Kurt, I love being married to you. I really do.”

Kurt looks so happy. “I feel the same way,” he whispers, and Blaine can't help himself, he has to lean in and kiss him.

“I wish we had been friends before,” he admits. “I wish we had fallen in love before all of this, before we had to. I could have proposed to you properly after we got our letters. You know. The way Sam and Mercedes did.”

Kurt grins, cups Blaine's face in both hands to draw him into another kiss. “Maybe I would have proposed to you first.”

“Oh, but then you would never have heard my awesome proposal speech,” Blaine teases.

Kurt laughs at that, brushing their noses together. “You're so full of shit. You don't have a speech.”

“Well, I would have had one. And it would have been epic.”

“What would you have said?”

Blaine draws back a little so he can see Kurt properly, see the freckles on his face, the way his eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles. He loves him so much.

“Something like …” he starts, thinking. “I don't know. I guess I would have talked about how there's this moment, you know? You spend your whole life thinking it's going to be a certain way, and you have all these expectations, and most of them aren't very high. But then you look up and it's just sort of like … oh, there you are, I knew I was missing something. And suddenly everything is just sort of – right. I would have said something about how I want to spend as much time with you as possible, how I never want to stop surprising you, how I always want to be there for you and support you and how you're my best friend in the world and -” he swallows, voice breaking a little as playfulness gives way to a rush of emotions so familiar and yet so new and thrilling every time. “How you're the love of my _life_ , Kurt. I just – I love you. So much. And whatever else happens, whatever we have to go through and however hard it gets, everything is better because I love you. You're so fucking amazing and you make me so happy. And I want that for the rest of my life.”

Kurt's eyes fill with tears at the words, a slow, stunned smile playing around the corners of his mouth as he exhales shakily. “God, Blaine -” he breathes, voice cracking. “I – you -”

Blaine cuts him off with a kiss, hungry and deep and wet, mouths sliding together until the need for oxygen becomes overwhelming and they have to pull apart, Kurt's fingers tangled in Blaine's hair and Blaine's arms firmly around Kurt's shoulders.

“For the record,” Kurt says happily, “I would have said yes.”

“I meant every word,” Blaine promises.

“I'd have done everything to top that with my self-written vows, though, you know that, right?” Kurt asks, placing another soft kiss to the corner of Blaine's mouth.

“Wedding vows?” Blaine asks, laughing. “You'd have written your own vows?”

“Of course.” Kurt brushes their noses together, grinning. “They would have made you cry.”

“In your dreams.”

“You don't believe me?”

Blaine shakes his head fingers caressing the side of Kurt's neck. “Nope.”

“So you wouldn't have cried if I had told you, during our wedding, in front of our friends and family, that you completely take my breath away? That I am so proud to be with you, that I love you so much I can't handle it sometimes?” Kurt presses their faces closer together, just breathing him in for a second. “I would have said it in front of everyone,” he whispers. “That you make me feel so safe. So loved. And that I've never been so sure of anything in my life; I'm always going to love you. You're my best friend, Blaine. And I want to be with you forever.”

Blaine can't help the sound that escapes his throat, a mix between a laugh and a sob, and he clenches his fingers in the fabric of Kurt's shirt. “I -”

Kurt pulls back to meet his eyes, his own sparkling with amusement and love. “Hah. Made you cry after all.”

“Jerk,” Blaine laughs, but he kisses him anyway.


End file.
